My wife has never done anything to my parents. When I get into a conflict with my parents, they direct their anger towards my wife by telling me what is wrong with her. I have tried numerous times to stop this but she continues to be scapegoated. My parent's reactions is the most negative thing in our relationship.She has even threatened divorce unless I remedy the situation. My parents obviously do not respect my requests or feelings, otherwise they would stop berating my wife. Should I cut them off since they haven't stopped hurting my wife? This has been happening since I became engaged 2 years ago. We are planning on going to counseling if we can afford it. Help me please!!!
2006-09-10 06:02:24 · 20 answers · asked by Lost with my in-laws 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Yes you cut the family out. Nothing worse than a mama's boy.
2006-09-10 06:05:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave your wife at home one day, go to your parents and tell them that you have chosen the woman whom you want to share the rest of your life with, but if they cannot accept it, then you will not be spending any more time with them.
Stay true to your marriage vows. Religious or not, you will find that the Bible has good advice on marriage, that this is the reason that a man will Leave his parents and Cleave unto his wife, becoming one flesh in every sense, becoming one.
If they do not accept her, they are not accepting a part of you, which you love dearly.
Fight for her, protect her from their cruelty.
Your parents will hopefully realize the gravity of their wrong actions and seek to restore the relationship. If not, at least your wife will know that you are firmly sided with her, and that you can be trusted. This is your role as her husband. :-) Sounds like you're already well on your way to fulfilling it. May God bless your relationship with every good gift, even in this trial.
2006-09-10 06:10:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a wimp!!!! You are unable to establish personal boundaries and are a part of the problem for allowing this to continue and to be pulled into the dysfunction. It is very easy to solve, pal. First of all, you should not be having conflicts with your parents since you are an adult. But, if you do.....IMMEDIATELY.....say STOP! Then, go on to say, "If you would like to discuss how you are feeling about this situation then I am more than willing to talk to you about the issue in a calm way. However, I will not tolerate you speaking to my wife or about my wife in a degrading and disrespectful way." If they start on her, IMMEDIATELY tell them that the discussion is terminated and get out of the conversation by either walking away or hanging up the phone. Also, if they tread into your personal life that is none of their business.....tell them just that.....it is your personal life and it is none of their business. Practice this a few times.............you will feel good! Stand by your wife and if you have to terminate them from your life for bad behavior......so be it! Just don't argue with them.......only discuss with them. Stand your ground in a calm way and grow some balls!
2006-09-10 06:15:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, you didn't choose your parents but you did choose your wife and for those personal reasons you must love her. Now your parents are having to deal with you in a different perspective (being married) and maybe they don't know how to deal with it...they feel threatened, alienated, jealous, ad infinitum... Don't let your parents ruin the relationship you have with your wife. It might be difficult, but cut your parents out of your life and enjoy your life with your wife because, like I said, you chose her. If your parents really love you, they will come around and realize that you are a man who has chosen his way in life. They might not like all the choices you make, but they will stand behind you whether thick or thin.
2006-09-10 06:26:21 · answer #4 · answered by Oenophile... (Lynn) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cut ties with everyone I knew over 25 years ago. I was tired of every one trying to control my life. I had no need for the conflicts and still don't. I still don't talk to my family but maybe once every 5 to 10 years. I met a woman who has only seen her family one time in the last 22 years. We get along great and we do not have any problems with family trying to live our liefs for us.
From my past experiences you will be stronger and have a better life if you will just move a couple hundred miles away and change your phone number.
If they can't respect you and your choices then they have no place being involved in them.
2006-09-10 06:14:16 · answer #5 · answered by Don K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones...
I don't feel children owe their parents a relationship as adults... parents still need to be deserving of a close relationship and respect.
Your wife must always come first, before anything and anyone... as will your children when you have them. Defend them to the death! And start standing up for your wife !
2006-09-10 06:15:35 · answer #6 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your parents that if they really love and respect you, they will love and respect your choice of partner. If not, keep minimal contact with them. You and your wife don't need counseling. It is your parents who need counseling. Next time they start berating your wife, just walk out of their house. I know it is tough to do that, but that should start sinking into them that you are not going to take that crap anymore. The problem seems to be that they are jealous and are afraid of losing you.
2006-09-10 06:12:45 · answer #7 · answered by worldneverchanges 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a woman and i think you must have a good wife, being that your parents are so up tight and blame her for everything maybe they feel like you wouldn't need them for nothing cause she there. If you leave her or y'all split up, they think maybe you have no choice but to come to them. I been in the same situation, but i didn't marry the guy, i refuse to be in the middle of something.
2006-09-10 06:11:35 · answer #8 · answered by sexychocolate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife has to come first. The only way to educate your parents is to tell them that you want a relationship with them, but you will walk out or hang up if they do this. Then follow through and do it, no matter if it's Thanksgiving dinner or just a casual visit.
2006-09-10 06:06:44 · answer #9 · answered by Catspaw 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know if you are religious or not but it is biblical for you to chose your wife. (Gen. 2:24 and again in Matt. 19:5-6) My father had to do this, so I know it can hurt to separate from people. (He did it by just picking up and leaving during the next argument that happened and saying them that he wouldn't speak to them again until they said they were sorry to my mom... ) You have to remember though that your children will repeat what is said about their mother to her. The sad thing is that your children will believe what was said by their grandparents.
2006-09-10 06:21:24 · answer #10 · answered by Lib 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋