What do you do when.....?

Question

I know that I'm not the only one in the world who doesn't get on with their mother. Constant critisism, never do anything right, and even tho I'm 35, I still get treated as if I'm 10. I'm also talked about and laughed at behind my back by her and I know this because it's to my ex-husband that she says these things to. I get so angry and hurt and would love to total destroy something and then cry, but know this isn't the best way to deal. So those of you in my boat, what do you do when stuff like this happens?

Trust me - we've had a rocky road since I was 18. Most of the time I've kept my mouth shut because I found that it didn't make any difference what I said, only caused a big argument. There is now an ocean between us, literally, I'm in the UK she's in the US.

Answer 1

i havent spoken to my mother for 14 years.just because shes your mother you dont have to like her. i have now cut my mother out of my life completly. she was nasty to my kids, and hates my husband...why should you have someone in your life who trats you like this..would you put up with it from a friend ?

Answer 2

Try to ignore it! Mine is like that also and sometimes I just say nothing and respect her. Sometimes I just say yes and when she's gone or just don't do it. I always take her opinion in consideration because even now that I am 35 she still gives good advice and criticesm. When she is wrong I let her know I disagree and if she woould stay upset. That would be her problem. Sounds harsh but it's the best way. you will always be her little boy/girl. Even when you are 70 she will still tell you off. Get used to it. Honour thy mother and thy father.

Answer 3

It happens to me still but I learn to say No no when ever she wants something done also if she tries to do anything of the sort change the subject and but in and say im sure uv said that before how boring, or I say is there noone your own age you can tease like the mirror, you should see her face

She does it as she knows ur weak spots and knows she can get to you that way, let her know she cant any more

Answer 4

Have you spoken to her about this ??? it is time to be perfectly frank with her, have it out, tell her how you feel, how she makes you feel. Don't be afraid to air your views. You are not a child, you should stand up to her. You can stand up for yourself without being disrespectful to her, it is not disrespectful to tell someone they are hurting you , even your mother. If she takes offence then leave her to it for a while, keep your distance, let her cool off and think about it. If she comes round, which I'm sure she will, things should be better, if not you either stay away or make the move yourself when you feel ready, good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

I am not close at all to my mum. I have accepted this and got on with my life. It hurt at first as she was closer to my sister than to me and made no effort to hide this, However, she now wants a relationship with me and I am not interested. Try and get on with your life without your mum. If she talks about you behind your back, ignore it. You must be on her mind for her to be talking about you in the first place. She will regret the way she is with you, I promise. No mother wants to get old without the support of their children. Good luck!

Answer 6

Your mother is the only one you will ever have, this is what I repeatedly have to remind myself.
Moms like ours do not know when to start minding their "own" business, and let their grown adult children mind theirs ! This is the reason I live in a different state. It helps a lot. I also have been able to teach myself to ignore a lot of what she says....but sometimes it is very hard to do.
Consider the way she was raised, this has a lot to do with the way she treats you now.
I am older than you, and it has taken me this long to not freak out when she comes to visit....sometimes now, my house is even dirty!! I even drink a beer in front of her...in my house, wow....do we have to spend our entire lives acting as if we are 10??
Trust me, there are a lot of us out here who understand how you are feeling right now....but confronting her is not going to solve anything....take it from me, I tried !

Answer 7

I'm 15, and i feel like a scapegoat for all my mum's problems.... half of the things i feel are completely trivial, but let me tell u bout what's happened recently:
well, we (me, my mum, my 2 younger brothers) went on holiday with her boyfriend and his 2 kids, and the whole time, his son (who's the same age as me) was in a stress, because we weren't doing things he wanted...and the whole time he and my brother were saying i was pregnant with this 40-year-old man i know, and that i loved this man. And my mum joined in, she just didn't see what it was doing to me.
Then we went back to school on Tuesday, and i got my music exam results. I got 115, that's a pass, and i wasn't happy with it, but my friends and my teacher made me see that it was a good mark - at least i'd passed. So i got home, a bit happier with it, and she goes "that's not very good. I expected you to get at least a merit (120 or above), preferably a distinction (130 or above)". That made me feel so good. So then this weekend she went to her boyfriend's house, and left me with my brother, the older of the 2, and i don't like being alone with him, because he's scary and he never ever does what i say. So she asked me to get him to wash the kitchen floor, for instance, but he didn't. Then when she and her boyfriend got home, they shouted at ME, because i was the one who was meant to make him do it.
She used to take a lot of it out on my older sister, but now it's come to rest on me, because my sister spends most of her time away from my mum.
So what do i do? Well, i'm really really sensitive, and i let everything build up, so yesterday evening, something really trivial happened - i needed to do some work on the computer but my brother wouldn't let me at all....then it all got too much - that was the thing that pushed me over, and i had to cry, i couldn't help it, but i couldn't stay there so i walked out. I can go to the local church - my only refuge, because i feel safe there, but i just couldn't cope with it at all.
This probably hasn't helped you at all, but i know i shouldn't do this....all my friends tell me to ignore it and rise above it, but i can't.....maybe you could try??

Answer 8

after my mum and dad divorced she started the arguements with me.

my mum carries arguements on and on and on and on and on and on (its one of the reasons my parents split up) and anyway she wont let anything drop and most of the time it wasnt about anything important.

i tried talking to her about it but she wouldnt listen.

after 4 years of this my confidence hit a low and i had to do something so i did the best thing ive ever done and moved out to another town and wished my younger brother good luck incase she started on him.

my mum is alot nicer to everyone now that she has realised i have gone for good.

Answer 9

Be the bigger person, just shrug it off, deal with it. You're old enough to know what she says probably isnt true anyway. And if all else fails, just think, when shes old and grey and all lonely cos no-one comes to visit her, remind her what a twit she was.

Answer 10

Happens with me and my Dad no matter what i do for him I put it off as his right as a parent and that I must accept critisim from him in order to get along at all alot of tounge biting.

Answer 11

your really not the only one you know. its common daughters have love-hate relationships with their mothers. im not saying what your mum is doing is justifiable but it really is common. when this happened to me i usually argued back but this gets you nowehere. as i got older it didnt bother me that much so i just went up to my room or out of the house. i know words can be extremely hurtful. you want to confront her about how your feeling and give her an ultimatum