My husband and I have custody of the kids... I love them and view them as my own... no probs there. The kids love and adore me (yeah quite sickening because our family dynamic is amazing) It is frustrating for the kids as well as myself when dealing with schools, doctors, anyone... I couldn't even get my step daughters ears pierced... because I didn't give birth... I have been in their world since 99 and had the step mother title officially in 2001. and it is ridiculous that my kids(step) have to stand up for me because they are just as tired of having to explain that I am as much involved in decisions as their father or mother. Dang Brothers Grimm and their stinking fairy tales... not all step mothers are bad... I just feel that step parents should have rights. I know it can be complicated ( I came from a split home) but my step mother never had the complicatons I am having... My kids and husband arent the problem it seems to be everyone else. Should step parents have more rights
2006-09-10 04:04:59 · 10 answers · asked by lastepmom 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
People know I am the step mom because 1. My kids (step) and I look nothing alike. I am Amer-Asian dark hair, dark eyes. My kids hav blonde hair, hazel eyes and totally different physical features.
2. When filling out proper forms it is asked what my relationship is to the children. I should start filling in the blank with "very good!" :) of course most wouldn't get it.
3. adoption is out... they have a mother and it would be silly to create havoc in their lives by doing that. short of death or being a comolete deadbeat I would not be comfortable with that.
4. The kids and I don't have problems nor does their father in regards to my role. It is just silly at times what society places as rules. I know they are there for good cause and have to be a blanket rule and I accept that. I just wondered how others viewed the roles of a step parent.
2006-09-10 06:11:02 · update #1
It should be enough to know that your step-kids and you get along as well as any parent and child. Don't let your kids or you explain your situation to the world. It will wear you all down. Just learn to let these comments go and be happy for what you have.
As to your question, no, I believe they shouldn't have more rights, sorry. I've seen the world of selfish adults use children for their own ends. I've seen too many sets of parents locked into a war-lie struggle over who gets to have and parent kids. It shouldn't be about who controls the situation or who has the most control. It should be about the kids getting what they NEED, not about adults getting their every emotional whim or fancy catered to.
Any adult who puts their children or step-children before their own emotional satisfaction realizes that this is just what they have to deal with. I know you'll hate what I say but it's like the old saying goes...it's better to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor than to spend your life pointing out the fruits of your labor to people who won't listen anyway.
Just enjoy your step-kids. When they are grown-up, they'll know who was there for them and that's all that matters in the end.
2006-09-10 04:27:29 · answer #1 · answered by BeamMeUpMom 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Blended families are more common now than not. Step parents got a bad rap, due to protocol and stereotyping. As far as why this is happening, has me a little puzzled. My family is also blended, but as far as "step dad" goes here, we never had the problems you are talking about. If you are officially married to the kids Dad and have the same last name, don't tell everyone your life story. Legally, you should be able to do anything, to a certain degree, that a real parent does. At school, if they too are giving you grief, all that needs to be done there is to have your husband sign a parental release form that gives you any clearance you should need. The most you would have to do is have your ID on file with the school and always have ID available with you when you have to take care of things at their schools. You are very lucky that your family situation is loving and caring with all concerned. You apparently have gained respect and everyone is respondent to you and what you have brought to your new family. Good for you! My kids were 5 and 7 when I remarried. 25 years later, there are actually people that still don't know that our family is blended. My kids started calling their stepfather Dad after just a few months, and when we had our first child, the older two made it very clear they didn't want any half brother, he was their whole brother. With everyone working at it, makes a situation such as this a blessing. Maybe just check into the laws in your state about the situations you are having problems with and see if there isn't a legal way to avoid any future problems. I hope you and your family the very best. It sounds like you are well on your way!
2006-09-10 04:26:32 · answer #2 · answered by smplyme132 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There have to be laws that protect the children, and sometimes they cannot change according to the nuances of each individual relationship. There's no law that is there to measure whether you're a good step mother or a bad one, so legally, it's across the board to give the rights to the biological parents. Now, if it's that much of a problem, see if you can go to the court system to get some sort of agreement that allows you to sign forms, take them to the doctor, etc. Maybe something signed by both biological parents, I'm not sure how it works. Whatever the case, the professional world is simply following protocol, not trying to paint you as a bad parent. There are PLENTY of step parents who are rotten parents, and it's assumed by the court system that children are safer in the hands of their own parents.
2006-09-10 04:43:08 · answer #3 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exectly how you feel. I've been a step parent for 12 years. I consider them just as I do my own. I never show favortism; I love all the kids the same. I don't even use the term "step mom" anymore! They live with us; I am the person who cares for them and manages their lives. I deserve the same respect as a birth mother. Anyone can birth a child! It takes a special type of person to be a real "Mom". If the step mom is the childs' sole caregiver, and the kids live full time in the house with her, then they should definitely have all the rights entitled to any other parent! Of course! We deserve it!!
2006-09-10 04:33:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question is how do all of these people know that you are the step mother unless you tell them. It seems like you are giving yourself the title of step mother. To me a mother is a person that takes care of children just like you are doing. Why tell the ear piercer that you are the step parent. Just sign the form.
I really don't' see what the big deal it. As for doctors and school your husband just has to simple go in and explain the situation and probably sign some sort of piece of people granting the school and doctor to discuss that children with you.
2006-09-10 04:11:46 · answer #5 · answered by yzerswoman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they feel ur not their real mother and ur trying to take over take it from a teen we feel like ur just being pushy and taking over it'll take time to ge used to but once we get 2 no u we'll warm up to the ide of u being around. good luck! if everything is so perfect then the world just needs to deal they should no that the childs mother obviously no idea what shes doing or she would have her own kids with her!! just b/c ur not their birth mother doesnt mean you dont no whats best for them . ppl just need to deal with it!!
2006-09-10 04:09:56 · answer #6 · answered by jenna h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel that stepmothers should have more rights because they are not our own children. I do agree that it makes it difficult at times but I wouldn't want another person making decisions for my own children.
2006-09-10 04:09:18 · answer #7 · answered by ♥SassyBlonde♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My step mom IS the evil stepmother in the movies & stories!!! She has been for the last 25 years.
2006-09-10 04:13:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think the Disney moves have more to do with it? put I agree with you 100 percent.
2006-09-10 04:08:57 · answer #9 · answered by gamemanual 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk your hubby about kids
2006-09-10 05:35:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋