Do you girls ever experience this? Why does it happen?

Question

When we were communicating through the net, I feel I love him and need him badly. I wanted to be with him and tell him how he mean a lot to me. But, if he's in front of me, I can't say those words not bcoz I'm shy or whatever but bcoz I dont feel like I still want to tell those things. I dont wanna be hyprocrite and I want to be true. Its kinda weird, that I once again lost those chances of showing him my love, that when his gone I just miss him terribly. I'm confused.

Answer 1

I've definitely experienced this! I've always told guys that I make a better and more affectionate girlfriend when it's long-distance. I think this strange phenomenon is because of three different things in combination:

1. You

When you can't see someone face-to-face, funny things start to happen - you start to imagine and really believe that he's much more romantic or in tune with you than he is in real life. This is called idealizing: everyone has an ideal guy in mind, and when the real guy isn't standing right in front of you, it's a lot easier to imagine that voice on the phone is your ideal. This is also called projecting - you're taking your own ideas and desires, and putting them onto another person - and then you're thinking they are "from" that person rather than your own head. This is what I call loving the *idea* of your boyfriend, rather than your actual boyfriend!

2. Him

Now, there's also a chance - like with my current partner - that he actually *is* a different person online or on the phone than he is in person. For example, in person, I sometimes get irritated by the tone of his voice when we argue. He's also more honest and affectionate when he doesn't have me staring right at him, which tends to make him feel sheepish and embarrassed. So I tend to like the online/phone version of him more than the real version of him! The key is to not separate him into two different people - I always have to check myself and remember that he's just one.

3. The Long-Distance Situation

Now, there are good reasons that it might be more enjoyable doing stuff online or on the phone. For example, when you can't talk in person, or not very often, you tend to say all the things that matter because you don't want to waste precious talk-time saying stupid things. So often the conversation is much richer. Or, another big factor is missing - as soon as someone leaves your side, you can start missing that person. And "missing" someone is both a bad feeling and a good feeling: bad because you want something you don't have, and good because you have something to want in the first place. I myself tend to enjoy missing someone. Missing is also highly related to idealizing: when you don't have something, like chocolate, you tend to imagine it was much more amazing than it really is.

So it seems you have some figuring out to do: how do you really feel? You can't really test this by ending things with him, because that'll just trigger the missing and will throw off your results. I think you need to study the situation carefully. Is he different online than he is in person? Is he different alone with you than he is with his friends? If he's really different, you can assign more weight to "Him" than to "You". Or, do his attempts to be affectionate offline result in feelings of disgust or dislike within you? That's a surefire "You" rather than a "Him". And finally, what happens if you stop doing the online stuff, but also make sure you aren't spending 24/7 time together?

I wish you the best of luck...and I hope you untangle this mystery!

Answer 2

How long have you known him? You both need to take one step at a time develop a friendship go slowly. Real loves grows lust only lasts until the newness wears off. May your shyness is your conscious telling you that you are not ready to get into a heavy relationship, could be a blessing in disguise. Slow things down enjoy life you sound young.

Answer 3

Dear friend you can consult a doctor regarding this problem. Ive not had this experience, but i urinate very frequently. It would be better to drink less water when going out and to have more of it when at home. Follow this till you get consultation from the doctor.

Answer 4

happy cute mom, might be right, actually i asked the same question for this girl kept doing the same thing to me in a way. she seemed to always have difficulty talking to me face to face this past year and last year but on the phone she profess her love for me. i just did nto get it and basically became lost and confused. Talk to him and have a conversation with him about your difficulties but ask him to have an open mind about this and that you need dialouge not silence. you both need to be strong here

Answer 5

Because when he's was standing in front of you he's was a stranger but on the net he's the guy you fell in love with I guess. Good Luck

Answer 6

Sounds pretty funky to me! How old are you?
How can you love someone just by talking on
the internet anyway? I have alot of trouble with
this one for some reason?

Answer 7

That is why you shouldn't date guys online. If I want to date someone, I rather date her face to face so I can show her my affection for her and talking to her instead of just talking to her online.

Answer 8

umm maybe because, you had him face to face and take that time for granted... then when ur not with him.. you reflect on how much he ment to you.. and how he made that time together special... you want what you cant have.. and at that moment... you want him but he is not thurr

Answer 9

easier to want someone outta sight. if u really cant say it, then hes just not the one.

Answer 10

i dont no mabye