Forced to put baby in daycare?

Question

Before my husband and I were married, we decided that if we had children together, I would stay home to care for them. This is my second marriage, I have one child from my first marriage. I had terrible daycare experiences with my first, and I would rather not have more kids, than to put them in one of those places. We just had a baby, and I had been staying home, but now my husband decides, he doesn't want me spending money on my older child. He actually cursed me out in public for buying school supplies for my oldest. He makes more than enough money, (he's a software developer), we don't struggle to pay bills, we can actually afford for me not to work. Then he tells me his parents don't really approve of me staying home either, so I need to go back to work.

I feel as though he tricked me into having this new baby, with the promise that I could take care of him myself, and now that he's here and I have no choice, back to work for me. I've since refused to have any more children.

Answer 1

If he makes that much money then divorce him and collect alimony and childsupport. Then you still wont have to work. He's an a s s h o l e.

Answer 2

I suppose that understanding the fact that putting children in daycare is usually more expensive than a "stay at home Mom" will make a difference. I worked at HeadStart and we found that many Mom's opted for a part time job, so they could take care of the child for part of the day, and work another part. However, it totally wore Mom out.
As for being cursed out in public - not acceptable. Sorry hon, but this seems to go deeper than the question you asked here and the answers you'll get. There's some real issues going on and you two need to have some serious talk time together.

Answer 3

Do you recieve child support for your other child??? Is he resentful towards your older child or does he treat this child any differently than your new baby you had with him??? If you recieve child support than he really has no right to say anything to you, nor does he really have a right at all to complain about you providing for your child.

If he cannot treat the children equally than he has a problem. When he dated and married you, he knew he was going to become a major factor in this child's life, now he is not wanting you to do things for your child. That is morally wrong.

I really would not care what his parents think, this is your marriage not theirs. You need to sit down and discuss this abrupt decision he has thrown in your lap. Remain calm and talk to him, if he starts yelling or throwing fits, I would tell him the discussion is over until he can act like a civilized adult. If you talk and you can come to a reasonable agreement of why you should go back to work, then I would look for an at-home daycare. If this is still not an option, then I would seek counseling, or consider separation for the well being of your first child as well as your new one. I do not care how much money he makes, it's a matter of choice on how you want to raise your children, and what you feel is best for them as their mother.

You have to do what is right for your children....I am guessing that is why you divorced the first one...I do not like divorce, it's hard, and I have been through one myself...I am raising my boys myself, and they are awesome!

Answer 4

If the mummy in regulation lives with you, is she working? If she isn't why won't have the ability to she watch your new child out of your place. If it relatively is no longer achieveable, there are issues to seek for whilst choosing a daycare. look at cleanliness, notice the employees whilst they shelter the youngsters, make constructive they wash their palms or sanitize after each and each come upon with a new child. Ask to make certain record of nutrition which would be provided for the week or month. Ask to make certain the time table of events that are carried out during the day on the daycare. deliver your new child with you and notice how she interacts with the different childrens and team. in case you don't get a sturdy vibe from the daycare possibilities are high it is not precise for you. As a determine you have the right to pass to the daycare at each time and notice. Any sturdy daycare would inspire it.

Answer 5

Though worded harshly, I would actually have to agree with jellybean on this one. Cursing you in public is abuse. Neglecting the welfare of your older child is abuse. And why should you care what his parents think? You can afford to stay home and care for your child and that is what you prefer to do then you should do it.
Work out the numbers. Will you actually make enough money to cover day care? If not, show him that. Sometimes getting a job is more of a drain on the family finances than being a SAHM would be.
Good luck.

Answer 6

I do not blame you for not trusting some daycare centers however, there are some really good places depending where you live. I felt the same way about my daughter this is the reason that I stayed home with her for 3 years. She is now attending daycare and it is a good place.

I am in the same situation as you but the only difference is my husband has a better understanding and he is not pressuring me to go to work. I am now 7 month's pregnant and I will but my baby in daycare but not immediately. After a 1yr or or two.. try to talk to your husband and explain to him that you will return to work but as soon as the baby is old enough. (Good Luck)!!!!!

Answer 7

I think that staying home and caring for your children is the most important "work" that you can do. I would think your husband would take great pride in the fact that you want to give his child the very best care in the world. What is wrong with this man you married??? And also if he is cursing you out for buying necessities for your older child, that is very troublesome. Your older child needs to feel love and support from both of you and if he is not capable of doing that, get rid of him!!!! Your children have to be your priority. Also, when did it become his parent's business whether or not you work. He needs to get a backbone and be supportive of his wife and BOTH children.

Answer 8

Have a good chat to him and insist that you want to stay home and raise your child. If he wants you to earn money get HIM to find you a job where you can work from home. There is NOTHING more important than the well being of your child. I cant stand mothers that put tiny babies in childcare where even though the majority are well looked after it is not the same as a mothers love. Do what your heart wants you too.

Answer 9

What his parents think shouldn't have anything to do with it.

He married you knowing you had a child. Buying school supplies is an absurd thing to get upset over.

You should go to marital counseling.

In the meantime, I'd "try" to get a job. By "try", I'd make up a resume and send it in for jobs you're obviously not qualified to do. If you post your resume, make your salary requirements unrealistic. Also, put in your resume that you require onsite daycare with a video feed.

Answer 10

What a jerk! I agree with some of the other answers. Leave him and take half. Unless you have a prenup, in which case, put money aside for your older child that your hubby doesn't know about. Even if he does have a problem with your spending there is NO reason for him to be disrespectful to you in public.

Answer 11

It is not up to his parents whether you work or not it should be up to you and your husband. You need to discuss it with him and show him that he can afford you not working and being a stay-at-home mom.
No offense but he sounds like a butt. I am in the military, my husband and I are about to have our second baby and I am getting out in June to be a stay-at-home mom and he completely supports my decision.
I hope that everything works out for you... Good luck