should i let my son go when i am being left out of this family function?

Question

My stepdaughter thinks being around me she needs a vacation after. But she wants my husband to come down for a week.... and he wants to bring my son with him... am i being unfair by saying this is going to look a little weird for my son as he gets older that i dont attend this vacation. I dont think it is fair that I dont get to go after all it is kind of like a vacation. I think what she is doing year after year is very controlling.

Answer 1

Yes, the stepdaughter is being very controlling and your husband is allowing her to be that way. He should intervene on your behalf and tell his daughter that either his whole family comes (you included) or no one does.

Something to think about, has your stepdaughter always been this way towards you or did something specific happen? Have you talked to her about it yourself? Maybe you can find the reason she's behaving this way and work things out.

Answer 2

Your stepdaughter needs to let go of Daddy. And your husband needs to be a man say "Sorry Hun - she is my wife so she's coming too" Regardless of whether or not the two of you get along, you are a family. My condolences - my boyfriend and I just broke up because his two sons didn't want me to date him either (11 n 10) People need to understand that they are adults and the parents and THEY make the decisions for their happiness not their children!

Answer 3

My answer would be no ... and your husband should not go either! Your stepdaughter is manipulating your husband and by him allowing her to do so shows little respect for you or your feelings. Ive been through this with stepchildren and while it is hurtful, you must eventually put your foot down. When the children are grown and gone, all you have left are each other ...

Answer 4

I think the fact that your husband is willing to go to visit without you is a little odd. And the fact that you are only complaining about your son going, not your husband.

It sounds like emotional abuse, and you are directing your anger to your daughter-in-law, when you should, perhaps, be thinking about how your husband's actions are affecting you.

Emotional abuse is unfair words and treatment that leave you with a loss of self-esteem. Your husband needs to support you and your feelings of self-worth, by making a united front to your daughter-in-law. You need to talk to him about this.

Do some things for yourself, now and if they do go for their "visit." Things to help you re-establish your self-esteem. Announce that you are going to take care of yourself - spend time with your family or friends, or even just treat yourself to something special.

Whatever you do, don't play the martyr and just lie down like a doormat and sit home while everyone else is enjoying themselves on their vacation. It's not about whether your son goes or not. It is how you are treated by others, how you allow yourself to be treated.

I really encourage you to ignore the whole issue with them and plan something wild and fun (spend some money on yourself - to equal the money they will spend getting there and while they are there). Tell yourself that you are special and important and you are worth it.

Warning - this may annoy everyone involved. They think they can treat you with no respect and you will lie there and take it. The more they are annoyed at your setting plans for yourself, the better you should feel. (If you have a good time while your hubby is away, he may decide he'd rather share that time with you next year than go for his visit to your daughter-in-law).

Answer 5

Sorry I think it is up to your husband to advise that you go as a family . It seems your step daughter is dictating his life . SHe is his child not the other way around ! If you have not done anything to make her feel that way about you and she is just holding in resentment then I do feel you have the right to advise your husband that he goes by himself .Though first of all I really think he need to talk to her .Has the three of you ever tried to make peace with each other . FInd out the reasons for the wall ??

Answer 6

I think that you are married to her dad, and that you shouldn't be left out of a family vacation.
You need to talk this out with your husband... I wouldn't let him leave me behind for a week with my son, just so the stepdaughter doesnt have to "deal" with you... that is childish.. and can cause a rift in your marriage if it continues.
If he makes this kind of concession for her now, what will she ask him to do next?

Answer 7

I understand the son is yours and your husband's and the step brother of the stepdaughter....Right? Well, she apparently doesn't like you but doesn't want to take it out on a little kid that she does consider her brother (though half). But, she should have respect for you and your husband should step up to the plate on this one.

Answer 8

It all depends upon the relationship you have with your son and husband wether the time away will work or not.If your relationship with your son is strong enough then nothing will break the bond between Mother and child.

Answer 9

Based on the controlling and self-centered attitude that shows through even here, where I am sure you are trying to reflect your best side, I would say she is probably accurate in her assessment, and you need to let them go on this weeks vacation. They probably need a break from you also.While they are gone, make a sincere effort to do some self-examination and resolve to be more generous, gracious and self-confident without being controlling.

Answer 10

Sorry, tell your husband and step daughter that once you said the wedding vows you all became a family whether they like it our not. That includes on trips not just when they feel like it. I think you need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. He should teach his daughter some respect.