Looking for as many different Confucious jokes as I can find. for example:
Woman who slides down banister has no hair by crackey!
2006-09-10 00:39:37 · 19 answers · asked by ? 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
2006-09-10 00:52:27 · answer #1 · answered by not_prfikt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can "make" these into "Confucious" jokes - huh? Work on it!!!!
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
what’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
what’s the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends!
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
what makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Why do bunnies make no noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
what does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "A recipe!"
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the “F” word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO!”
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna’ believe this ****!”.
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
2006-09-10 02:21:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've got been Wiccan for 23 years and by no skill heard of every person naming a wand. So surely, considering that this is your guy or woman element that feels precise to you, call it what feels precise to you. Insulting wand-naming isn't insulting Wicca-- with the aid of fact wand-naming isn't component to Wicca. lots of Wicca isn't Witchcraft-- it does not ought to incorporate Witchcraft in any respect. you may ought to maintain getting to understand on that, with the aid of fact your fact is basically incorrect.
2016-11-07 00:50:08 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door..
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
He who eats to many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who eat prunes get good run for money.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who scratch *** should not bite fingernails.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can't make him think.
"A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain." .
"You never test the depth of a river with both feet."
"Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand."
"The believer is happy. The doubter is wise."
It takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato—the best part of him is underground.
A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart.
A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.
He who never made a mistake never made a discovery.
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.
You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom
2006-09-10 02:28:50 · answer #4 · answered by dudewtf? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man who walk sideways through airport is going to bangkok..
He who live in glass house should dress in basement..
He who laughs last didn't get the joke..
2006-09-10 00:45:03 · answer #5 · answered by Jonno 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man who handles privates all day not necessarily seargent.
Man who put cream in tart not necessarily baker.
Man who snatch kisses when young,kiss snatches when old.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who put head in fruit drink get punch in nose.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
Man who go to bed with hard problem wake up with solution in hand.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Woman's charms like spider's web-lead to flies undoing.
Man who do pushups in tall grass not necessarily fitness fanatic.
2006-09-10 07:28:28 · answer #6 · answered by the gunners 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He who tells truth, is merely a witness.
A dogs' favourite tree, has bark worse than his bite.
The more the crap you get, the better the roses.
He who loves pet more than wife, gives bone to four legged b*tch.
He who misses bus, gets hit by ice-cream van.
The bigger they are, the bigger the bra.
He who holds nuts, spanky monkey.
He who climbs cactus, feels big prick.
2006-09-10 01:13:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
confucious says...........
When i was a wee wee tot
They took me from my wee wee cot
And put me on my wee wee pot
To see if i would wee or not.
But when they found that i would not
They took me from my wee wee pot
And put me in my wee wee cot
WHERE OF COURSE I WEED A LOT.
TADA
2006-09-11 07:08:24 · answer #8 · answered by flibertyjib 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Crying baby gets bust in mouth
Woman who fly plane upside down have crack up
Man farting in church sit in own pew.
2006-09-10 00:52:18 · answer #9 · answered by Jeffrey M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How about..
Mary mary
quite contrary
trim that PuXsy
it's so fXckin hairy!
2006-09-10 00:42:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He who goes to sleep with itchy butt gets up with smelly finger
2006-09-12 23:00:14 · answer #11 · answered by titobos 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋