Children getting into bed with their parents - serious answers only please!?

Question

My 4 year old stepson has been getting into bed with me and his father in the morning for the last 2 years.

He likes to chat, to bring his toys in, play 'pretend' games and play-fight. He's also curious about bodies and is intrigued by bums and boobies and other bits, which I've always seen as normal for a kid. I've tried to explain in a "ladies have boobies and men have winkies" kind of way.

He's now started trying to see the 'bits' of other kids at nursery, the little sod! As a result, his Dad no longer wants him in bed with us at all, as he feels it could be interpreted the wrong way.

I'm really upset, as this is our quality time, and the 'boobies and winkies' is just a tiny bit of that time. I've got no problems NOT talking about bodies if that would keep the peace, but I'm not sure if this would make it even worse, within him being MORE interested if he can't talk about it at home.

So what to do for the best? Views from child workers v. welcome!

Just to be clear - he doesn't sleep with us all night. He has his own room and his own bed. He just comes in sometime after 6am because he's wide awake

Answer 1

My advice is to stop any talk about these things. Let him continue his morning bed routine, but don't talk about bodies because it will eventually be misunderstood by someone and there will be nasty accusations. It's kind of sad, but these days it is best to be cautious. If you don't talk about it, and change the subject when he brings it up, he will lose interest.

Answer 2

this is just my personal experience... I grew up in my grandparents home with my mother as well. And I slept in my grandmothers bed at night, sometime alternating between my moms bed. Until I was in the 3rd grade which would of made me... 8. Around the 3rd grade my mom and I moved into the house next door and I slept in my own bed.

At first I belive, I use to fall out of bed alot. My bed was (and still have) a 3/4 bed that sits two feet off the ground. An awesome bed, but alittle to big for me at the time.

My eyes use to play tricks on me at night and I would "see" things. So I liked sleeping withone one else, becuase I didn't feel alone.

I didn't have problems sleeping on my own though and did (every other weekend) at my dads.

As long as he doesn't have the need to sleep with you, or the act of sleeping with you be the equal of having a security blanket or sucking his thumb. Then I wouldn't worry about it.

Keep that quality time while you can enjoy it, cuz soon he won't want anything to do with parents. And since he liked to hang out with you in the mornings, take that time to develop his values and waht it means to be good person. it will help shape him into a stronger young person.. and school can be rough. it will help him take the crap that comes with it, and not let it deter him. To stad up for himselfs and others, that might not be able to.

Don't let this little.. incident deter all the good that can come from it. Bad and weird things will always happen... but the little things like spending that time together can make all the difference when he's in those situations and has to make the choices on his own.

Answer 3

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a four year old getting in to bed with his parents.

It is quite normal for a young child to go through a phase of sexual curiosity, it normally goes away as quick as it comes.

The fact that the boys dad no longer wants him in bed with you rather suggests that dad feels uncomfortable and that might well be the real problem. You should not feel uncomfortable about bodies in front of a child so young and if you do the child will likely pick up on it and wonder what the fuss is about and therefore become even more curious.

Answer 4

When i was younger, about 5, 6, we (me, my sis and my brothers) used to go into Mum and Dad's room, in a morning on the weekend, and chat and play games, etc. Surely it's natural for children of that age to be curious about bodies, but maybe the nursery thing is a bit weird....
I'm 15, and my littlest brother is 11. He still sleeps with Mum some nights, which i think is really weird and wrong. But Mum doesn't. When we try to speak out against it she shouts at us, and says it's fine. Hello? He's at high school now! She puts it down to the fact that she and my dad divorced when Chris was 6, but surely it should have stopped ages ago.
I think it's ok for your 4 year old to do it, it's a bit of quality time as you say, but maybe you could cover up a bit more?

Answer 5

Be sure that everyone in bed is fully clothed. A lot of pervs get the wrong idea about this because a lot of other pervs have done sick things. It is normal for a child to be curious but explain to him also that it is not acceptable to talk about or point out these features on others. Try using the term "Privates" and explain that these parts are very special and that everyone has their own private parts. Explain the need for privacy. My son has Night terrors. I don't know why. He is only 2. We let him sit in our bed and talk for a while after he stops screaming and rolling around. He calms down then it's back to his bed.

Answer 6

I believe it would be better not to talk about the body parts. My son also comes in our bed often. And occasionally all night, one of us end up on the couch (usually me - lol) anyway we don't give much anttention to it. And he never asked further. I always try to cover myself up as best as I can. Also if we take him for a shower I always keep my boxer shorts on and my wife if it her turn always keeps her underwear and bra on. We do this to show him that these areas are indeed private and we believe for a 4 year old sex education is still not neccesary. We believe that when we know children are going to talk a lot about it in school then we will talk about it.

For your protection be carefull, you don't know if a teacher or some other person would be thinking malicious. For example if your son goes to school and would say ' my daddy has this or that and my mummy this or that' People with dirty minds may think the child is molested or abused.

Answer 7

Sounds normal for his age, I would not let it worry you too much. A child should be able to have a special time with their parents to chat and play toys but if it worries your partner could you not have a specail half an hour where you all play in his room before you go down stairs once everyone is dressed and the beds are made.

Answer 8

I have 3 sons and we bought an extra large bed as our 4 year old ends up in the middle, not invited we wake up and he is there...
On a saturday morning we get all the kids and watch telly in bed, my kids are age 8,4 and 2 I think its because some kids just like the company of there parents It probably wont last for lond. I think all boys are interested in boobs and bums my kids find it hilarious if you pass wind. And ask about my chest tell him what they are and then distract him with something else he will lose interest mine did.....
Hope it helps????

Answer 9

My little boy is 6 and comes into my bed all the time... he is also obsessed with "bits" of the body and generally if he sees my boobs dissolves into fits of giggles.... although he is a little older than yours... he understands the differences between girls and boys although I haven't gone into great detail about anything as I feel he's too young.

It must be a little awkward as this boy is not your biological son, so the best advice I can give is to ensure that when your stepson stays over, to cover up and wear PJ's and be a little modest so he doesn't see you naked.

Most parents freely shower/bath dress/undress in front of their children so I wouldn't worry too much.

Morning time is so special, the kisses, the cuddles with the little ones, the rough and tumble... all such an important part of growing up. Your partner will regret it if he gives it up.... tell him not to worry and not to get so sensitive about it.

PS: I've just read some of the answers posted... god... their children must feel totally unloved!!!! Like I said... don't worry... just make sure you wear some PJ's and try not to roll over onto a plastic Power Ranger... those buggers hurt!

Answer 10

I guess it's to late 2 say this but you should never let a child sleep in the bed with you and your husband. I made that mistake with my 9 year old when he was 2 and he still has problems sleeping alone. Break the habit now before it's 2 late or the child will have problems comforting himself and will have problems being alone. Not to mention breaking into your alone time with your husband.

Answer 11

First I would make sure You were both u and conduct your quality time in another room like the breakfast table or lounge.

I would also try and keep conversations in perspective if you talk about the body you must also talk about the tabbos that go with them such as privacy of parts.

Its nice to hear you are conducting conversations with your children so many do not. He will benifit form this as long as you arethoughtful about the approach