How do I tell someone I have herpes?

Question

Im in a new relationship and we have already been intimate. Kind of a suprise, throws of passion thing, but we have either way.

Now - how do I let him know that I have herpes?

This guy and I are talking about a serious future and everything. This is the last secret I have from him.

I contracted it through HSV1, or cold sores. I have had cold sores my entire life.

What do I say? How do I say it? Over email? When?
I need to know exactly. Im really scared and I feel terrible for letting the intimacy happen before i told him anything,,,,

Please no mean comments. Im looking for real help, not some jerk answers.

Answer 1

Straight up honestly. No beating around the bush or candy coating the situation. Maybe be able to present him with a brochure or information full of facts and myth busters.

I would appreciate honesty and completely appreciate dispelling any preconcieved notions I may or may not have.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

The one thing to consider is that cold sores (oral herpes) are so common that most adults already have them! 50-80% of adults have them. Cold sores aren't pretty but it's so common that it's hard to get too upset about it. If over half the men out there have oral herpes, you've already got a 50/50 chance he's already infected anyway.

The thing is that most young men don't know much about it, don't know they might be carrying it, and don't understand how/when it's spread. The sad part is if you tell him you've got oral herpes, he'll probably never speak to you again (ignorace). Maybe a middle ground is to causally mention you get cold sores... and let him decide if he wants to be worried or not.

It's only transmissible just before and during the cold sore outbreak. You can avoid contact during those times. If you get constant outbreaks, talk to your doctor about taking a virual supression drug like aclovclovir (spelling?)

It's not the end of the world. If he freaks out, take it to mean he's not as mature or sensible as he seemed and it's a blessing he's gone.

Answer 4

I got identified with herpes (type 2) about 5 yrs ago, whilst I was still in college and had a stupid one-night stand. I realize loads of girls say this, but I swear I had never done that sort of thing before. I just made a massive mistake that one time and suddenly it seemed like I was going to have to live with the implications for my entire life. The hardest part was feeling I could never date guys again. After all, who wants to go out with a girl that has sores round her private parts? But since a friend shared this video https://tr.im/RCcmH everything got better.

Not only was I able to eradicate all traces of the herpes simplex virus from my system in less than 21 days, but I was also able to start dating again. I even met the man of my dreams and I'm so fortunate to write that just last week, in front of everybody in a busy restaurant, he got down on one knee and proposed to me! This system gave me back the opportunity to be happy and experience true love again. Now I hope that I can help others too by sharing this story.

Answer 5

I feel for you and I guess there is no easy way to do this. For anything that is important as this..... a special person that you may want to share you life with......... face to face is the only way.... That way you can look into each other eyes read the express there and express your self.

Let me firstly say this,,,, you don't go around saying Hi I'm blah blah blah and I have herpes.........(just like I dont go around saying Hi Im Fiona and Im a lesbian) sharing that part of me comes with time and trust. how could you say that to anyone first off...........It sounds like you have done some research to me and let me firstly tell you that the chances of you passing it on when there isn't an outbreak is very very very slim. Doctors are divided on this from what Ive read. There are some good website on information but like I said I think they don't all agree. I good one is
http://www.famvir.com/info/living/with/life.jsp
on it is a anti viral medication site that offers scientific advice.
Maybe you could print this out before hand and other things and when you are chatting with him show him the information afterwards. Give him the option of going with you to a doctor, so that you can both learn that you can have a healthy sex life... it isn't a life sentence if manage probably.
As for not telling him before you slept with him,... all you can do is apologise for this... explain you were scared and didn't know how to approach it etc.............
Best of luck and Hugs
Fiona

Answer 6

I agree with most of the panel here, just tell him, be honest but don't blurt it out. However, you haven't really specified what it is you have and I think the other people answering your question may have assumed. You are talking about cold sores, am I right? You mention intimacy, are you talking about kissing him or performing oral sex on him? Otherwise, I'm not sure I understand your problem. A lot of time, (I'd say most but I can only speak for my self) men will not kiss you if you have a cold sore. They are not easy to hide. I've had them since I was a teenager, and I know. Whatever your case may be, do NOT tell him via email, over the phone or in a letter. If he loves you he should understand, but expect him to be shocked at first.

Answer 7

Find a time together to be straight with him and tell him what it is you need to say...but DO NOT, by any means, let the words out of your mouth be: "I have Herpes"...instead tell him how much you appreciate the relationship, and that you are entirely ready to see it through, but before it can continue, that you need him to know you have (technical name for Herpes) which is (fluent but without pausing) such and such disease caused by Cold Sore virus, which is where you got it from...explain how you are actively treating it and how you dont feel it is enough to hinder the current relationship. Maintain an absolute mature expression on your face, as if explain to a child and wait for his response...if it is equally mature then you've got yourself a great guy...otherwise, you've found out a great way to tell future interest.

Answer 8

I contracted HSV1 in 1985 from my ex-husband on my privates. The details aren't important, but when I went to the doctor for relief, he told me several things I have remembered: 1) Stay away from caffeine, and try to keep your stress level low as this can cause an outbreak. 2) Don't have intercourse with your partner during an outbreak, as they could contract it. 3) Take L-Lysine (an over the counter supplement) to protect your nerve sheaths.
I divorced my ex 7 years ago. I have had a couple of relationships since then. It was SO hard to tell my potential mates about the problem. But I felt I owed it to them to let them make up their own mind if they wanted to be with me or not. Both of them were great guys but for different reasons (NOT the herpes) the relationships didn't work out. They're still my friends, and they respected me for telling them about the herpes. If you truly care about this man, sit down at a neutral place (not his house or yours, maybe a park or something) and tell him. Educate yourself as much as possible before telling him & present him with the facts. My heart goes out to you, and I certainly wish you all happiness. God Bless.

Answer 9

First you need to be totally honest. What's done is done and you can't go back and change it. Click the link below and take a look at the Herpes Handbook. It will give you information on how to tell a partner pre and post intimacy.

Good Luck

Answer 10

First you have an obligation as the other sexual partner to inform him of you condition: it is a reportable disease among the medical profession. If the relationship is a good one, it will have no affect. If he dumps you-there was no long term commitment there.
Secondly you have a obligation to prevent re-infecting yourself once you have spread the infection to him. I can be a more serious condition once re-infected.People don't realize this can lead to other illnesses and could possibly cause early death.
Third you have a moral if not preventing a possible devastating epidemic of a viral infection to others, to protect yourself and your partner(s).
Keep in mind if children are in your future, an outbreak determines how you can deliver you newborn.

I apologize for being blunt: but I'm a nurse that works with infections and I feel the only way to prevent the spread of other infections, is to protect yourself even if you are the infected person, protect your partner(s) whether they are infected or not and taking responsibility by telling them and getting medical care.
I hope this helps. Take care and good luck. I hope it works out for you.

Pegasus, LPN

Answer 11

hello there!
first of all, i want to tell you one important thing: there is nothing to be ashamed about!
Herpes simplex virus (HSV) is a very abundant phenomenon and it isn't necessary contiguous thing.
as u probably know there are 2 common places for herpes: lips and genitalia. HSV is a chronic thing which can "wake up" any time but only then it is contiguous!
whice means that only than if u kiss/have sex (depends where u have the HSV) u can pass it on to your boy friend.
all of this u should explain to him: it is not necessarily a sexually transmitted disease, u may have caught it from a bottle from whice someone with herpetic wound has drank before you.
u may be surprised to know that many many people around you suffer from HSV - as a doctor i can tell u - it is as common as that - who knows maybe even your boy friend has it.
explain to him that this is not a life threting disease, that if you will refrain from kisses/sex during eruption he will not catch it from you, and some times you may not have an eruption for years.
if he loves u there is actually no reason for him to run away *i know my boy friend didn't run' and actually he is my husband now :-))....
good luck!