I found out I have HPV and I feel as if life's cheated me. Does anyone else relate to this?

Question

I know the only way to prevent this was not to have sex.

I feel cheated because, 1)Many have sex with multiple partners & get no diseases. I've only had sex with three women, & we always got checked for diseases before we did anything & always tested completely healthy.

2)First time having sex, condom broke, so I could of gotten HPV from that first time even though I protected myself.

3)Found out I have both genital & anal warts, & I'm straight, never had anal sex, never do anything with that part of my body other than clean after shower/wipe after using bathroom.

4)Doctors have assumed I'm gay because I have anal warts, which makes visits humiliating.

5)I gave this to my wife unknowingly & feel guilty. Doctors say there's no way I could of known I had it without symtoms, which I didn't have till recently.

6)People say most have this, but I feel like I'm the rare few who unluckily has this.

I feel like a failure with a ruined life and sex life.

Thoughts?

Also, I feel like if I knew about a disease like this thats near impossible to even detect in people, and the details behind it, I probably would have never had sex all together. It seems that sex is just terrible altogether because of the fact that at any moment, you could get this disease. Even if you wait tioll marriage to have sex, you can still get it unless you marry a virgin, which is near impossible to find and also, how can you deny marrying the one you love even though they aren't a virgin.

I feel like even though I had sex, I did everything I though was right to protect myself from any diseases, and here I am with an embarrassing disease that can be life threatening to my wife. I feel like I should just kill myself.

It'd be better if I actualy was very promiscuous and had many sexual partners, then I would feel like, hey, it was bound to happen. Or even if I was gay or bi, theh I'd be like, hey, it was bound to happen. But I'm nether of those, I was even alone for 3 years because I wanted to protect myself from sexual diseases, and all that time, I had this anyway without knowing.

It seems like the answer to this was, to avoid sex all through life until finding a virgin, which is like finding a particluar spec of salt on the beach when your in your 20's, and hoping she would actually be the one on top of that. Maybe I should have had my natural desire for sex to be removed as a child, that way, no stupid diseases.

Sweetheart - Your right. Beating myself up over it now isn't going to do anything. Cherishing life is the best thing to do. THis is just very new to me and so I still feel like crap. I just thought I did everything I could to avoid this, and in the end, the only way to do that is to pretend sex doesn't exist for my whole life.

Eve - Exactly. Whcih is why I should have pretended sex didn't exist all together.

Answer 1

Believe me HPV is not the end of the world. I have read that about 75-80% of the world has it at some point in their life. For most people it clears on it's own, but for others, they have it the rest of their life.

Luckily, there are no real health concerns with men having the virus. The biggest health concern with HPV is cervical cancer, and obviously men cannot get that.

Don't feel guilty about having it. It's really not as uncommon as most people think. And, you are not the first guy who has passed it to a women unknowingly. In fact, that's how many women get the virus, from men who don't realize they have it. Since, it can take months and even years to show any physical symptoms, men don't realize they have it and end up passing it on to their girlfriends or wife.

I got HPV right after I turned 17. That same year I developed cervical cancer. It was one of the most painful and emotional times of my life. I'm so grateful I had my family especially my mom to support me through it all. I also got genital warts about 8 months ago and I had them all over my genital area including my anal area because I waited a while to get them treated. Just because you had anal warts didn't mean you had anal sex and the doctors shouldn't assume that. Genital warts can happen all over the genital area, not just on the penis or vagina.

Now that you know you have it, just make sure if you get warts again to have them treated. I would also suggest you have your wife get a pap smear done every single year since she also has it. Pap smears are the best thing a women can do to detect early signs of abnormal growth on the cervix, which can later turn into cervical cancer.

Best wishes to you! If you want to talk about it, feel free to email me.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel. I've had HPV for maybe 3 years now and I'm married. I had to go through the whole thing with my husband and by the grace of God he was understanding but now I am at risk for so much more. I have the kind that causes cervical cancer. =( Anyway, for a dr. so assume you are gay is not right because if you do have symptoms as a male it would be warts around the genitals and anus. Has nothing to do with being gay. That's just where the symptoms are and that's why most men don't know they have the disease because if they can't see anything externally there is no way of diagnosing it internally because they don't have pap smears. Women on the other hand can have it diagnosed by having a pap. Since I have had the disease I feel really insecure about myself and my marriage at times. I wish you all the luck in the world but I am glad to know I'm not the only one.

Answer 3

I can relate! I'm a female with HPV that can lead to cervical cancer if not treated properly. I've been struggling to deal with the fact that this can be fatal & that I didn't think more about what I could've done to better protect myself or just have practiced abstenance, but I do realize that sitting here in regret for the rest of my life and beating myself up all of the time is not going to change anything. My advice to you is to live life well and cherish every moment. Take care.

Answer 4

yes. I had been tested for yrs and never even heard of HPV...I was having some issues and went to the OBGYN and had test...came back I had HPV, thinking okay whats that...well come to find out it had given me cervical cancer, So yes I feel like a failure at times too. I had only had sex with two men at age 30. Thought I would be just fine....

Answer 5

Yes, I always do have that feeling when I find something way too funny. But I always fail at holding it in. Usually I just burst out laughing, and everyone looks at me like I'm crazy, but it's their problem if they don't find things as funny as I do. It's their loss.

Answer 6

You kids never get it till you get it! Sorry for you, but that is the danger today. You don't even have to be promiscuous, once is all it takes.