How can I help my son 30 who is diabetic, living with me, has no job,. I am widowed having hard times too.?

Question

The problem with kicking him out is that he has diabetes really bad with blood sugars over 400 every day, he has no health insurance so he is just, well, I guess slowly dying. He doesn't seem to understand about his diet, he eats anything. He is not overweight, on the contrary, 6' tall 160#. He lost all the weight probably from the keytones eating up his fat stores. He has passed out twice, maybe more, two times that he has told me about, from high glucose levels I am sure, because he complained of intense thirst prior to blackout.
This delimma is worse because he is not willing to comply with his diet or his medications that we get free from some pharmacutical companys. I am almost bankrupt and getting depressed. I try to motivate him to get a job , so he will have something to do with his time and keep himself out of trouble, but he just seems lazy or doesn't care. I work full time and very hard too. I am living pay check to paycheck. Do I kick him out?

Answer 1

i am more or less in your son's situation but you don't state but rather imply that you are having to support him financially.of course this is wrong but here i am going to try and make you understand what a montrous problem your son has as i am in a good position to explain
the lack of understanding shown by my family has been a major factor in my attempting suicide.when a diabetic's sugar is sky high he will headachy ,very irritable and drained of energy.when the sugar is controlled he will be subject to hypoglycaemia and blackouts from insufficient bloodstream sugar.my family absolutely refuses to accept that in a low blood sugar situation that the brain is starved of fuel,there is poor mental functioning and that it is very hard to control your temper.my mother says poont blank that i am just making an excuse and i hate her guts for it and pray every day that she will drop dead-my family are not uneducated or ignorant yet they fail to grasp this
what will really be depressing your son will be loss of libido and i apologise to you for broaching the subject as you are his mother but it is very important to make you understand how he is feeling;at this pont in his disease because of his age there will probably be no psychical damage to the vein system down but he will be psychologically operationally impotent because of the worry of his condition and the sheer awful dead feeling of running such a high blood sugar-combined wiht not having a job this will make him feel totally demoralised
you are right in thinking that he is living dangerously and he is slowly damaging himself but i reckon he is so demotivated now that all he wants is to forget about it;i think that kicking him out of the house should only be considered after you find a way to motivate him;you don't tell what is his personality wthout the diabetes so we have no way of knowing whether he would struggle with life anyway or whether it was just the last straw in a life where he was struggling to cope anyway;this was certainly my case
dealing wiht the diabetes requires a massive effort of will and coordination and your job is to spark that will.-one of the problems with diabetes is that even if you change your diet and control the sugar you will be weakened for months afterward while your body deals withe the lower sugar levels and being in the normall zone as a diabetic i.e a reading of five would be perfectly comfortable for an ordinary person but a newly controlled diabetic would struggle on that.the libido does not come back immediately and the memory of hte psychological impotence takes time to recede
diabetes can be beaten and i have it under control now although all i wanted to do was give up and still do want to give up-breaking the habits of a lifetime say for example a chocolate habit i had since i was a kid was hard but gratifying
the only thing i can think of to motivate him and sorry for mentioning it again is to restore his libido-tell him once he stabilises his sugars and he can do this in a week and using short term viagra to give him confidence he can be back in action on that front almost immediately;that will give him a reason to control his diabetes
you can get a little idea of what its like if you fast too long or take some diabetic meds.
i have gone on and on and repeated to make you undeerstand the nature of his problem;show him my email and you have my address if you want me to explain some of the tricks of the trade for managing the disease
the start point is that you now understand what you are up against and mum will have to dig deep into her mothering abilities but make it clear to him that it cant go on forever-in my case i had to metaphorically hold a gun to my mother's head to loosen the purse strings by making genuine and repeated attempts to commit suicide-but there is a real possibility of a diabetic falling into despair and forgetting that other people have struggles too-in my case it does tend to take over my life
make it clear to him that you will always be there for him but that small changes have to be made otherwise he will not make an effort but this is a very tricky thing as it took me years to sort it out and if someone had pushed me i would have given up completely
demand some proof say check his bm levels
good luck,mum and don't be afraid to come back to me at any time
after thinking about it i would say that you need to admit him as a medical emergency and i would guess that he is also in need of anti depressant treatment-good luck
i have just received a reply from pink thong who made the massages comment to you after i asked her why on earth she said taht to you;her reply was that it was an unbelievable sob story and i must say her reaction is typical of the many negative reactions i get to my condition-anger ,disbelief ,hostility ,fear,stupidity and indifference and the worst ones are the ones who think they know about it-certainly someone could have invented a story and i can't imagine why unless yahoo users are even sicker than i thought but i answer these questions rather like an agony column aunt;the specific letters aren't real but are representative of questions and are there as a sort of template to instruct people
i dont really appreciate ppl who tell me i am a n idiot

Answer 2

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Answer 3

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Answer 4

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Answer 5

Im the fiabetic on our family and I could never kick out one of my kids never. And I don't think you will either.
Why are you going broke? Diabetics need only the very simply cooked foods. NO potatoes, oils or fats and never any black sodas, chips dips or processed foods (until they start dialysis... differnet topic)
Only fresh/frozen meats and some veggies with a fruit or something tossed in.
He really can't control the eating if he has all the junk foods there, for one his sugars are so high that he is hungry all the time and eating everything in sight. Right? back off the grocerys Mom, if he can't afford it it should not be in the house.

Answer 6

It definalty sounds if you have your hands full. Perhaps and intervention would be a good idea. Start selling things he owns that are of value. Tell him this is the only way that you can support him since he isn't willing to take care of himself. My mother is kind of in the same position all though she doesn't have to deal with the issues of my brothers health. The better question is, has he always had the illness or is it new? If it is new, it may be depression and perhaps you can seek a doctor willing to help you with the depression and get him on some medications. Knowing family members and friends with the illness, depression seems to be a common factor? I wish I had some more medical advise, but that doesn't seem to be the issue, it seems as more of a psychological issue. Perhaps, he enjoys having you worry, he is however a grown man, and maybe passing out and going to the hospital would be and excellent wake up call for him. It is equally unfair to you for him to expect you to worry and take care of him! Maybe he would choose to take care of himself if you told him he had to fend for himself. I personally do not believe you are being harsh, when in fact he seems to be the selfish, harsh one. I am not a professional of any sort. But, I am one who has witnessed a sibling take ADVANTAGE of my widowed struggling mother. Just food for thought!

Answer 7

I also have a diabetic son and can not imagine kicking him out with such a health problem, but tough love has to come into play here. You should set ground rules it is your house. Rules such as taking care of himself send him to the local health department to get education on diet. Tell him how hard it is emotionally and financially and how he needs to contribute. If he does not get SSI he needs a job and income to pay his share. Let him know the rules and say if he does not agree he will have to find other arrangements. He could get section 8 housing in an emergency. He is 30 not 3 and needs to grow up and care for himself

Answer 8

I totally agree with bigshowdetroit.I believe your son is depressed. I went through that when I found out I was a diabetic.I love to eat and then to find out you can't eat certain things you love.Here in my area we have support groups. That is what your son needs. Diabetes is a form of disability. You need to take him to the Social Security office and apply for disability or SSI.It is a hassle but you have to have patience and don't give up.If he gets it, he will get medicare and then he will have some health coverage. Tell your son he needs to keep the sugar level low. He can go into a coma with sugar levels in the 400's. He needs to eat 6 small meals. Don't buy the food that can cause his levels to go up. No rice, potato, corn, bananas, white flour, watermelon.. to name a few.Maybe he can get a parttime job. If you love your son, I would not kick him out because if he goes into a coma and dies, you will feel guilty.Diabetic people need to have someone around to watch them...Just have patience and try different things.. and I would say pray to the Lord for help. He has helped me literally with alot of problems and has gotten me through, if you only knew...

Answer 9

I would say he has mental problems and you should probably have him commited. Come on, if somone keeps passing out thats beyond your control and he needs help beyond what you can give him. There are probably sate programs that may help.

Or he is just a lazy ***... in which case kick him out. And maybe he will take some responsapility for himself. So i would like to think he has mental issues and should seek help with that. Then he can get a job and help with the bills or get out.

Answer 10

This is just my personal opinion, I'm not a proffessional or anything so take my advise or don't. It sounds to me like you've done everything you can short of tying him up and hand feeding him yourself. If he won't help himself there's only so much you can do. Remind him of how much you love him, then tell him he has to grow the hell up and take responsibility for his illness and his choices in life and if he won't send him out on his own with perhaps some information on where he can get someone else to guide him eg: diabetes foundation or counselling. He's 30 years old for crying out loud, your not going to be around forever and if he doesn't learn to stand on his own soon he'll be lost when your gone. You're not doing him a service by keeping him sheltered, it's doing him harm to not learn how to live his life on his own. Like I said it's just my opinion, but I've been told I give pretty good advise. I hope things start to look up for you, but they probably won't for you or him if you don't let him fall and pick himself back up. Take care :)

Answer 11

Son or not, he needs to take responsibility for his life and what he is doing or not doing. It was your responsibility as a parent to provide until he became an adult. At 30, it's long past ending your responsibility to provide the means for his needs. He is a man and needs to step up and assume the responsibility. Without that step he will always be dependent on you or somebody else do the point of financial ruin. And, YES, you need to kick him out as your financial burden and start living for yourself. As your child, yes, you are concerned but it's not your responsibility for his well-being once he has come of age. You need your life now. He, as an adult, must get on with his own life and not be a burden to you or anyone else.