I am a Musician who is more than just dedicated and my happiness is to play. She, however, has no hobbies, etc. she just likes being with me and the only other thing in her life is going to college. She's taking a class for music recording so she can have some involvement. However, she wants to also be a singer in a band she wants to create with me, from scratch, with absolutley no experience whatsoever. On my side, I have been in a band for a long time whom I have become personal, close friends with, but she doesn't want me to jam with them, just delete them from my life because almost five years ago now, I cheated on her when I was with the band. That's her excuse. All I want to do is play and she can record us. I thought it would be a great idea, but no, she wants to sing and start over new with people I don't know and waiting to even get people. What do you think, ...?
2006-08-14 21:32:52 · 16 answers · asked by Brennus 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If she wants to set conditions upon you then you relationship is NOT unconditional love. If she tries to control you than it may not be love at all.
What comes first? Your relationship with her? Her singing? Your happiness? Do you get any say into what you do in your own life?
Listen to your heart. If she is not really a necessary part of your life, ask yourself if she can get what she wants without you and is she just using you to gets her own desires met?
2006-08-18 13:49:38 · answer #1 · answered by Richard 7 · 64⤊ 0⤋
No I think she is being unrealistic. She decided to stay with you after finding out you cheated on her, so long as you've remained faithful since, then it is also her decision whether to trust you or not. You cant do things for her because she's making you feel guilty for it. You will only regret it and hold her responsible later, you'll feel contempt towards her, you'll end up with a Lennon/Yoko thing going etc. She also has not right to ask you to change your whole life around because she suddenly wants to sing.
Just tell her like it is. You've been with this band for years, you enjoy it, and like you said, you are more than dedicated and taking that away from you would be like trying to change the whole person that you are. You can't be responsible for her if she choses to not have any other interests outside of you, thats not healthy for her either. Just tell her how it is going to be, tell her what involvement she can have if she chooses and if she doesnt like it, well she can find another hobbie.
2006-08-15 04:45:56 · answer #2 · answered by having_a_blonde_day_lol 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's tough. It's your band...it's your passion...I don't think I'd give in on this one. Unless you cheated with like a band member or something that would change the name of the game. Tell her you love her, if you feel you do, and that you want to do this with her but that you want to first try it with the band/people you know. If it doesn't work out then we can do it her way. She'll see that you see her point of view hopefully and let it go.
Compromise. It's what it's all about.
Good luck!
Tell us when you get your first record okay? :)
2006-08-15 04:40:16 · answer #3 · answered by Ponderpink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump her. There's too many other people in this world who will be receptive to your ideas, dreams, aspirations. Clearly she doesn't trust you from your former indiscretions & wants you to change your life to fit her ideas. Even if you did go along with this, after awhile you'd start to resent her & drop her anyway. I say go on make a clean break of it & find someone that supports you & who also has a life outside of revolving around you. Things get very weary when you're the be all & end all for someone else...not a good situation to be in. Good luck with your music & I hope you find that special person to share your life with rather than trying to control it.
2006-08-15 04:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by kibbie01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has a good reason to not trust you . Because she is scarred in her heart by the thought of you pursuing with that band. YOu cheated on her in the past , and the band saw you disrespect her. So she won't feel right if you choose to stick in a band with them.. Sounds selfish, but it isn't.
But if you decide to go with them anyway, you need to prove to her it's going to be okay. Make her feel at ease. She needs to feel respected by you when they are there. I'm sure they know you two, but she just has to get past the past.
2006-08-15 04:48:04 · answer #5 · answered by denh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask urself are you really satisfied with your life now?even if you have been with the band for all your life.if given a choice in another life would you still want to have them?do they make life better for you as a person?or have they made you do some wrong things?
i do not think it is stupid.She only wants the best for you and she knows that best to some extent cos she's viewing from outside the band.
2006-08-15 04:42:03 · answer #6 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from experience .... do what you need to/want to for your own career, and tell her she deals with it or moves on.
This is indeed a complicated situation .. but often, women who are interested in musicians ... down the road .. they want their guy to totally give up their music. If she is giving you orders now ... just wait!!
My husband put his music career on hold for his ex-wife ... and has deeply regretted it. He is very very gifted, and "almost" made it ... now he is too old. He gave in to his ex-wife every step of the way for over 25 years ... then she left him for another man, because he didn't make it rich.
2006-08-15 04:45:15 · answer #7 · answered by Pichi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not stupid.. She wants to take part of what you do.. thats not stupid.. before my boyfriend i knew NOTHING about dirtbikes.. now i no so much.. and hes taught me.. and he likes that i take part in what he loves to do.. and im starting to like it just as much.. You should do the same.. Teach her stuff musically.. teach her things she doesnt know.. help her out and let her know that you love that shes wanting to take part in things you love.. and, if you dont feel comfortable with her wanting to start a new band.. Tell her so.. Dont hide it.. Remember CHAT ... Comunication Honesty And Trust...
2006-08-15 04:53:18 · answer #8 · answered by ♥OnCloudNine9♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hya hun if u want 2 start ova then ask her if she wudnt mind being with ur band as wel as new people bcoz she will be there wiv u most of da time if not all da time so she shouldt be worried about u cheating on her or anything good luck lov gem xxxx
2006-08-15 04:42:04 · answer #9 · answered by gem 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not stupid. It's just complicated and she seems to misunderstand. Maybe, there is a communication issue here. Tell her what you just wrote. If she doesn't understand, dump her.
2006-08-15 04:38:08 · answer #10 · answered by trombonegirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she loves u thats obvious , but the way she wants to own u will let u leave her sooner or later, because ur relation is not rational,ur not feeling free or comfortable ,I thing u better tell her ur real feelings and discomfort
2006-08-15 14:29:04 · answer #11 · answered by maysoun k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋