A relative of mine is depressed and has major mental issues. She has been seeing a therapist for ten years. She never gets out of bed and only goes outside to see her therapist once a month. She weighs almost 300 lbs. and is 5'5". She weighed 150 only five years ago. I told her during a conversation that she should really lose weight, or else her health will keep getting worse and she will die. She went off on me, saying her cholesterol is low and she looks great and now hasn't talked to me in weeks. My father tried telling her the same and she got mad then too. Finally, when her doctor told her to lose the weight or she would DIE, she quit going to him, called him a quack and now does not see doctors.
I don't want her to die. Help!
2006-08-14 19:59:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
telling her she's fat is not going to help her. She ALREADY knows. She lives with that thought every moment of her day. Find ways to support her, encourage her to get out. Don't remind her of the obvious.
Invite her to go out sight seeing or something enjoyable that will get her up and moving. Start slowly, and build up her endurance. Say you go to a museam or art show...then maybe next time a stroll through a park with statuary...don't make it seem like exercise.
2006-08-14 20:05:28 · answer #1 · answered by Deana G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Duh!! U've already told her... its ok to tell ppl they are fat and always there is a better way to tell someone they are fat, have a bad breath etc ...
Reality No 1 -Change comes from within.
Ur relative has a serious case of denial. And while ur desire to help is genuine - r u up to it (since she has various other mental disorders + 10 years of therapy). She has even flouted doctor's orders. Nuff said !!!
These are just suggestions; I have personally gone thru sum of it wt a close relative of mine, things might improve or they might not - don't set expectation on urself or her!! ( plz don't set urself up to guilt or overly responsibility to this situation - ur relative is not a kid)
Lifeline 101 -
** Be stern - if she does not speak to you - jus talk 2 her as normal and continue ur daily chats. It took her five years to get there .. but once she genuinely goes for change nothing is there to stop her.
** Take her before and after picture - blow it up life size n paste it prominently everywhere. She will have to face up to that - and put a large mirror next to her - so she can she what happened to her. The image in her mind is not the one outside.
**Since she stays in bed - who does her cooking, where does she get the money, her clothes. These are the things you can control - modify her food - there are many substitutes tht taste the same. U dont hv to tell her. Get clothes that r a bit tighter. This you have to get the family to cooperate and stay firm, if she throws a tantrum for not having her favorite oreos or sumthing .. and if she refuses healthy snack.. she can go hungry a day or two (or use the carrot approach - u finish this and u get one oreo)
** When she breaks down or cries be there to tell her how beautiful she is and what transformation is taking place. Tiny encouragements go a long way. Have a dress up in her room, celebrate - if she had prior hobbies bring it up again - what was she good at?
** Is she interested in TV? Music ? Get her to watch the biggest loser, oprah's reruns any inspirational motivation. Get some ppl if u know any to visit or sumone who is in the process of losing weight, who'd been huge - hae had depression problems - They can relate better.
** Finally encourage mini walks within the house 1st, as she gets more confident she can try other things - water aerobics is easiest for heavy ppl. Celebrate every success, even a 10 pounds loss can significantly help her health.
Last words -
My close relative improved so much that i thought Voila! Succes finally, but then now back to the same situation. I was depressed and hurt coz i feel like i've failed, but eventually i know i have given my very best shot and stopped the guilt and failure trip.
This requires some dedication from you n the family members. Stick 2 it for a at least 6 months(only if you feel you can do it), and i hope to hear your improvement story soon.
God bless =)
2006-08-14 21:03:21 · answer #2 · answered by sweet heart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you and your family in this situation.
It does sound like she isn't interested in losing weight, and/or is in a state of denial that that much weight is so very dangerous.
I've been big and small, although never that size, and the age and weight finally caught up with me a year ago, and I DID develop high blood pressure and very high cholesterol. My husband and father both had to have quad-bypasses last year, which put my own situation in perspective. Since April, I've lost 45 lbs, with 35 to go.
It may take a serious "scare" to snap her to attention, and to realize how very life-threatening this kind of weight can be.
It's wonderful that you love and care for her enough to want to help her, but truly, you can't help someone who does't want help. The first step to anyone getting better is that they first admit they have a problem. Until that happens there's not much more you can do accept pray for her, be there for her when she does need support, and use gentle words when you do speak with her.
Best of luck to you.
2006-08-14 20:32:34 · answer #3 · answered by CoasterCrazy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like my mom. she's still about 300 lbs, 5'4" and it's been about 15 years this way for her. numerous therapists and prescriptions and mental health center "vacations" later, nothing has worked. at one point she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and that's a hard one to shake.
with my mom, she has lots of grudges she holds onto. half the people involved in those grudges are either dead or no longer a part of her life. her identity is her anger and i think if she lets go of her anger, she's afraid of losing herself. kinda like the saying "the hell i know is better than the hell i don't know" i think that's where my mom is. i don't want my mom to die either, but we all die.i've come to accept this as she has o.d.'d on her drugs a few times. i would like her to have a healthy relationship with herself before she goes. that's the only thing i can hope for. that's all.
i know i didn't give you much hope with this answer, but just know that you are not alone in this feeling of helplessly watching someone you love make bad choice after bad choice . your relative may never be happy, but that's not your fault. don't lose your hope trying to make your loved one find his/hers.
peace be with you, sista.
2006-08-14 20:17:42 · answer #4 · answered by scantron 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
...and telling her she is fat is supposed to accomplish...what? She obviously knows that, all it would do is hurt her more & alienate her further from you. Try saying things like "I would miss you if you were gone. Why don't we plan some fun things to do for exercise together? I will stay right with you & it will be good for us both." Being supportive & positive, not negative, critical, or condescending will get better results. It may take a while for her to accept you are not teasing & won't give up on her, so be ready for a long battle. And best of luck!
2006-08-15 07:08:08 · answer #5 · answered by mustanglynnie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contact Dr. Phil
2006-08-17 05:16:21 · answer #6 · answered by M.S.DallasTx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it relatively is no longer ok. So what in case you have become slightly chunky? i'm specific you notice it if he does. He would desire to love you procedures you're. i'd say "thank you to your challenge generic practitioner, I have been given it below administration".
2016-10-02 02:36:27 · answer #7 · answered by aquino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs your help...not insults... She seems to be very depressed and her way of getting comfort is from food....Family should get together and try to get her to see doctor so she can recieve help.. There is no way that she can lose the weight by herself... She needs monitoring and guidlines to be set for her...she needs moral support...
2006-08-15 00:28:19 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she is in denial.because if a doctor tells you to lose weight then you need to lose weight!
2006-08-14 21:31:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her shes to fat
2006-08-17 04:58:48 · answer #10 · answered by alexsau1991 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋