My mother has a sickening addiction ... time for an intervention?

Question

My mother has a sickening addiction to methamphetamine. Our immediate family is well aware of it, due to her stealing from family, not working for months now & still managing to miraculously pay bills, buy gifts, etc. My mother and I are very open & we have discussed her situation. I'm defensive for my other family members (and myself) that she's stolen from, with tact. (That IS my mother.) Her boyfriend and her inform me when she's so sick from being without her "drug". Both of them are users and neither of them are working to correct their problem ... if they even see it as that. It's breaking up our family & I'm torn in the middle, trying to do the impossible and defend/please all parties involved. I'm pregnant & it's getting to the point where I'm tired of being nice and wish I could consciously decide to cut that out of my life, but ... it's my mother. It's a very hard decision ... & everyone is hoping I can find the solution. What do I do?

Ok ... her boyfriend and her are already in that 3rd stage of addiction. (I'm almost 100% sure that's how things get "paid" amongst their life.) Also, I'm 25. Parents divorced when I was 2 days old. (So, Dad's not going to be into "team playing".) AAAH yes ... and she's been to rehab before. I've cut her off from my life before. She's been to jail and "supposedly" was clean throughout her whole probation. Her boyfriend and her are already entering the early stages of their abusive relationship & having had that experience, I know the added difficulty that it adds to the situation. I believe she is in control, though, not him.

Not to mention, you can't exactly "admit" a full grown mother, that may/may not believe she has a problem. She has to make that decision.

I don't live with my mother, lol. Did I sound that juvenile? I have my own things to tend to.

Answer 1

It's time for tough love. That means you need to let go and recognize that it is HER problem and not yours to solve. I am sure you have enough responsibilities and concerns just dealing with your own life. If you can't do this on your own, attend some support groups for people who have addicted loved ones. Doing this doesn't mean you love her less. It means you love her more. Good luck.

Answer 2

You should probably just concentrate on yourself right now, and stop trying to be nice about an impossible situation. You don't need the stress when you are pregnant. Just stay out of any close involvement with your Mom's life right now. (If she is high all the time, she probably won't even notice you are putting this distance between you and her). I don't think an intervention would really work very well. I have heard there is only a 15% chance of success with any treatment program for meth addiction (and I've heard as low as 5%). Only your Mom can decide if and when she needs treatment, and it will have a better chance of working if she asks for help herself. It wouldn't hurt to write a letter to her, explaining your feelings. Maybe you can get through to her that way.

Answer 3

You are doing everything you can, so don't be too hard on yourself. Your mother is an addict, and only the addict can want to change their addictive behavior. The fact that she "discussed her situation" with you, reveals that she is contemplating change, but remains loyal to her drug. Someone else mentioned giving an ultimatum, and I agree. When your baby is born, your mother will undoubtedly want to babysit. You will have to inform her that she cannot be alone with your child until she seeks treatment for her addiction, and has a substantial amount of "clean time." You can mention to your mother that if she agrees to go to a hospital "detox" program, that she will be weaned off of her drugs slowly, all the while being in a supportive environment. Next, she will be transported to a 28 day or possibly longer long term rehabilitation center for substance abuse. After that, she will receive outpatient treatment, coupled with recovery meetings at NA. Unfortunately, there is no cure for addiction, only abstinence plus change, if she is willing to do so. She must be willing to make the changes and sacrifices necessary and realize that her addiction affects many people, and is killing her. Best wishes to you all.

Answer 4

Mere sentiments will not help in solving this problem. Understand that she is sick and also in bad company of sick friends.Because of the support and the so called tolerance by you all, it has become worse.At the near future, both she and her friend shall enter the third stage of addiction and can turn real violent/criminal minded.
If you can get her admitted in some far remote de-addiction centre, there is still a chance. None of you should be lallowed to see her during treatment and do not heed to her pleas!!Probably there is a chance!! Do not thorw her out bluntly it may boomerang on you and your child. Forget that she is your mother but just see her as a chronic patient and get her admitted!!!

Answer 5

Send her to rehab...if she won't go to rehab willingly, call the Maury show or the cops. Seriously, those are the only options you have. It's nearly impossible to get off of that without the proper assistance she needs...

I live in Arkansas, which is basically the meth capital of the U.S....largely because it's produced in Oklahoma and remote areas and transported along from the intersection of the U.S....everyone knows this around here, but not enough is being done. Get her some help, and good luck. I know what you're going through...and you don't need this stress, especially if you're pregnant.

Answer 6

You are having a baby, you need to concentrate on being healthy and getting ready for your baby....this may be a bit too much for you to take on. This is definitely a stressful situation and stress is not good for you or the baby. Have an intervention and be firm....tell your mother it's time for her to get help or you can't have her around your baby. It may or may not work but it's worth a shot. I know how you're feeling, I've been through this type of thing myself... and even though it's your mom, you're gonna be a mom soon and you need to start looking out for YOUR child.

Good Luck.

Answer 7

wow that is really sad and not only that you are the child of her why is it up to you to find her help why doesnt everyone else try to help unfortunatlly this is a very hard situation you are in and they would want to have to quite to do so.you could try an intervention oh i see your not a child give her some altimations and you have to stay strong im sure you love her more than anything but you have to be careful now with having your own child do you want your baby around that i would hope not i sure wouldnt there are so many things in the world to help addicts now days.maybe you should talk to a counsler and see what they suggest i wish you lots of luck and good luck with your new one on the way keep her or him safe

Answer 8

I'm truly saddened to see you put in such a situation. Your mom and her bf both are playing a very dangerous game, dipping deep into the illegal meth drug culture: which is full of addictive scumbags--many with a deadly violent itch they'll eventually want to "scratch"; others will eventually be all too willing to turn in (rat out) your mom and her bf to police, in exchange for making a deal. And not to mention their associations with these scumbags also may pose a danger to you and siblings sharing your mom's household.

Not to mention their use of meth will eventually cause bone disgeneration in the long term, another negative side effect of the drug's use. And like any highly addictive illegal drug, what one WON'T do to get the money for another "hit".......

Your options, unfortunately, are limited. You can sit mom and her bf down and tell them how their addictive drug lifestyle/use hurts you beyond words and ask they cold turkey turn away from the drug and it's sordid underbelly clientele. Be prepared for this to fail, bearing in mind how powerful meth addiction is.

If mom does not heed your pleas, I'd try to seek living with decent relatives AWAY from mom, because you don't want to be around when the police blitz raid the house and you surely don't want to meet any angry scumbag friends who may have a sore score to settle w/ mom or bf..........

The only sound intervention that seems to effectively work is doing jail/prison time for meth possession/use. Once one sees time, they have no choice but to dry out and seek positive treatments to battle the addictions.....or face further years locked up. Sadly, this may seem to be the only resource left for mom, should she turn a deaf ear to your pleas.

Answer 9

My mother was addicted to pain killers for many years. It tore my family apart, my parents got divorced, it was ugly. What it finally took was tough love. Basically a "your kids, or the drug" ultimatum. I basically told her that the either has to get treatment or she will never see me again. It was hard, but it was the push she needed, and I did refuse to see her until she went into treatment. Then I went and visited with her and gave her the support she needed. In hindsight, I think a supportive intervention would have been more successful. But still, a drug addict needs to know the consequences of their actions, and of not going to treatment. Good luck to you. I know it's hard.

Answer 10

First off, this is a horribly stressful environment to be caught in the middle of, let alone being pregnant in. It is in your and your baby's best interests to get away for a while so that you can focus on the little one growing inside of you. Second, your mother's relationship with her boyfriend is bad news....both of them being users allows each other to continue using. I've seen couples who never try or care to quit because they both are addicted and being together allows them to continue fulfilling their need for meth.

Unfortunately, meth users can only stop when they want to stop. They need to have some sort of revelation and extreme motivation within themselves to quit. No matter who tells them, threatens them, or tries to force them to quit (it may happen temporarily), they will go back to it. Meth is one of the hardest drugs to quit, and I have NEVER seen anyone quit by someone else's efforts. I know someone who went to rehab for a year and a year later...back on it. It's so sad to see someone you love hurt themselves, cuz to a certain degree, they have no control because meth takes over.

Another sad thing is that meth users are shady...they'll do whatever it takes to get their s h i t. Your situation is awful, your mother should be helping you through your pregnancy, rather than you having to take responsibility to work out family problems caused by her drug use. Let me put it this way. You can't force your mother to quit. That has to be her own decision. Having said that, you don't really have control over the situation, therefore, you should make you and your baby a priority over your mom's drug use, because you DO have control over you and your baby's life, and it can't be healthy for you two to be around that kind of stuff and stress. I know it's your mother, but I think you should sit her down and explain to her what a difficult position she has put you in. Let her know that you love her and always will, but as a mother herself she should understand your perspective and your need to get away from the situation.

Good luck, I really sympathize with you for what you are going through. I wish your mom and her bf the best of luck, cuz quitting meth is the hardest thing to do. If they can do that they can do anything.