why does it seem that kids lose their potential as they grow?

Question

I have a 5 yr. old daughter and it is staggering when I consider her potential as a person to grow, to learn, to love, to live... but it seems like something happens (to MOST of them) between when they are young and when they get older, where they reign in their potential, supress it, stifle themselves...
WHY?????????

Answer 1

If all the adults around you constantly telling you "it can't be done"... "It's not possible"... and always hearing negatives, it's not unexpected - eventually we convince ourselves that our ideals are not possible to reach.

We are born with a "sixth sense"... but we are taught to ignore it, that it is "silly"... Why? Because it can't be proven?

I'm not a country & western music fan, but I really love a song by Collin Ray called "What They Don't Know".

"Three kids gathered in a huddle
Broomstick fishing pole hanging in a puddle
They think they can catch that big one anywhere
And I ain't gonna tell them
Boys there ain't no fish in there

'Cause what they don't know
Just might be a blessing
Don't get 'em second guessing
Let 'em dream without a doubt
'Cause if they don't know
It can't be done they just might do it
If no one can convince them
The odds are stacked against them
There's no telling how far they can go
On what they don't know

A child bride and a groom not much older
They've got a baby and the world on their shoulders
Six out of ten don't stand a chance to last a year
Oh but they're in love and they can't see that far from here
[Chorus]
[Repeat Chorus]
On what they don't know"

Answer 2

When they are very young they are uninhibited and don't care what others think. It's all about the fun of the experience, what they like and how they feel early on.

Then, as they grow, they begin to care what others think and they may reign themselves in in some areas in order to "fit in better" with their peers. They begin to show some inhibitions and become more self-conscious, like the adults around them.

For example, a gifted child may purposely not work so hard at school so that he doesn't outshine his friends and get teased for being "a nerd" or "an egghead" or whatever they call it these days.

Answer 3

What I have found is that, for the most part, children from loving and mature and reasonably capable parents tend to be extremely bright, well adjusted and emotionall mature; but, as you say, they get to school age, and gradually they change.

I believe part of it is because the schools underestimate their intellectual ability but overestimate their emotional maturity. Schools could, I believe, offer more challenging material; and I think schools could provide leadership in the attempt to help define what people of what age should be doing and what isn't acceptable. Instead, schools make policy based on "they'll do it anyway".

For all the children who are the ones we are discussing there is an equally "impressive" number of children who are not as up-and-coming and bright. Not only do parents have to sometimes battle the school's "mentality", but there are also those other parents who have kids with values that conflict with what we consider "normal childhood"' or "optimal for education".

I have seen plenty of examples of parents having up-and-coming/bright/on-the-ball/curious/wonderful children, and when those children go to school they go to an environment that is so different from that of their super-nurturing/super-enriching homes that even though the children begin by liking the school, and even though they keep on hoping to get the kind of inspiration and intellectual challenge they'd like, each year goes by and they become more and more unenthusiastic about a school that doesn't seem to know they are there.

Children from solid parents tend to be less aggressive as well, and sometimes schools reward aggressiveness even if it is only the mild aggressiveness of needing to "establish" that one is the "smartest kid" Children from solid, capable, parents tend to be smart enough to know that there is a world outside of school, and that "there are children starving in third world countries". Highly intelligent children can be more in tune with the world and sensitive to the problems in it. More aggressive kids only care that they got all the answers right on the math homework and that the whole class knows they were the first to do it.

By the time kids are adolescents and early teens, they're all wrapped up in their new-found "grown-up-ness", so the lack of interest in school can get more pronounced. This is a time for physical changes and social changes, and since the schools started the "losing them" process years ago by the time they get to this high-academic-risk age the "losing them" process has already gone on far too long.

The "losing them" process may start out as a few snow flakes in first grade, but it snowballs and its consequences grow exponentially through secondary school. Very bright kids tend to be bright enough not to allow their grades to slip too low to the point where they will fail or not be able to get into college. What they do is underachieve their way to slightly above average grades (when they could have done so much better), get themselves in sometimes mediocre state colleges (because their grades wouldn't get them into Ivy League schools), and the cycle continues.

They may drop out. They may graduate. Bear in mind, though, these students have been fighting to remain motivated since about third grade if not before. Its been a long fight for them.

Whether they drop out or graduate, one day they will leave school, join the ranks of the grown-ups,and never quite figure
out exactly why it was that someone as intelligent as they wasn't able to do better.

In the meantime, those students who had that extra aggressiveness back in elementary school (even if they weren't
too great in the "human intelligence" department) may have
remained achievers, graduated from the better schools and taken their place as high achievers not because they were the most intelligent but because they were the most aggressive and just plenty-enough intelligent.

I'm not saying this is 100% how it goes, but it goes this way often enough to know it is a substantial part of the problem you write about.

Answer 4

It's what happens when kids stop living up to parents' expectations and start developing their own. It's not really a loss of potential, it's a loss of us having so much influences on their goals and choices. It's called growing up and it can be hard for parents to watch.

Answer 5

It's called outside forces. Society...peers, teachers, neighbors, etc. children and adults tend to believe the negative things that are said or they remember the negative more than the positive.
Our brains are programmed that way unfortunately. Not just negative things that are said:if two people are whispering in a group..........the first thought is are they talking about me? did I do something wrong, etc. Negativity persists evverywhere. People share dreams............others try to tell of horror stories or negative things that have happened and deter people from chasing their dreams.
What do you do about it with your child?
BUILD YOUR BABIE'S SELF ESTEEM.
Praise her. Tell her how proud you are. Point out the good things.
Teach her to play positive messages about herself and not listen to the negative. Instead reframe it. When something bad happens in life.........teach her to look for the important lessons and not to give up. Point out the good in life. If she believes........she will achieve more than she ever dreamed of.

Answer 6

But really if you think about it, its us. Look at how much attention we give our little ones as infants, babys, and then toddlers. We are constantly encouraging them and smiling at them. As they begin to roll over, sit, crawl, walk, talk, we are there for it all literally cheering them on all the way. And then we suddenly decide they really don't need all that, after all they can walk like me and talk like me, and therefore can think like me, so they don't need all the extra encouragement anymore. I think we put them in the category of little adults or something but they're not! They still need us but just in different ways that aren't as obvious as when they were babes. Lets vow to be just as attentive as they go to grade school just as we were when they were brand new. Good luck...I'm going through the exact same thing :)

Answer 7

The public school system. I'm not joking. Schools value conformity and order. Accountability systems such as standardized testing stifle innovation and creativity. Their structure doesn't allow for the development of the individual. I'm really not kidding...just watch!

Answer 8

in my opinon they are not challenged enough in school or at home. most children like to learn so challenging them to learn helps. my son is gifted and we are having a time with school because he gets bored very easy because he knows the material hoping for a better year this year.

Answer 9

I don't think you're really talking about potential as much as you are talking about imagination. Why do they loose it? Just look around. Reality is a scary place.

Answer 10

get busy with her. take a day off work once in a while to be with her! have fun with her. arts and crafts stuff thats fun and she will learn. take her to the park. take a mommy and me class. do FUN stuff. let her make friends. what im trying to say is.....let her GrOw