i want funny stories got any?

Question

i'll show you mine if you show me yours
tehe

Answer 1

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 2

The Critical Arab

The local Arabs were having there regular meeting to see who recieved the next assignment. Usually those who were assigned were willing and ready to make their sacrifice, but this time Abdul, the head of the counsel, got a bit of a surprise.

Abdul: Habeeb your name has been chosen, to go to the Manhattan mall where you will blow yourself taking numerous innocent lives with you. In the name of Allah!!!

Habeeb: Whoa, hold on Abdul, hold on. Now, is it really necessary for me to blow myself up, can I not just shoot a couple of people and run? Would it not be better for me and Allah if could come back tomorrow and do more damage?

Abdul: Well.....

Habeeb: And another thing, Abdul I have been here for 27 of these meetings and not once has your name been chosen, not once. I think you're bullsh*tting us Abdul.

Answer 3

Three bulls, one large, one medium, and one small, were standing in the pasture and had just heard a rumor that the farmer had just bought a new, larger bull.

The largest of the three said, "Well, he ain't getting none of my cows."

The medium bull said, "He ain't getting none of my cows."

The little bull said, "Well, if he ain't getting any of your's, them he sure as hell ain't getting one of mine."

Two days later, a semi pulls into the yard, and they unload the new bull. He's big and pissed from having been cooped up for the long journey. When the three bulls see him, the biggest bull says, "He can have my cows," the medium bull says, "He can have mine, too." The littlest bull, however, begins to paw the ground, snort and bellow, and basically carry on.

"What's with you?" the other two asked. "I'm just showing him I ain't a cow!" answered he.

Answer 4

Nope Srry

Answer 5

I ate a tube of yogurt wait that was mayonaise

Answer 6

I got a better idea I'll tell you a bedtime story..........Once apon a time there was...............the end!!!