A Struggling Mother?

Question

My 18 month old son has a sh*tty father who pays very little child support and only takes him when he feels like it. I have had to take him to court and I'm still getting nothing. I am a single struggling mother with very limited income. I love my son very much, but there are days when I just feel that he would be better off living with his father who makes good money. His father has offered to take full custody (which makes no sense to me since he doesnt see him that often now). What should I do?

Answer 1

I feel for you I really do, I too was a single mom.Her biological father has never paid a cent of child support and never bothered with her since the day I told him to leave.I was struggling to make ends meet but that made me stronger, as long as you are providing the necessities of life relax a bit and things will get better. You haven't mentioned your age or if you work or go to school.. have you considered returning to school to further your education to make your life easier for yourself and your son? that's what I did, it was hard but I did it. I fortunately met a great guy who thinks of my daughter as his own now and supports us both in every way.keep your chin up and check your community for resources to better yourself to make life a little less stressful,,you can do it.

Answer 2

YOUR MISSING THE POINT! Its not that he wants your son, he just doesn't want YOU to have him. I don't think he dislikes you, he just probably can't figure out why your after "more" when "you" got the son. Why would you want money? Some people just think selfishly . . .

What I would do is look in the phonebook for a local lawyer and see if he would "take an appointment" based on a SMALL set fee. Something cheap so that he could hear what your problem was, or some will listen for free. If he does, see if he will take your case to "sue your ex-husband for back child-support and a Garnishment of his Wages." This way, you will get a check every month, or even every 2 weeks from THE COURT SYSTEM that will be drawn from your ex-husbands salary even before he see's it. This way, he won't HAVE A CHANCE TO NOT PAY IT! And until all back child support is paid and your son is 18 or out of school, you will receive payments.

Also, ask your lawyer if he can add his "bill" to your husbands financial charges that you're seeking, since his "non-response" to your financial request is the reason you had to file the court case in the first place. If you win, you will NOT BE OUT ANY MONEY at all. Good luck!

BUT TALK TO A LAWYER! This is America, and without a Lawyer in the American Court System you're pretty much a nobody! :////

Answer 3

You have to follow your heart. But let me say this, I have been a single mom for the last 12 years, with 4 kids, all by my ex husband. He is in the Navy and it is very apparent that the Navy comes first. He has not seen my children in 5 years and calls maybe 3 times a year and will talk to them maybe 15 min. Well now they are 20,18,16, and 12 and they know that we have struggled over the years but I actually overheard my 18 yr old talking to a friend and she said, " we did without alot of material things, but the love was always overflowing" That right there told me that I made the right choice by FIGHTING for my kids and I would not change one thing.
Just because this worked for me,us, you still have to do what is best for you and him. Just don't ever give up!! There are so many ways to make it. It is hard but possible.
The reward will come in the end. Good luck and God bless.
P.S. Remember, Anyone can be father, but it takes a special person to be a daddy.
Signed, Mommy and "Daddy" of 4

Answer 4

Please hold on. Take a deep breath. I have been in a similar place in my life. I now have 4 children who are mostly, grown and I have been married to my second husband now 25 years. So it can work out. My little girl was only 4 years old when we married then we had three other children. The situation you are in, is of course terribly hard on you and your child. Try to not think about what everyone esle is doing. Do not think about what your ex is doing with whoever, do not think about what your friends are doing with their children or their jobs, or their careers, or their new cars or apts etc etc. You just shut those people out and think about you and your child. Then think about your four corners of the world and find pleasure there. This time in your life will not last forever, it does get better, but having everyone tell you how bad you have it, does not help. You know it is bad and your ex is not helping ...you can not change that. You can only change the way you look at things... That sounds easy but it is not. It is a constant effort 24/7 to maintain. you are doing good, and you will do better and soon this will be over, your child will be older and your job may change ,you may even met someone. A start for you everyday is to begin with the Lord. Talk to him daily. If you do not know him then pray and commit your life to him, build a relationship. You will be amazed at the power of his presence.
Gods blessing to you my friend. Hang in there.

Answer 5

its hard to say, I know being a mother myself that it would be very hard to let go of my kid, even if he is with his father! But in the same since once he has your son, he might decide that it is too much for him and then wake up and realize the responsibility is alot and offer to help you out more. I would give him a trial period to see what goes on, but I wouldn't just sign over custody. Also, you have to think about how often he would let you see your son and if hes going to try and say you owe him once you get on your feet. Hun, forget all that!! Go get section 8 housing, food stamps, child care assistance, and forget him. There are good men out there that would love to have a son.

Answer 6

It's important that you keep your child with you. If his father won't take the time off to spend it with your son, but asks for full custody, you need to ask yourself what he's really thinking. One of the moms at a day care I used to work at went through a similar situation. She found out that her ex was just trying to get as much money out of her as possible and wasn't caring for their child the way he should have. They both made a decent income and could both afford to take care of the boy on their own but child support was still a major issue. With the child support she was forced to pay him, he bought a new car and started buying electronics for himself, he also bought a babysitter for the boy and barely spent any time him. Because of that she was able to take him to court again and get full custody of him.
Keep fighting for your child hun. He's yours more than he'll ever be his father's because you care more to notice that his father doesn't. If you're worried about finances, talk to your lawyer, not just about getting more money from your husband, but about finding local organizations that will help families with food, and supplies. Good luck and be careful with what your son's father really wants from this relationship.

Answer 7

Sounds like a jackass to me.do you really want some one like that to be allowed to have his son instead of you.Ill tell you what im a single dad and will settle for no less than equal time with my son the idea of allowing a kid to go without becouse he dont have full custody is sickening.If he dont pay up because he dosnt want you to get his money,he should at least provide you with stuff the boy needs,if he cares at all.when my boy goes to his moms hes got diapers and plenty of clothes.Tell him to man up jerk.Im sorry hes like that hun were not all that way.kids come first thats why im always broke.Just do some more research theres got to be agencies to help.

Answer 8

go to family court and request that the dads paycheck be garnished for the child support. if there is a court order for support, its not paid, then the court can have it taken out of the fathers check BEFORE the guy even gets his check. the money will then be sent to you. Giving the father full custody would be stupid, he could then sue you for support, or worse, you wouldnt see your son again.

Answer 9

A lot of states now garnish right out of the guy's paycheck. Take him back to court and have your lawyer order it. Also make it so that he has to pay your lawyer fees for having to drag his sorry butt to court. Don't sned your child to live with a man that doesn't want to be a father because your son will end up resenting you for it.

Answer 10

Keep fighting honey. I to am a single parent who gets no support from my daughter's father. There are a number of assistance programs that can help you to not only get the support that you deserve but to also help you with getting things that you might need for your self and your son. One of the programs is called Help Me Grow. They help with your child's development and can also help with parenting classes, clothes, diapers and even groceries. Look to see if there is anything like that in your area, but I am pretty sure that it is a national program.