how do you handle it when people decline your engagement party?

Question

How do you handle things when almost all of your close friends decline your invitation to your engagement party and their reasoning is that one or the other has to work, can't find a babysitter, don't want to bring the baby, etc. Even our maid of honor and best man (who are married declined because he is working...we told them to come late but they said they don't have anyone to watch the baby and they can't bring him cuz he needs to be in his own bed)..am i too picky or should they show? Also, them and another couple we went to all their wedding parties and celebrations....do we tell them how hurt we are, keep them in the wedding party, etc. I don't know how to handle so many people we expected to come who declined. We had to narrow down 230 people to 80 and only 35 are showing up...what to do?

Answer 1

get over it

Answer 2

I'm so sorry, I know you must be extremely disappointed. Presumably you are very good friends with everyone you asked to be in your wedding. And your other close friends have declined too - Do you really think that they are all purposefully avoiding attending your party? I would assume that they are being truthful in the reasons given for being unable to attend.

As the mom of young children, it is extremely difficult to get a sitter And there are times I decline an invitation because the sitter I am able to get prefers to sit at her house instead of mine. Having the kids out at someone else's house until late is not a joy - I've done it on occasion and there are Very Few Reasons why I'd do it again.

My husband has been in several weddings and has gone to lots of wedding related parties and events without me (usually because of the kids.) However, he has sometimes had to decline some of the party invitations because I work a lot on the weekends and, as I've already mentioned, finding a sitter for the kids is challenging. Just FYI - I have some married friends that wouldn't attend a party solo for any reason - if their spouse can't go then they won't either. I'm not sure what that's about, but it could explain why one partner who is 'free' won't come if husband or wife is 'working'.

If you invited 80 people and nearly half are coming, that IS a good response rate for the party. You could choose to either have a really intimate gathering and give a shout out for the money you're saving. Or, go back through your list and maybe invite a few of the folks you really wanted to invite but had to pass over the first time. (unless you've 'cried' on too many shoulders and others would know their invitation came from the 'b' list!)

Dry those tears now, put on your party dress, and celebrate your engagement with those that come. And be gracious with those who declined - odds are good that they're wishing they were there! Happy Engagement!

Answer 3

Well, for something like this, that's probably about right. For parties you generally plan on about 1/2 the people not being able to show up, for one reason or another. Weddings are different, but this is "just" an engagement party. People aren't going to put the same priority level to this as they will your wedding, I'm sorry to break that to you, but they aren't. You don't say when the party is scheduled for, but you might want to think about rescheduling if there's a known major conflict in your area. I'm also kind of curious why you're getting so many people declining because of work, are you having this on a weeknight? Try having it on a Saturday night, not very many people work then. It's your decision as to keeping the matron of honor (since she's married) and best man, but their reason sounds pretty legit to me, I'm a mother of 2, and if they have a new baby, new parents tend to be a little stressed out about doing "everything right" for the baby. Cut them some slack. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

First off 230 people for an engagement party?!?! Thats ridicuous!From my understanding engagement parties were supposed to be small and intimate not as big as the wedding themselves! Even 35 people is a lot for an enagement party.
Either way.. Sounds like you are being kinda selfish. Aside from what a bride to be thinks, the world does not stop just because you are getting married. These people all have legit reasons for not showing up. You can't just take off work to go to a party or be expected to bring an infant! It's a pain in the butt to transport a baby and much less enjoy a party while trying to care for one..
Maybe you should reset the date or do a much smaller gathering at a nice resturant or something..

Answer 5

first why have a engagement party to begin with second if they are your true friends you and they will understand if they can't make it also you may want to change the date then and let those who can't come give them at least a month in advance notice so they can try to get off work or change the site to park so they can bring their kids to play and then they don't have to try and find a baby sitter also personally i don't care for engagment party's why have them just to tell all your friends that you are going to get married why not skip that party and have more money for the wedding and then do a couples wedding shower closer to the wedding your friends may think that they need to bring a gift for you all and might not be able to afford it with having to pay for the tux and for the dress and everything else good luck don't let this hurt your friend ship friends are hard to come by by the way congratulations on your engagement

Answer 6

This is a hard situation and I feel for you. It is best, in my mind, to enjoy the 35 who are coming instead of risking the loss of many friends. When people have children, they sometimes change their way of doing things. They may think they are doing the right thing and not thinking they are slighting you. There is always the way you see it and then the way they see it...2 sides to every story. If they have not lied to you in the past, then chose to believe them. Your only other option, would be to offer to supply a babysitter that would be in the next room...that is if it is in a place that can accommodate this type of situation. Wedding are always difficult. You can't pick times that work for everyone. Not asking you to be self-centered but this is your wedding...so enjoy whatever festivities you have picked and don't let others ruin the celebration of your love and commitment. Try to enjoy.

Answer 7

Could it be that the date you have chosen is no good? Maybe it's a working day, or a long weekend when people might want to go away? Are you inviting acquaintances or real friends? I think true friends would go through any amount of trouble to share your special times with you and your fiance. Acquaintances might not want to be bothered. I would definitely let your best man and maid of honor know how important it is for you both to have them present at your engagement party.

Answer 8

This would bother me too. I wouldn't be rash and make any decisions about not keeping them in the wedding party. Usually you choose those people because of a history of a positive friendship so don't let an incident like this make you question that. However, definitely tell them how you feel. Communication is the only way to solve things like this. You wouldn't want to risk a friendship over a misunderstanding of a viewpoint. Good luck, hope this helps.

Answer 9

I think you already know the answer to this, they are not really your friends. If I were you I would only invite the 35 who are coming to your engagement party to your wedding ceremony. It will make it far more personal and you'll know you are with genuine friends. Don't worry about offending anyone as they are not bothered that you feel offended. Good luck.

Answer 10

youve just gotta work around it, when did u plan your party?, if u planned it on a weeknight thats probly why most people arnt coming,people do have 2 get up in the morning and leave for work , take kids 2 school ect ect, i wouldnt worry about it 2 much, i do find it a bit stingy that not even ur maid of honour or best man is coming, if they dont turn up 2 ur wedding, then u have summin to worry about

Answer 11

it seems that u re not popular with people. they just don't want to come to your parties because they don't like u or think your party will be boring and they don't want to waste time. u can't MAKE people to come to party, and it should be pleasure for them, not an unpleasant obligation. probably u better start looking into yourself and start noticing what is this people don't like in u. and anyway why i could never understood - why people waste so much money for entertaining all those people on their weddings, half of them they don't even know well. to tell after how many people were present on their wedding? better go on some fancy trip and live in some fancy hotel and entertain yourself with that money. good luck