Should I feel guilty?

Question

Stay with me here: My 12 year old brother got a myspace account a while ago even though my parents told him not to. His friends, who are also no older than 12, all have them, too. My sister and I decided to tell my parents because my brother had also been swearing on his site. My dad deleted his account, but somehow it "returned." I decided to go to his friend's myspace today to show my mom how awful these kids are being on that site, but I ran into my brother's myspace again. It turns out he had logged onto his site a few weeks after he was punished and specifically told not to go on myspace.com ever again. I reported his site along with his friends' for being underage. My mom talked to him again and now he is crying. That really made me feel bad although I know he was definitely breaking the rules. I don't really know my intentions for doing this. I wasn't snooping around, but I stumbled upon his site again. Is this my business? Did I do the right thing?

I'm 18, Renee. Old enough.

Answer 1

You're looking out for your little brother. That's what a good big sister does. You're also finding out what it's like to be a parent. A sign of maturity. No reason to feel guilty. He's family, it's your business by default.

In later years, he'll remember how it was you that wouldn't let him get in trouble, and hopefully he'll value your opinion if he gets in trouble and doesn't want to go to Mom and Dad. If I'd had a big sister like you, I wouldn't have started smoking at 14.

Don't even be apologetic about how you are. Be tough with him. If he can handle being a big tough guy and swearing at 12, he can handle a big sis that doesn't cut him any slack.

If he hates you for it, tell him, "I'm not doing it because I'm your friend. I'm doing it because I'm your sister. Your friends are the one's that get you INTO trouble. I'm the one that keeps you OUT."

Answer 2

Why should you feel guilty? As an older sibling, you're responsibility is to look out for him, when your parents can't or don't. They haven't checked to make sure he wasn't online, so it's fine if you did, even if you looked for it on purpose. There's a reason that there's an age limit on the site, it's not meant for children under the age of 14 (really not 18), but the site allows 14 years old. He would have had to lie to even create an account. You don't want your brother to go down the wrong path. It's much easier to stop him now, and let him cry instead of finding out that he met a sexual predator later.

Answer 3

Recently on 20/20 they did a documentary on My Space. I am sure it was that web site. How easy perps get into it and fake themselves out as kids and have lured kids into really awful things. They had an FBI agent posing as a kid to do this episode to show the parents what their kids are up to.

What I think your parents need to do is monitor the site themselves so that they don't need to put you in the middle. No you don't need to feel bad for protecting your brother but it isn't your job.

There was just a major porn bust in where I live Alberta where a guy got all of these kids to do stuff on web cam by pretending to be their friend. Then he went back in and blackmailed them to do more and it worked. He did it by threatening to tell on them and by having their IM sites taken away. These sites mean everything to these kids so it worked but they don't know how dangerous the sites can be. It was actually two teenagers that turned the sick jerk in and he had hundreds of kids on his site in Canada and England.

Am I telling you to scare you. Yes I am. There are some bad people out there. If you have to keep protecting your brother do it. Better yet, get your parents to read this answer so they will pay better attention themselves.

Answer 4

There are plenty of times when you will have to get between your brother and your parents on certain issues, but only when they concern you. If your brother said something that worried or threatened you, then it is your business. But, if you simply think your brother should follow the rules, its your parent's business, not yours. Now, should you feel guilty. No, certainly not. If your parents do not want your brother using myspace, he should respect their decision. BUT it's not your job to make sure that he does. Once you get involved, the situation gets more complex for you. For instance, you brother may try to retaliate, because he knows you notified his parents of his use of myspace. Next time, just let it go. A lot of people may say you did the right thing, but deep down you know I'm right.

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

Please do not feel quilty. Even if you did feel mean at any time during this whole thing, the underlying problem is that your brother needs to follow his parents rules and he obviously needs to be removed from his so-called friends. If he keeps getting away with it, he will become desensitized to what is right and good. You do not have to have a trash mouth to have a fun life. There is so much more. As he grows older, he will always have someone to answer to and he needs to get that message now. It isn't easy to be the one who reveals wrong but as his sister, how could you do anything else. You love him and so do your mom and dad. Their love and care is far more important than any of his friends. I hope he turns around for all of your sakes.

Answer 6

I don't want to be mean but i really think that you should butt out of his life! Ya he broke the rules, thats what kids do but you wouldn't know because you are to stuck up. That is your brother stop ratting him out! You should feel bad, if you just would have let him have the account and not told anyone he would be happy. Just because you stoped him from having a myspace cause he was swearing does not stop him and his friends from acting like that.

Answer 7

Its hard being a theolder sibling and with that comes great responsiblity, one of many is looking out for your longer siblings. And sweety, sometimes that means you'll fell bad, but in the long run he WILL THANK YOU. Trust me, I know. I am the oldest out of 3 girls, try that for size. So everything I did they wanted to do to, everthing. When i was 13 my mom was told she was being put on a heart and long transplant list. My mom wasn't always there for me. I took over the place where my sisters really needed my mom, and really helped my dad out a lot. I'm 20 know, and let me tell you my sisters love me even more t=now then then. ITS CALLED TOUGH LOVE. And its hard for both party's.

Keep your head up. They'll be sun again!!!

Answer 8

Yes, you did do the right thing and you should'nt feel guilty at all. It was only to keep your brother safe, and out of trouble, so you did the right thing. Although he may be mad at you, it's really for the better. Don't feel bad. Just talk to him and let him know the dangers of myspace and let him know that you are sorry, but it was really for the better.

Dont worry about it.

Answer 9

Well Nah! I don't like the choice you did. Yes everyone has a myspace well most ppl... If his having fun and not doing things his not supposed to then go ahead just don't bring it at home nor in family. An i think its just retarted to punish him for something everyone has and his not in da street his at home or in a building using it so how bad can it be just dont have pron or something like it but yeah i think he should have one and u should have one 2 it turns out i hated it but it fun after all anyways its cool now its gonna be old soon so his gonna moved on trust me

Answer 10

I would not feel too bad. With the way the internet is nowadays kids still need some protection. Your brother could have inadvertently provided some info that linked to him in the real world and who knows what could have happened. Your parents on the other hand need to either take his damned computer or monitor him while he is on it... Installing a secure password protection system so he can't use it to do whatever he pleases.