tell me a joke that would make me pee my pants..?

Answer 1

A nun got in a cab and noticed the driver kept staring at her,she said "My dear can i help you" the driver replies to her,"I'm sorry it's just that ever since i was young I've wanted to make out with a nun." The nun says,"Well you have to be unmarried and you have to be a christian" The driver says " Well miss I'm unmarried and i 'm a christian as well." so then the nun ordered the driver to pull in the next alley. He did as she said and the nun made his dream come true. After that the nun noticed that the man was crying when she asked what's wrong he replied,"I have a confession to make" the nun asked what, he replied "I'm actually married and I'm Jewish." The nun replied, "That's OK my name is Kevin and I'm going to a costume party."

Answer 2

Before retiring, a lion tamer conducts an interview for his replacement. 3 people show up. A
petite young woman, a muscle bound man and a clown. The girl goes 1st. Cracking the whip, she
leads the lion through a dazzling display of leaps and bounds.
No one stops her when she peals off her leotard, lays down and cracks the whip.
Strolling over, the lion goes down on her.
5 slurping, moaning minutes pass. Then 10. Transfixed by the girl's wild antics, none of the
guys move a muscle. Just when they think they can't take anymore, she cracks the whip and the
lion goes off into a corner and falls asleep.
"Wow, says the lion tamer, "How do you top an act like that!"
Tweaking his red nose, the clown jumps to his feet, and exclaims,
"You get that lion out of there, and I'll show you!"

Answer 3

Dirty Joke Alert...



This guy goes into a strip bar and asks the bartender which of the girls are "available". He points to Liz, Starr and Judy, and they come over an each takes a stool.
The guy says, "Ok, you look good, but I really like e'm loose."
Liz says, "I'm so loose you could fist me"
Starr says, " I'm so loose you can DOUBLE fist me."
Judy says, "Well, I'm so loose that..."

and just then she slips down the barstool...

Answer 4

Why would you want to pee your pants? That's kinda kinky,
Or just plain weird!!

Answer 5

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at him and says I'm sorry, we don't serve food here! LOL

Answer 6

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 7

So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "why the long face"?

Answer 8

This middle-aged married couple had two beautiful daughters and wanted to try for a son. So, they made love until she became pregnant and nine-months later she gave birth to a son. Her husband went to the hospital to visit them and when he saw his son he said to his wife, " Oh my God, he's the ugliest kid I have ever seen!" "Did you make love to someone else to have this kid?" The wife answered: "Not this time!" :-)

Answer 9

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 10

What is the difference in a magician and a chorus line?

A magician is full of cunning stunts.

A chorus line is full of stunning *****