We love each other dearly, however he has a lot of baggage from his divorce. Financial trouble, shared custody of a daughter from previous marriage. I have a God given need to feel financially and emotionally secure -- which is not happening!! I love him so much I am willing to wait until things get better, but he want to get married within a year (before he gets older - he is still young)
I am miserable at the tought of loosing him. I want him for me but not so soon.
2006-08-14 16:48:13 · 22 answers · asked by Missy 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
We're both commited Christians. Not sexually involved.
2006-08-14 17:18:51 · update #1
I am an independent woman working to better myself in the academic and spiritual areas. He is a hardworker as well and going to graduate school.
2006-08-14 17:21:33 · update #2
May I give you a really, really good piece of advice? This is coming from a woman with two divorces to her name.
Don't marry when you have doubts like this. You will live to regret it. Trust your instincts. You have no idea how much trouble is ahead if you jump into this situation the way it is right now.
If God wants this relationship to work, He will work it out in His timing...but with the doubts you have, don't make any permanent decisions. Pray and wait on the Lord.
2006-08-14 16:58:36 · answer #1 · answered by christian_lady_2001 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Get him into a financial planning course or debt management class.... maybe he could re-fiance or get a part time job for several months and pay up some bills.
As long as he is being a good father to his child and isn't running after his ex there's not much else he can change... if his heart is broken over the failed marriage then he shouldn't of gotten into another relationship until he was emotionally stable and financially stable.... since that wasn't the case you and him have to deal with the issues first --- get the financial situation in hand and go from there... there's no rush to marry.... make sure both of you want the same thing and have shared goals..... you and him need to communicate clearly with each other....
2006-08-14 17:00:44 · answer #2 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a heavy question to answer in such a short space... but I'm assuming by your question you are also a Christian who is seeking to do the right thing.
There are several principles at play. 1. Is he committed to Christ as you are? If not, you are going to have incredible problems based on the very foundation of your life: Your soul is driven by Christ, his is not. If he is a Christian, then you definitely need to be in pre-marital counseling together with a Christian pastor.
2. If your relationship is impure then you are out of God's will. The bible says fornication is a sin, and it also says it is better to marry than to burn in lust. If you are "burning," then you should not put off marriage for financial reasons -- you should either get married asap or call it quits.
3. You have the right to seek what you wish out of a relationship. While you will have to learn to depend on God solely for your financial and emotional security, having a husband who doesn't provide these things (or worse, takes away these things) is not something you're required to do, love or no love.
I will say a prayer for you. I pray God gives you wisdom in this. Something I've always shared with my friends is the need to continually put God first. Is He your source? Your love? Your everything? If you are putting too much in this man, you'll be let down simply because he's human and will make mistakes. So before you can have stability in your marriage, you must be fully reliant on God.
Please remember as a Christian, divorce is not an option (I'm not talking about his past, I'm talking about your future). If you aren't sure, don't go through with it, and if you do go through with it, you move heaven and earth to make it work. You can no more leave him than you can divorce your mother and father. I highly recommend something weird at this point: a fictional novel called "A Time to Dance" by Karen Kingsbury. It puts marriage in perspective. Do not take this lightly.
I hope this has helped. God bless you.
2006-08-14 16:52:36 · answer #3 · answered by ©2007 answers by missy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow I'd have to go with that's a tough spot!
Advice? You're a Christian, so I have no problem recommending going to some Christian counseling at a local church--your church if you have one. And he should go to.
Financial security? That's good, but the Christian answer says not to worry about that becase your Father will see to your care. Sure, you are to work. Need help? Again, get a local Christian counselor to go see. Your church should set you up easily.
Emotional security? That's a good need to... guess what the answer is to that one... yep! local Christian Counseling!
It sounds to me like you need help, counsel, and advice--and not the kind that you can get by the internet but the kind you can get in person.
2006-08-14 16:54:59 · answer #4 · answered by Paul McDonald 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he truly loves you, he will wait until you are ready. If you can't stand you life without him, let him know you feelings, which I am sure you have. If people were to wait until finances were in line, nobody would ever be married. Marriage is a relationship of compromise, both parties must give and take.
2006-08-14 18:11:12 · answer #5 · answered by Eric P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The very hard answer is that you cannot marry him at all according to the bible.
He may be divorced from his wife by secular law, but the bible states more than once that a divorced person cannot remarry.
I am sorry and I am sure this hurts a great deal, but God would not give us this as his will for us if it werent for our own good, even when we cannot see what that good may be.
2006-08-14 17:41:40 · answer #6 · answered by cindy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you said ex boyfriend. His having shared custody shouldn't be a reason, because if you love him, you will love her. yes, finacially secure is great, still it all depends on what you consider secure. If he is working and doing his best, you could also get a job and help if you love him. My one is more important to me than money. Money makes things a lil easier and more comfortable, but it doesn't buy happiness. Talk and compromise, if you love him. Ultimatums aren't ever good to give someone. be happy, at least he loves you and wants to marry you.
2006-08-14 17:11:51 · answer #7 · answered by nativeamericantay 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
love is fickle... logic is dependable...
why not wait for a better choice?...
he seems to change his heart to much from his present circumstance anyway, a divorce with a child... a bad financial situation... wanting to force you into his problems... but you are in love... that only happens once right? whatever, wait for the next one... its a numbers game... love hap pends all the time... why waste a chance with a better guy on this one...
2006-08-14 17:01:29 · answer #8 · answered by Jesters Deadd 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to figure out what it is you want. To be financially and emotionally secure? Or to handle him and all of his baggage? For the rest of your life.... People don't change.
2006-08-14 16:56:04 · answer #9 · answered by Annie R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am not answering your question, except to say, "I don't know."
I am responding to this somewhat horrific statement: "I have a God given need to feel financially and emotionally secure."
You are a Christian, you say? God does not give anyone the "need" for financial security. Have you taken a look at Christ's life at all? Have you heard what Christ has said at all? Christ himself has said that if you want to follow him, you must give up everything.
If in Christianity we are to seek to emulate Christ, we are most certainly not to seek financial security.
As for emotional security...only God knows what that means.
One is secure in God's love and God's protection. Jesus promises--doesn't hint, he promises--that if you seek first the kingdom, everything you need will be provided.
Seek first the kingdom, then.
2006-08-14 17:30:01 · answer #10 · answered by Gestalt 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋