2006-08-14 16:44:04 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"
2006-08-14 16:50:01 · answer #1 · answered by Dark Angel 4 · 6⤊ 1⤋
While walking along the beach this man finds an old bottle. He gives it a rub to clean it up and sure enough out pops the genie. "Master " says the genie " i can grant you one wish, whatever you desire will be yours.
The man pulls out a map of the Middle East and asks the genie if he can bring peace to this part of the world.
The genie goes pale, and says, “Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, the very fiber of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen.”
“OK”, says the man, “tomorrow morning I want my wife to wake me up with the best bl*w job I’ve ever had, on her own, without me begging and pleading. Because SHE LIKES IT, because SHE WANTS TO, because IT TURNS HER ON!”
The genie shakes his head and says, “Let's see the map again.”
2006-08-15 00:37:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order was given Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall." He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"
2006-08-15 00:42:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why do owls not make love in the rain?
Because it's towettowoo.
2006-08-15 09:04:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "why the long face"?
2006-08-15 01:00:28 · answer #5 · answered by Kevin H 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes i have but i only share them with other big hoots
2006-08-15 18:10:57 · answer #6 · answered by Flash Gordon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
daz man
2006-08-15 08:03:09 · answer #7 · answered by Joanne A 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what's black and white and red all over....
newspaper
or
sunburnt penguin/zebra
2006-08-14 23:52:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋