Is it rude to RSVP for a party then not show up?

Question

I got no calls, emails, nothing...several people RSVPed for a big party I was having and they never showed! I bought a ton of food and a keg of beer. Now we have SO much left over. I feel like it was bad etiquette on their part. What do you think?

Answer 1

yes definitely! Because you prepared for X amount of people but not all of them showed up. It wasted your money and most importantly, it wasted your time. If they were not going to attend your party, they could have easiy and nicely said, I am sorry, but I cannot make it. It's not that hard.

Answer 2

It depends on what kind of RSVP. If it was a formal note, then perhaps it would be considered rude. RVSPs can really matter at weddings and social gatherings where the dinner plate is $100 - $300 per head.

Informal gathers like one held at a house are more lax. Was it an actual celebration of a birthday, bar mitzvah, anniversary, or significant event? If not, sometimes people won't take it as seriously or busy schedules will cause them to break their engagement.

I come from a Filipino Family and they always have tons of food. You'd think they were feeding an army. Then when there's lots of left overs, they give it to the guests that did attend.

It is rude to some degree, but that's where planning comes into play. The reliability of whom is going to show up and eat is the same type of calculations that have to be done when it comes to manufactured products.

If there's a surplus and not enough pull for buying products, companies can lose millions of dollars because they didn't anticipate the need being less than what was expected. The extra food and leftovers you have would be th equivalent of unsold merchandise.

Companies recuperate their losses by slashing prices. In your case, your options are either to throw the food away or give it away to neighbors.

If you're going to throw a party or get together and it's informal, you can get away with basics and if there's a shortage, you can always go for a store run. You want to stay away from perishable food items or choose foods that can be easily converted into food that you turn into various dishes for consumption.

I'm sorry to that you had to go through that. However, it sounds like it was educational and you'll be better prepared the next time you choose to throw a party.

Answer 3

It is absolutely rude.

First of all, everyone should have responded either yes or no. Secondly, those who responded that they would be in attendance should have called you if something unavoidable came up at the last minute.

I am not a stickler for details when it comes to etiquette; I could care less if someone holds my chair when I sit down, or which fork someone uses at a fancy dinner. But I do not understand the complete ignorance of the RSVP request. Don't people understand that hosting a party involves cost, and that you have to plan for a reasonable number of people, and that the only way to plan reasonably is for people to answer? Ugggg! It just drives me crazy.

I am so sorry you have all that stuff left over. I know it's frustrating, as I have been in the same boat. Turn the sprinkler on in your yard, and let all the little kids in the neighborhood come over and eat your food and have a party. At least you'll get some satisfaction knowing that someone who really appreciates it is eating it.

Answer 4

Some people seem to think that it's not cool to respond to RSVPs, but you have just explained one of the big reasons why it is so important. A hostess needs to know how many people to prepare food for, and how much liquor to buy. When people aren't considerate enough to let her know, it means either guessing that everyone will come and ending up with tons of leftovers (which is both expensive and frustrating) or guessing that only a few will come and having minimal supplies, and having people who didn't RSVP turn up expecting to be wined and dined.
It's a no-win situation for the hostess in either event, and not only bad etiquette but flat out rudeness on the part of the people you invited.
As some of your guests had replied to your invitation, the least they could have done was let you know something had come up or there was a change of plans. Thumbs down on them!!!

Answer 5

Yes, it is extremely bad etiquette to RSVP for a party and then not go. There is an exception if the host is called and told what is going to be preventing the guest from arriving (such as a death in the family, a birth, out of town guests arriving unexpectedly...the usual polite stuff).but outside of that, these people should, in all decency, let you know they weren't able to come. I've been in similar situations and have been faced with friends that have said they'd come and then didn't. I have to admit that sometimes I wasn't very polite when faced with their excuses. I understand, my dear Lady. The beer's a bust but you can freeze some of the food for later...just remember to label it and put it where you can find it. My condolences.

Answer 6

Totally.
That really s u c k s. Don't invite them over next time. Although you should always give them the benefit of a doubt.
Maybe something came up like an emergency at the last minute and they couldn't get in touch with you?
Either way it's a bad reflection on their part, especially since you, being the host took the trouble to hold the party & everything. Have them pay a penalty fee for NOT showing up, maybe?

Answer 7

VERY VERY bad manners! Obviously they weren't taught etiquette by their parents. I'd be a little ticked off if I were you.

I was WAY ticked off a few months ago when 10 of the people who RSVP'd for an anniversary party didn't show up ... and I paid $40 a plate for them to be there, because they SAID they would. Two of them called the day of, and have real reason why they couldn't make it. Hey, stuff happens and it's totally understandable.But the other 8, well, you can be darn sure they won't be getting any more invitations to anything from me!

Answer 8

Depends what their reason is. Normally, yes it's rude. It means you're definitely going to be there barring serious emergencies or extenuating circumstances outside of your realm of control. So if they have no good "excuse" then yes, they are rude. If a tree fell on their car and they couldn't make it, then no. If three armed guerrilla fighters came over the border and infiltrated their basement and they had to go into the panic room and they would have made it but the generation to reopen the panic room door didn't have enough juice so they were stuck there, but then the police and firefighters were finally able to open it and there was still time to get to your party and they said "WE GOTTA GO WE RSVP'D!!! WE DON'T WANT TO APPEAR RUDE. I HOPE WE DON'T MISS THE PARTY AND THEN SHE GOES ON YAHOO ANSWERS TO ASK IF WE'VE BEEN RUDE!!!!" So then these same people rush on over to your house, but three streets away they get into a major car accident. But they are fine, but the car is ruined. So they rush down the street sprinting to get there before everyone leaves and they are permanently labeled as "rude" and never get another party invite as long as they live when lightning strikes the tree in front of them and blocks their way. So they have to climb over it but it is too big. So there are four of them in the group on the way to your party. So they get on each other's shoulders (this is a large tree, a redwood) and finally the top person is able to get over. So the three yell to the fourth on top "TELL THEM AT THE PARTY WHY WE RSVP'D BUT COULDNT MAKE IT AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, WE WILL NOT BE PERMANENTLY BRANDED AS RUDE". So then the fourth in the group, she goes to jump down on the other side but it's so high she breaks both of her ankles. So she's crawling down the street and she can see your house as she is using her arms to pull herself along the pavement since she can't walk. Her white dress is now red with blood. She is almost there and then everyone drives off from the party as it has ended. You are on the front porch waving goodbye to everyone wondering where your idiot RSVP guests who didn't show up are. She is about to yell to you to explain the predicament, but you are so upset that you throw fine a big rock on your porch and throw it out into your yard because you are so angry. Then, you hit the girl in the red dress and kill her. And the other three RSVP-ers didn't call you because they assumed the girl in the red dress told you all about it and finished the keg of beer with you. And she couldn't call because she didn't survive.

So if that was the reason for their absence from your party, I DOUBT that we could call them "rude"

Do you agree???????????????

Answer 9

I am sorry and I agree. Why RSVP? Very bad etiquette. Shame you can't do a paper plate for each, cover with plastic wrap and leave it at their door. Nothing said but a note - thanks for the RSVP - here's your food. HA!
Makes you want to do something like that now doesn't it?

Take extra food to local soup kitchens. They can always use it to feed the homeless. That might even make you feel better.

Answer 10

YES. It is REALLY rude to do that. I have the exact same problem with my friends too. It infuriates me. I was brought up to know that when you receive an invitation you RSVP within a couple days of getting the invite. Not not at all, or say yes and not show up.

I'm sorry it happened to you, but I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

My advice, next time use the service at evite.com. With it, you can see who has viewed the invitation, who's RSVP'd, who hasn't, and you will see who shows up without RSVPing!

Answer 11

Yes, it was. If something unavoidable came up they should at least have given you a call to let you know.

Now for some unasked for advice. If you're trying to figure out what to do with all the food a local soup kitchen would probably be glad to take it. Call ahead first and make sure so you don't make a wasted trip.