Age gap between partners?

Question

I have a dilemma,

I'm in love with someone who is 36 years older than I am. He's divorced some time ago lives on his own and has a family that is independant.

My family does not approve and to be honest I never thought it could happen to me as I acknowledge it's something that is not culturally the norm. (For the record we have not had sexual realtions, I am a strict Catholic, and yes I'm a virgin)

I love and respect my family and I really do not wish to choose between one or the other.

Finding someone who accepts me and is just like me in many ways has been the greatest blessing. Not to mention finding someone who loves me as much as I love them.

Although I'm struggling with the whole age gap issue. Is it right to love someone so much older? Should I follow my heart or maintain my committment to my family and 8 younger siblings?

Thank you

EDIT: I value commitment and companionship more than money and sexual relations.
I think to say otherwise would be shallow and I'd be depriving myself of a truely fulfilling relationship.

BTW: he has his own place, almost paid off and is working full time. He's a fire fighter, volunteers for the state emergency service and is a parking secuirty guard.

Forgot to add, I'm 21.

Answer 1

WHAT !!
I thought I was bad with 15 years gap,
dontdontdont do it
unless hes stinking rich
good luck

Answer 2

Love doesn't see age. Love sees people.
If you feel that strongly, then I would personally go for it - the age gap does introduce it's own issues, but if you love each other enough, I'm sure you can overcome them.
The only thing that I would be worried about is the size of the age gap in this case - if he's 36 years older, then you have to consider mortality, and how your emotions are going to be affected. I know it's not a nice thing to say, but unless you're under 18, he's already over 55, and you will have to face the very real fact that you would be faced with coping with him passing on a long time before you.
That rather grim fact aside (sorry), nobody can tell you what to do, and your family will have to accept that it's your decision whichever way you choose.
But as I said, I would personally run with it - it's hard enough finding the right person, without excluding people purely for their age. I hope that whichever direction you choose makes YOU happy.

Answer 3

That makes him 57 just a few years my Junior, Yes if I was a member of your family I would be worried as well.
My grandchildren are approaching your age and yes I would worry about them going with someone close to my age.
The problem is not one of us can tell you what your heart must feel. you are the only one that could possibly know what you want and feel.
The age difference might have a few problems later when you find your interests are so different, and distrust creeps in.
I can only wish you all the best, I will love to know how you get on.
e me at [e-mail] I will reply and I am never judgemental
"Daddy Dave"

Answer 4

That's a big age gap. It's hard but I think you need to be yourself for a while. It's sounds like you have this commitment to your large family. Instead of going into another commitment, go off on your own and discover yourself. Figure out things on your own with your own thoughts. Travel and meet people. It's wrong to have to choose between your family. He sounds manipulative and controlling as you write that sentence. Do your heart a favor, guard it.

Answer 5

Love does have no age limit, but age can add complications.
If you want children?
Marraige and commitment, he is previously divorced, not religous myself, but may affect a strict catholic?
Try your best not to confuse love with a valued deep friendship.

"Finding someone who accepts me and is just like me in many ways has been the greatest blessing. Not to mention finding someone who loves me as much as I love them"

Last thing is. remember you are 21, your life is still only beginning
and there is a lot of acceptance and love available if you open yourself out to it.

Answer 6

just keep in mind when u re 35 and gorgeous looking lady with perfect body and university degree and grown up kids your 36 years older hubby is a very very old man, probably an impotent by that time ( i think he would be about 71?). and when u re 45 years old old woman nobody needs anymore (cos men prefer young chiks) he is already dead. and u re alone and old and ugly (cos u re old) and tired. so before strat commiting to much older guy think of that. don't live in the current moment when u re choosing a life partner.

Answer 7

Whatever you decide it must feel right for you and not because of pressure from your family or some of the remarks made on this site. This is your life you only have one go at it so make it a happy life. Good luck and i wish you well

Answer 8

HELLO GIRLFRIEND! Stop, look and listen.
When I started dating this guy 20 years my senior, I did not know I'd be in that situation. But in the beginning I thought it was love and acceptance. But then I realised that I was kidding myself. It was the only thing I ever did that I regret (I don't usually regret stuff, usually wise)!
BUT....and I say this with a loud but......if he is strikingly rich with a flexible hand and you are very very very very poor with no ideas of making money on your own, then of course even marry him.

Answer 9

the only people you have to worry about is you and him your family should love you no matter what but your 21 do you want kids and if so how do think your child might feel when he does have a dad to play ball with are talk about girls and such.you really have to do some soul searching good luck in what you choose.

Answer 10

i'm 20, and i'm with a man who's 12 years older, he treats me like a real lady, it not about the money, the age gap only comes in when i do his housework and he surprised he says i should be out clubbing with my mates, and that but i love him and am happy that he loves me for who i am, so don't worry about ur family, if they love u they will eventually respect ur wishes and im sure that given the chance to get to know him, they will warm to him

Answer 11

Well how old are you?? If you're over 18 you're legal and you could basically do whatever you want. You two are both grown. If you're in love with this man I think you should follow you heart. Try to convince your family that you're madly in love and maybe they'll approve when they see how happy you are.