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i'm 14. My mom lives in VA, my dad in MD. My dad has primary custody. I see my mom every other weekend. My dad is always leaving me out of decisions like what high school i wanted to go to (he chose private school and i wanted to go to public because i grew up in public school with all my friends), if i wanted braces or not (i didnt want them and i hate them and ive had them for almost 4 years), and he leaves me home alone all the time and i hate it. he leaves without telling me he's leaving.

what can i do, as a fourteen year old, to move with my mom?

my mom is amazing. she helps me with homework, lets me be ME. she lets me choose what we do together, and she is fun, but she does her mom duties too. i'd rather be living somewhere i am comfortable and happy rather than sad, lonely, ignored and bored

2006-08-14 14:40:42 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Family

29 answers

write a letter to the judge. If you dont know who the judge was, just pick a childrens judge at the local court and address it to them (you may have to call the courthouse to find out the name and address you are writing to) Write the letter like, Your Honor, I am writing for advice and include everything you think. Leave you address and phone number too.

2006-08-14 14:47:04 · answer #1 · answered by whirlwind_123 4 · 0 1

Tell your Dad how you feel about being home alone etc. As far as the braces you will thank him later when you have great teeth and all the guys go for you. But being left home alone alot is not right either. He sounds like he wants the best for you, private school , means good education. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Give your Dad a chance and talk with him first. He is supposed to make decisions thats what parents do and little by little you get to make them when he sees that you will make good ones for yourself. Running away from problems doesn't solve them. Your Dad must have custody for a reason. On the other hand, at 14 you can chose to go to the other parent. Talk with the guidance counselor at your school if you can't get your Dad to talk with you alone. The counselor can request that he come in and talk with him and perhaps with you too. Don't make quick decisions you may regret later. It sounds to me like your Dad loves you, but men have a hard time when their daughters start to grow up. Good Luck!!!!

2006-08-14 14:51:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Man, I have totally been there, and as much as it sucks with your dad, it will suck with your mom. It will eventually suck when you move in with your best friend, and you will end up hating each other. Someday, you will get married, and you will be hate living with your spouse sometimes too.
I lived with my dad and wanted to live with my mom. The grass is always greener. Do you think your dad likes making the hard decisions on your behalf? He'd be a really lousy dad if he let you run around with crooked teeth and no education, but was friends with you. He worked hard to put you in private school so that you could have the best. Maybe he's not hanging around because he thinks you're mad at him about all of this stuff.
You're probably old enough to tell a judge that you want to live with your mom. That is a grown up decision, and it is pretty childish to make it without thinking of how you will be hurting your dad. I don't mean to sound like I am taking his side, but I was you 15 years ago, and I feel SO bad for hurting my dad for simply trying to make me in to a nice young lady. You sound like you are fortunate that your dad trusts you at home alone. If you said he was verbally abusive to you or outright neglectful, that's one thing, but it sounds like he's trying his best to help you turn out well.
See if you can work on a relationship with Dad first, he loves you and wants what's best for you...someday you will thank him. Too many parents are not firm with their kids, and it is turning out generations of bums. The closer the two of you are, the more he will value your judgement, and the more he will let you do/decide. But remember, until you move out and pay your own bills, he owns the air you breathe.

2006-08-14 15:01:06 · answer #3 · answered by mightyart 2 · 0 0

In most courts at 14 you are able to decide. As a mom my advice is to sit down with your dad and tell him you are not happy and you want to live with your mom. Talk to your mom and tell her the same thing. You also have to remember that although your mom is fun you are only with her 4 days a month so there isn't a lot of stress there and it might be different when you are with her all the time. She will go out and date have a life of her own as well. You need to discuss this with both of them though for they might have reasons for you being with your dad. As far as the decisions your dad made he did what was best for you so don't be to hard on him.

2006-08-14 14:52:01 · answer #4 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0 0

I don't know the laws in MD, but in many States at the age of 14 you can choose which parent you want to live with. Tell your Mom and Dad, that you want to live with your Mom now, and that you would like them to arrange that. As long as your Mom is not abuse or an alcoholic or drug addict, the courts will allow it. It's a simple process if they both agree to it without arguing about it.

2006-08-14 15:31:22 · answer #5 · answered by arvecar 4 · 0 0

Your dad is looking out for your best interest. Your mom only gets to see you on a very limited basis, so I'm sure that if you lived with her there might be decisions she'd leave you out of also in order to look out for your best interests also. Talk to your dad about being left home alone and see what other alternatives you could come up with. Show him that you're mature enough to make some decisions for yourself and he may let you in on some of the bigger decisions that parent usually make. Good luck.

PS. You'll be thankful for the braces as an adult (you'll have beautiful teeth and you won't have to pay for it). (I know this one firsthand)

2006-08-14 15:49:53 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly K 3 · 0 0

talk to both of your parents, tell them what you are feeling. Most of all remember,
"The Grass is always greener on the other side".
We a going through this right now with my fourteen year old step son. He wants to live with his mom. right now he sees her every other weekend. When she does have him see buys him all kinds of exspensive clothes and videio games. We are going to let him go live with her but I think he will find out soon enough that once he is there full time, the shopping sprees will end. So think about your situaton very hard. Maybe your dad is trying to do whats best for you, giving you what you need. Trust me, you will thank him for the things he did for you. maybe not right now, but in the future.

2006-08-14 15:01:12 · answer #7 · answered by ferret fan 2 · 1 0

tell that to a judge or speak to your mom about it so that she can help you to move in together with your mom. I say you can talk to her about it and is she feels the same way about you you guys can manage to get something going. Custody is a hard responsability to live someone with but what matters the most at the end is that the child is happy and safe so i say you are most likely to go and live with your mother because your father just seems kind of irresponsible you know it is illegal to leave children under the age of 18 unsupervised home alone?. YUp. thats right dont be afraid and stand up for your rights girl!. MUch love and peace out!

2006-08-14 14:48:48 · answer #8 · answered by Dr. Truth 3 · 0 1

one thing you can do is tell your dad how you feel and tell him you want to stay with your mom. then if that dont work, you can look in the phone book and call a lawyer and get advice from them of what you can do legally. also tell your mom how you feel too, but first off, how did your dad get primary custody, because when my parrents divorced my mom got custody because my father wasnt fit to have us children. there has to be some reason your dad got custody and not your mom. being with your mom depends alot on the reason your dad has you right now.

2006-08-14 14:47:29 · answer #9 · answered by hi 1 · 1 0

Have you had a REAL TALK with your dad. Not yelling and screaming just talk. Or what always worked for me....write a letter. It lets you get out everything just right and taking your time and its keep from yelling. (this will apply as you get older much older and married). I am not a counselor or anything but, maybe you should request to see one. Most insurances will cover mental health (doesnt mean your nuts) counseling . That person can help you make good decisions on approaching how you feel.

2006-08-14 14:49:03 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle 2 · 0 1

Tell your dad that at this age you really need a mom in your life more often. Maybe he will understand and agree to let you live with her. if not, talk to your mom about it and she can talk to a lawyer about making the change. Best of luck

2006-08-14 14:49:50 · answer #11 · answered by sea_sher 5 · 0 0

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