2006-08-14 14:29:11 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
If you are a casual friend, just attending a viewing, and passing the child, give the child a smile, crouch to eye level, and quietly tell the child something wonderful that only you knew about Mom. No one else has to hear. You're not there to make everyone think, "how nice." In fact, if anyone else hears, the child knows why you are doing this. Anger. Ten is smart.
If you are someone who will be there day in and day out (or at least one day a week) for the month after her death, first, he or she must understand that it was not his/her fault.
Many children under the age of 12 or 13 will blame themselves, as they may still have an egocentric view...they are the cause/reason for things. This must absolutely be done.
Also, public libraries have a series of books and tapes on the subject. Contact your local public librarian for assistance.
If possible, if there will be a service or funeral, discuss with the child the purpose of public rituals. Focus on the comfort aspect, and that saying goodbye is a must in life. Without goodbye, there is no hello.
Ask the child to discuss the death of Mom. If there is no response, give the child some time. You may be surprised at the child's resilience. Many will sleep. Sleep wherever they sit. Often. Permit this, unless it does not get better.
The child shouldn't spend too much time alone, but should have a quiet place in the crowd. Maybe at home, if many people are stopping by, a soft chair or recliner can be put way in the back of a room. Tell this child they can go there if they need to.
When this child goes back to school, tell him/her that friends may have a tough time at first, and may not even want to talk about this, but it doesn't mean the child is weird or different. It means their friends are thinking that this could happen to THEIR Mom, and that scares them.
Sorry, I didn't look up any Websites for you, or go to any professional counseling sites. This is just what I know.
2006-08-14 14:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, lots of Love and support!!! I would say death is not bad, it is a circle of life everyone experiences but the best part is that they we do come back, like the seasons or a continuous turning wheel.
I would explain that a flower seed is planted, for example birth, then it lives full bloom, like middle age, then it lays low for a while and is dormant, like death, but then it comes back totally new such as spring buds. Tell her not worry the memory of her Mother is alive in her heart by memory and spirit. Encourage the child to not lose the good memory's or spirit with in her because her Mothers spirit lives and needs her support too so she can relive to help others in her new life.
2006-08-14 21:43:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would remind the child about how much her/his mother loved her/him, and how she would want the child to succeed in life. I would share how beautiful life is on earth, and how the mother wouldn't want her/him to miss out on anything. I think looking at photos, home videos, or scrap books (when the child is ready) would be a nice way of honoring her/his mother.
I've heard that writing a letter to the deceased is also a nice form of closure as well.
2006-08-14 21:34:57 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. Pears 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All the answers are easy said than applied in reality. It is very unfortunate for children with such loss. Only time can fill the vacuum created. However one can try shower as much love and affection to them for their emotional needs.
2006-08-14 22:25:22 · answer #4 · answered by Sam1969 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a piece of paper and rip it in half. Explain to the child that at this point the paper can still be repaired. Then repair it with tape. Rip it again. Continue to do this over and over again until the paper can no longer be repaired or until it no longer looks like a solid and whole piece of paper. Explain to this poor baby that this is what happened to mommy's body. Her body could no longer be repaired. Her body was only a cage for her soul. Now her soul is free to be in heaven and wait for him/her. It works.
2006-08-14 21:36:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
By keeping him or her company.
There's nothing you can actually say that will make a person feel better about their dead mother. What's more important is that they be able to accept the loss, and the pain that comes with it. It's often easier to do that when you have someone around who cares to keep you company.
2006-08-14 21:32:36 · answer #6 · answered by extton 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get someone else less emotionally repressed than me. Would love to help but I just can't cope with things like that - they cause me to shut down inside.
2006-08-14 21:36:56 · answer #7 · answered by monkeymanelvis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you can comfort a child against such a loss.
but you can take great car of him/her by really be present, bring him/her to theaters, sport places etc..
the only way is to go on, and move on move on move on..
because this type of loss is unbearable whatever we try to smooth it
L
2006-08-14 21:34:11 · answer #8 · answered by lorenzosupastar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen more than you speak. When you do speak, do so from the heart, don't use empty words. Allow him/her to grieve, this will take time. Many blessings upon your efforts...
2006-08-14 21:40:35 · answer #9 · answered by On The Path 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for him and love him. Lord knows he needs it now more than ever.
2006-08-14 21:33:36 · answer #10 · answered by timjim 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋