I drove by graveyards...and i couldnt take my eyes off them...and I had to make myself not laugh...because I saw them as relief for me....and it seemed to me they are the door to peace.....and I asked myself....why do I want to stay ? and for who ? These feelings seem to me to be like a tide...that is drawn back and forth by an evil moon.....I find myself thinking I am a beaten and bruised princess...that was raped and dragged away....and cant seem to get home....Im lost...and I want to go home....it is true that you love yourself...If I hated myself...I would be glad I was like this...
2006-08-14 14:10:05 · 9 answers · asked by trinity_loves_neo1 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I do agree with Mark that if you hated yourself you wouldn't want to change this. I see this as still punishing yourself for what happened. As dysfunctional and changeworthy as that is, it's also perfectly normal.
If you can make it your fault, you feel some level of control over it. The problem is that it's not true. And there is no real safety in the lie. It's not your fault. The good news is that it's safe and proper to forgive yourself. The bad news is that you can't simply "do better" and guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen again.
There is risk in life, both in living it and in refusing to live it. Your cycling back and forth is normal. Don't worry about it, just keep going. If you've stopped seeing your counselor, find yourself another one you feel safe with. Maybe it would be best to see a woman counselor for a while. One who is married and maybe a little motherly.
You need to find some peace with yourself. You need to learn to trust yourself again. Then you can work toward trusting others.
Maybe the graveyards make you laugh because you are uncomfortable with them. Maybe you know on some level that you have been like a graveyard, but you have been buried alive. You need to fight to come up out of that grave. It's not as safe as you thought it was. You can't live in a grave. Be brave enough to leave it.
Part of your healing will be figuring out something to stay for. Some purpose. Some meaning. It's there to be found, and it's worth the work.
You're worth it.
2006-08-15 18:33:37 · answer #1 · answered by Contemplative Chanteuse IDK TIRH 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I've always enjoyed graveyards. I see them as places of celebration. I love to think of the people who have gone before, and their lives.
The thing is this - everyone who has ever lived, everyone who is living now, and everyone who will ever live experiences joy and pain.
As difficult as it sometimes is to face, life is all about gaining experience, and that means that sometimes we have pain. That is part of living. But think of the joys! We exist so that we might have joy! If we never had pain, how would we know joy? We just have to have that opposition in our lives so we can appreciate the good things.
I know right now is a bad time, and that at times you may feel that you are surrounded by darkness, but just keep holding on to the knowledge that when the sun begins to shine through those clouds in your mind, it is going to be brilliant! How beautiful is the sunrise, after the darkest stormy night?
I really like that last person's comment about coming out of the grave to live your life. You are so beautiful and good, and you have so much living ahead of you. Life is amazing, and it is yours for the taking!
You're in my prayers.
2006-08-17 22:47:16 · answer #2 · answered by Ruth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time drive INTO the graveyard (not the grave, mind you). Just be there, where it is peaceful and silent and almost perfect. Don't drive by, esp. if it has such a profound effect on you. Time to experience what you are afraid of laughing at. Hahaha.
2006-08-14 21:17:14 · answer #3 · answered by Lenore 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound a bit suicidal to me....I hope you're not thinking in comitting a suicide...really, I hope you're not.
I don't know you, but it makes me sad every time I hear of someone killing themselves. I get depressed.
Jesus loves you. I suggest you start a relationship w/ Him. And, if you haven't already, ask Him to come into your heart, and then follow Him. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, I'm sure He'd be the best thing that's ever happened to you too.
God bless you.
2006-08-14 21:16:57 · answer #4 · answered by ac28 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Today was the day that I died
And not a single soul cried
I lay in the ground and the peace I have found
Has proven the dead to be wise
I know that I will not be mourned
For this very moring it dawned
Upon me that to really be free
Is to be hated and scorned
So come all you people and try
To follow me - c'mon die
You have nothing to lose except ill fitting shoes
And a suit with an ill matchning tie"
I hope you like my poem.
2006-08-14 21:22:11 · answer #5 · answered by monkeymanelvis 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Swedenborg wiped out my depression. Try reading this ebook.
http://www.mechanicsburgnewchurch.org/hh-ager.txt
2006-08-14 21:17:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
because the ones that are there are silly and like to joke around with the living - can you see them?
2006-08-14 21:18:14 · answer #7 · answered by kukkeeme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! (smile)
/
2006-08-14 21:16:24 · answer #8 · answered by Pashur 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your talent for self expression is appreciated.
2006-08-14 21:16:53 · answer #9 · answered by JFK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋