I live in a house with a very insensative father. He's mean, and cold, and always thinks yelling is the way to get his point across. If I or anyone else disagrees with him, we're wrong. He thinks he's always right. Plus, he won't acknowlege the fact that I'm an adult now. I'm in college, so I can't move away from him. I really can't talk to anyone else in my family, and I really don't have any close friends. Any serious advice?
2006-08-14 13:59:28 · 13 answers · asked by oneladyice1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sometimes you need to look inward and find solidarity within yourself. You seem to be a very astute thinker and a capable writer--try private blogging. You will probably be able to find like-minded individuals online that will lend an ear (or at least a pair of eyes). Try also spending some time alone doing things you like to do. I spend my time writing, scrapbooking, or reading at a coffee shop when I feel like no one else understands.
A lot of people your age/in college go through this; I did. I found my answers by writing and listening to music, and through those interests, I met other individuals. On one hand, you are being taught how to express yourself and to evaluate preexisting ideals critically; on the other hand, you're still in dad's house and you have to live by his rules. It's tough, but it's totally normal!
Best of luck, and if you need a friend, send me a message... I'd be happy to chat with you or email. You sound like a kind and bright person.
2006-08-14 14:04:57 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, you should learn how to meditate. Instrumental music can help you do this. You have no confident to talk to, you are being harrassed by a petty tyrant, and you are learning a lot of new things in college -- all at the same time -- so you are in a perfect situation to learn this. Spend about 10 mnutes meditating. Try to get to where you are not thinking in words, just appreciating reality. Dawn and sunset are particularly good times to do this.
Out of your meditations will come "options" that you may have in your future. None of the things you do or choices you make will make your life happier within a year, but if you never get angry and get good grades, it increases your future options. Think about that.
Your father certainly doesn't have a lot of friends. For some reason I doubt your mother does, either. So you may be under the impression that friends are "optional" or unimportant or insipid compared to love. Take time and patience and grace to develop some friends. They are a godsend by themselves, they need not possess the wisdom to solve all your problems. Friendship is an art, and if you don't master it now, you probably never will.
Incredibly, I feel sorry for your father, becuase he is stuck in a cranky world of enemies who usually win and thus enrage him. Reading a book by Robert Bly, "Iron John," may help you understand how and why he is trapped.
You're not his counselor or confident -- don't argue with him. And don't ask your mother for advice, either. You see, once upon a time, a long long time ago, she saw his budding rage as something magnetically ATTRACTIVE, so she's going to defend her own emotions rather than help you now.
2006-08-14 21:14:39 · answer #2 · answered by urbancoyote 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there is no fixing a person like this. It is good that you recognize that his behavior is wrong, so many children of men like your Father become just like him. You MUST build a life for yourself outside your home. Make it a point to make friends even if you have to choose the school mis-fit. You two may be able to comfort each other. Besides the fact that you will benefit from the support of friends you will also have a life of your own when you are able to move out of your abusive household.
2006-08-14 21:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a journal and put your feelings in that. Write to it like you would talk to a friend. It helps to get it out. (keep it well hidden)
Do start developing a friendship with someone in one of your college classes. Don't burden them at first with all your problems, just get some good conversations going after class. Eventually you will feel comfortable with them and can discuss problems and get sympathy.
2006-08-14 21:06:22 · answer #4 · answered by Ginger/Virginia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are an adult now you make your decistions ihave a father like that i got away but he got my phone # FROM MY MOM my wife stopped that you just have to listen and talk to people who care and know what you are going through if you want to talk to someone whos been ther e email me atott2001hawk@yahoo.com
2006-08-14 21:12:42 · answer #5 · answered by ken o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can you talk to your mom, aunt, grandparents or someone at school? I was brought up in a house like that, my stepdad was always right, he was mean, always yelling. (we are now good friends) I had friends though that I could talk to. good luck
2006-08-14 21:04:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anna Z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you're an adult...move. Don't use college as an excuse.
2006-08-14 21:05:18 · answer #7 · answered by yo_momma_is_sweet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a counselor/social worker at your college.
2006-08-14 21:04:49 · answer #8 · answered by expatmt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are just going to have to stick it out!
Have you tried writing him a letter.
That might help him understand where you are coming from.
2006-08-14 21:05:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should actually sit down and talk to him. i guess i have to put myself in your shoes, since my father is in jail and i've never met him... but you should sit down and tell him how you feel, and that you that no one understands you.
2006-08-14 21:04:19 · answer #10 · answered by Marisa :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋