Should i tell her?

Question

i have been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years and i recently cheated on her with somebody i dont even like. I am so ashamed of what i have done. i know if she finds out it will be over for sure but im feeling really guilty and dirty. what do you think? oh and women...dont give me a hard time!...please?

Answer 1

i feel for u i really do.
i admire ur wanting to tell ur lady.
but firstly wot good will come out of it...
will ur lady end the relationship u have or will she understand
will u feel any less dirty after u tell her or will u still be burdened with the feelings plus that of her face and tears and hard words she will reply to u after u tell her.
remember this ur relationship will change after u tell her...can u take this...all for the sake of disclosing a secret....for wot...so that u feel better..and she feels worse...
she wont ever trust u again.
i think u have learnt a lesson by all accounts of what i have read between the lines...so good for u in realising u have a wonderful woman ...and also for wanting to come clean ..even if it means losing her...
if there is no chance the other woman will inform ur lady then why put her through this ordeal...and if no witnesses were present she only has ur word against some women who could be labelled as jealous ...get my drift..
good luck in ur decision ...i hope u keep the girl of ur dreams and dont stray again...maybe even walk down the isle perhaps....
in the end u will do wot is right for u...

Answer 2

I think you should pick the right moment, and explain it just as you have done here. In fact your relationship will now be stronger because you have experienced the guilt of cheating, and are therefore unlikely to do it again. If your girlfriend is mature, and she should be after a 3 year relationship, she will initially be a bit upset, but will understand, and appreciate the fact that you told her. You'll feel better, because it will not feel like you are cheating every time you see her. You know you are going to have to tell her eventually, so may as well do it now and get it over with.

Best of luck - I'm sure it will be OK

Answer 3

I always think that you should tell. Here is why. First...you remain with whatever dignity and respect you have left. When you do something you regret or a mistake you have made...you know that all actions have consequences. So if you are inclined to rob a bank and got away with it (free and clear, no problems)...you would be MORE likely to do it again because...no consequence to your action. If you confess to your girlfriend that you have cheated your action will have a consequence...either she will dump you flat out or she will "try" to forgive and then make your life wretched. If you don't confess and by chance she finds out...you're screwed. You try to say you feel guilty and didn't mean it and you are terrible blah blah blah...it really only looks like you feel guilty because you got caught. I'm guilt-ridden by my very nature and I could never hold something like that in and look at the person that I screwed over and smile and pretend it's okay. Good luck!

Answer 4

No dont tell her "ignorance is bliss" u made a mistake live with it or get over it wats done is done but u should really think about why u cheated in the 1st place" maybe u should put ur mind to trying 2 make ur relationship more exciting rather than worrying about telling her. Just make sure u keep ur mouth shut cos if she finds out every1 knew b4 her she will make u pay big time. Good luck i hope it all works out 4 u

Answer 5

Okay so I won't give you any grief..apparently you are already feeling the guilt. There are a few things to consider though. First off, how do you think she will handle your confession? Are you ready to say good-bye and leave her alone if that's what she requests? Do you expect her to stay with you?
Second, WHY do you want to confess? Is it just so YOU can get it off YOUR chest, so YOU can feel better? If so, that is the wrong reason.
Personally I don't think you should tell her. You WILL break her heart, make her feel used, and disrespected. If you know you made a terrible mistake and will never do it again, keep your mouth shut. All that guilt and weight is your punishment for what you did to her.
If you want to tell her because she deserves to know the truth-and not whether or not you can sleep at night-then do it, be prepared to accept her reaction, and learn from that mistake.

Answer 6

i find it strange a man wants to confess..rofl...i really cant see u confessing...we women are the ones that are quick to confess our dirt when we've fucked.up....damn ur another...OOPS...sorry wont give u a hard time..ROFL..but seriously though,

obviously deep down you wanted to be with the somebody you dont even like. Ppl cheat b/c they want to..ur ashamed?..hmm..
if she found out she'd leave u...did u know when its all said and done most women forgive BUT DONT FORGET, when they've been cheated on.....so how would she find out....1.the other woman tells her 2. u gave her something 3. u confess...if none of those are possible then ur secret is safe..so y confess?what she wont know wont hurt her..right?confess..bc ur ashamed...you know what i say tell her...take responsiblity for your actions. respect her enough & be a human being & tell her. yea truth hurts, but still living a lie is just as bad...and if u confess dont blame her you know "well if u had done this, or if you blah blah blah" tell her the truth u cheated bc somewhere deep down inside of you that's what u wanted to...best of luck let me know..

Answer 7

Ummm... a tricky one!!

You say she'll finish with you if you tell her, are you sure? There's the issue of trust, will she be able to trust you again in the future? This will always be on her mind. Lots of relationships break down because of this. It depends on your relationship is it strong enough to overcome this problem?

If you want to tell her write it all down in a letter, purge yourself and if you still feel like telling her in the morning give her the letter, if not burn in and I mean BURN it, as these things have a funny way of reappearing to bite your ar*e!!

Oh and next time go home ALONE and use YOUR hands, that's what they're there for!!

Answer 8

No don't tell her, there's no point.

Assuming that you wont get found out, and you haven't caught anything nasty then you've got away with it (at least as far as she is concerned) however you are beating yourself up over it.

Ok so you have found out the grass isn't greener on the other side, you've found out you love your girlfriend, so maybe its time to commit, now you have got this fling out of the way.

The only thing to be gained by telling is to ease your conscience, well sorry my friend, but it was your mistake, you ain't the first and sure as hell wont be the last, but you must deal with it alone.

Answer 9

It happens babe, but if you value what you have dont say a thing!
It sounds like a really easy way out of the situation but i have seen a friend just recently go through exactly the same thing and he has now lost an awful lot, including his sanity, but if you feel that you should say something because it will get back to her through someone else... say to her yourself!

Answer 10

mate ive never cheated ever but i know things like drink and drugs can let them kind of things happen if it was me i would like my lass to tell me in an adult way the thing is if you cheated because you got drunk then dude if you love the lass then stop the cheating and calm the drink and tell her its the best way we all know that !
if i ant helped then try this little task sit on your own with no noise for 10 mins and then askyourself that question and the first answer you have in your mind that is what you should do thats when youll get to know what kind of man you are and how much she means to you but the very best of luck to you mate just be real with this "treat others how we would like to be treated" it woks and its so very true trust me