Relocating: Good or Bad?

Question

My fiance and I are debating on moving from the Bay Area to Ft. Collins, Colorado. We want to have a family and raise our children in a nice neighborhood...in a HOUSE (which we can't afford here). We also want me to be a stay-at-home-mom and raise our children (which we can not do here, we both have to work if we stay here which means day care for our children). My fiance is all for moving ASAP after the wedding. My only draw back is moving away from our families. I would love for our children to live near their cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents etc. Which is better? Being near family or living far away from family but having a mother raise her own children and having good schools and safe neighborhoods???

Answer 1

We had the same set up as you are facing and made the choice to move. As expected, there were a lot of things we hadn't considered.
*If you move, there will be no family to watch the kids for free for a few minutes while you run to the store, the doctor etc. This can become a big deal, especially if you are a stay-at-home mom (which I am). You don't have any daycare and must find a stranger to pay to watch your children. This can be overcome but a paid sitter may not be available or willing to sit with an ill child in the middle of the night while you take a break and run for pizza, Tylenol, and a minute of quiet.
*You will need to make new friends (try to do this BEFORE the kids, there is little time after). You will be in desperate need of adult contact and mental stimulation as a stay-at-home mom and making friends with whom you can talk, play cards or just hang with can be really challenging after you have kids.
*If things go horribly wrong (ie lay-off, eviction, serious illness, catastrophic home or car repairs) there is no one to lean on, no grandma to watch the kids for a few hours so you can deal with a major stress.

All that being said, I love our life. I love the adventure of moving, the chance to choose a better place and be at home with my kids. I am really happy with the decision we made and we take the kids to visit our family but on our terms. We get to be outside of any drama or inter-family battles, and our children are able to love each member of the family without those issues. We don't have our families' support but neither do we have their interference when it is unwelcome. Our boys love their grandparents, their aunts and their cousins and see them enough to have a relationship. They also have the joy of writing and receiving letters from loved ones. I can't tell you what to do but I really love being home with my boys and they have benefitted more from me being home than they would have being close to family but in daycare all day.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 2

I think what you are debating about is having a comfortable life versus not having the best life you could offer to your kids but staying close to the family.

If your housepayment/rent is paralyzing you from experiencing a better life, then I think it's time to move. I have a coworker who transferred within the company from CA to TX. She sold her CA house and bought a new house (paid for it 100%), made about $100,000 and now has enough money for her kids' college. She tells me she enjoys life more and is no longer worried about finances.

But you also need to remember that a) you probably won't make as much as you make in the Bay Area, and b) everything else in the other state is going to be comparable if not the same cost (food, healthcare, cars, etc).

My opinion is that all your expenses (house, food, insurance, etc.) should be about 50-60% of your income, so you can enjoy the remaining 40% or invest it in real estate, stocks or save it in the bank.

I know that this is a hard decision but you can always travel several times each year so that your kids can see family. Also, being a stay-home mom is a good decision. You wouldn't want your kids be taken care of by someone you hardly know.

Answer 3

Well it's a quagmire of decision making when it comes to leaving family for the sake of financial advancement. Sometimes it seems like the best thing to do for your family and I think (personal opinion) that it should be your primary consideration. The fact is if you stayed where you are chances are that other family members will pack up and relocate elsewhere and then you will be staring at the walls wondering why you stayed there for the sake of the family. You have a life of your own and need to focus on the future of your family unit. Your fiance is the main focus in your life at this point and you should honor his desires just as you would expect him to honor yours in the future. It's all about you and he and your future family. If you stay then he will feel stagnated and stifled and further feel that his life is totally dependent on and revolving around family issues. Take off and find your life together because the bottom line is this......Colorado isn't like going to another planet. Like you could drive there and back from the bay area in a flash. So what's the problem? Oversensitivity? Are you a softy?

Answer 4

Thats a tough one its sometimes real handy to have family nearby in case of an emergency or something as you never know what might happen!!but on the other hand there are plenty of people who relocate because of work etc and they make it cause they build a network of support from people do your homeowork first about the location , jobs , schools , resources etc before you move its a big step moving is expensive so be really sure have you thought of moving somewhere perhaps a couple of hrs away outside of the area you live in that is nice and affordable but not very far away?? Good luck with what ever you decide.

Answer 5

That's a really tough one. I had to deal with a situation like that recently and chose to stay with the family but I kind of regret it now. There's nothing like being able to be home with your children and being able to be there for them when needed. My daughter is in school and I wish I was able to pick her up, help with her homework and just spend more time with her. Since we both work our routine is wake up, get ready, drop my daughter off, go to work, rush to make dinner, and rush to get her ready for bed on time with maybe an hour to spend with her in between dinner and bedtime. My move would've only been a couple of hours away but you can always visit and I'm sure that your family would understand that it is your life. I find that we don't spend a lot of time with her cousins, aunts and uncles through out the week anyway so visiting on the weekends would've been an awesome option, it would give us something to do. And remember children make friends a lot quicker than adults do, and you could always network with moms. Believe me there a lot of things to keep you occupied through out the day. Also remember that your life is about your children now and what's best for them. If it's going to break their hearts beyond repair to move then don't but if it will be painful at first and they'll get over it go for it. A good neighborhood and schools are becoming hard to come by, do it while you have the opportunity.

Answer 6

The well means of your family is more important than being close to family. I never got entirely close to all my relatives. However, if we had not made the move, I'd never be as successful as I am today. I benefited from my parents move. We still came home to visit, and for the special holidays.

Answer 7

Well, I think that u should move so ur childern can go to good schools and live in a safe place..but it will be hard to leave ur family behinde... If you pictures and E-Mails thats always a good way to stay in touch ... and Make vists often.. Good Luck !!!!

Answer 8

Moving away from you family will be hard but you have to think of the well being of the family you will create.

Answer 9

it may be way more effective common to flow for the time of middle college because in extreme college issues are not as lax and the activities you may want to be all in favour of might want to correctly be placed on carry. Like in case you play basketball as an get at the same time, you won't be able to move colleges and proceed playing, its adversarial to extreme college activities regulations. it would want to also be more effective common to make the flow in the course of the summer season time, that way your children can get to entice close different households children formerly beginning college. this way even as it comes time for faculty to start up they do no longer have the stress of beginning new without understanding every person. wish this helps!

Answer 10

This is a good question. I personally put my family first, right after God. matter of fact, there is a good place to start. Pray to God for help and let Him guide you both. Family is always a good thing if your family is close.
I pray that God Guides you in your decision.