Witty Church Signs ♥?

Question

Church Signs
These are real signs outside of churches.

“The most powerful position is on your knees.”
“Jesus loves you (as long as you’re not gay).”
“The tongue is in a wet place and slips easily.”
“A loose tongue often gets into a tight place.”
“Stop drop and roll won’t work in hell.”
“Don’t let worries kill you, let the church help.”
“Church parking only violators will be baptized.”
“Sacred cows make the best hamburger.”
“Thanks be unto god for his unspeakable gift.”
“Church, why bother?”
“Staying in bed shouting ‘oh god’ does not constitute going to church.”
“Satan—the fat lady is about to sing.”
“Jesus was a liberal.”
“Tsunami – Aids war, do you hear me now? - God!”
“Git – R- Done fer God.”
“God is shitting something good.”
“If you think it’s hot here, imagine Hell.”
“God is like Coca-Cola, he’s the real thing.”
“Reason is the greatest enemy faith has.”
“Two great truths, 1. There is a god 2. You are not him.”
“Wrestling with god.”
“Worry: A dark room where negatives develop.”
“Service 9:30 & 11:00. Jesus – Loved a great party.”
“Sign broke, message inside.”
“God will accept broken hearts, but he must have all the pieces.”
“Tired of being a loser? Turn to god.”
“Santa Clause never died for anyone.”
“We use duct tape to fix everything, god used nails.”
“Life ain’t no dress rehearsal.”
“To prevent SINburn use SONscreen.”
“Prays for a good harvest but continues to hoe.”
“Going farther with Christ.”
“Worship 11AM & 6PM, Its hard to stumble when you’re down on your knees.”
“A 4 inch tongue can bring a 6 foot man to his knees.”
“What can you do with your tongue?”
“Are you crunk for Jesus?”
“In your right hand there are pleasures forever.”
“God’s favorite word is come.”
“All things done in God’s name are great things.”
“God expects spiritual fruit no religious nuts.”
“Easter is more than something to DYE for.”
“True Submission.”
“Give Satan an inch and he’ll become a ruler.”
“The church is a gift of god, some assembly required.”
“God loves you and he approved this message.”
“Jesus loves you, Bush doesn’t.”
“Satan subtracts and divides, god multiplies and multiplies.”
“No one is beyond the reach of God, closed Sunday.”
“God does not believe in Atheists therefore Atheists do not exist.”
“Wal-Mart is not the only saving place.”
“Don’t be so open minded, your brains fall out.”
“Can you hear me now? How ‘bout now?...God!”
“Thinking about coming? Start Now! Please!”
“God answers knee mail.”
“You were planned for God’s pleasure.”
“Little is much if God is in it.”
“Ain’t no party like a Holy Ghost party, cause a Holy Ghost party don’t stop.”
“Warning: Exposure to the SON may prevent Burning.”
“Behold, I come quickly.”
“Welcome our new Senior Pastor Dick Wisdom Assoc Patty Anderson.”
“God is like Allstate, you’re in good hands with him.”
“Sow the seed of love and watch god harvest.”
“The wages of sin is death, repent before payday.”

♥

Answer 1

lollolololololololololol

“Behold, I come quickly.”,
“God is shitting something good.” &
“You were planned for God’s pleasure.”
have gotta be the best ones.

Answer 2

Witty Church Signs

Answer 3

“Git – R- Done fer God"- i love that one i have a brother that looks like larry the cable guy :P

i do not have any to add but thos are funny :P

Answer 4

LMFFAO! 100/10, how about htis one-Jesus loves you-everyone else just thinks youre an a**h*le.that hilarious :D

Answer 5

That's Great!!! I got another one.

"Give God what's RIGHT not what's LEFT!"

LOL

Answer 6

the fiirst few were cute i didnt feel like readin the rest

Answer 7

How about : What's Missing? U

Answer 8

Cool! Hahahahaha! Funny, really funny! :D

Answer 9

That was to funny am rolling here ty !!

Answer 10

Start practice karate,to don`t beat you!!! God !!!