Am I to picky? Please, no rude answers.......?

Question

Ok, here's my story.....I had it pretty rough growing up, both of my parents were drugatics and alcoholics (my dad more than my mom). My dad however was a violent drunk and very mean and threatening and had been to jail/prison more times than I can count. He's burnt down our house, wrecked every car we've owned and destroyed everything and would always threaten to kill with a butcher knife he had. We were also pretty poor. We lived in this crappy trailer that didn't have heat, water, electricity or anything. We heated our "house" with a kerosine heater which is also what we cooked our food on and we used the bathroom outside using a pile of cement blocks for support and I slept on the floor. When I was 12 my mom finally decided to leave my dad but when she did that all she did was jump out of the frying pan into the fire. She started dating a guy that was a dope dealer and had been in prison for rape among other things. He was an awful perve. After he tried to hit me one night I finally had had enough and walked to my mamaws house and lived with her for a while. My mom finally got her act together after about a year of dating the idiot and so did my dad. My dad even went back to highschool and got his degree, got baptised and started going to college to become a counselor, but he still got messed up sometimes and would end up in the hospital. Then, a month before my 14th birthday he died. Ok, this isn't all to my story but its all I'm going to write because to tell you about everything thats happened I would need a book. Ok, here's my problem....I think I'm too picky. I have seen so many failed relationships and I just don't want that to happen to me. I'm 17 years old and have never had a boyfriend because I always find something amatter with them. I'm just afraid of being heartbroken. What should I do? I don't want to end up lonely when I get older, but I don't want to be heartbroken either.

Answer 1

Its OK to be picky at this age but with time you will see it in a different way. you are young so don't worry about being alone finish school go to college and get a career that way you will not end up like your mom. Break the cycle of violence, Because you will tend to look for people like your father and your mother its in our nature to go back to misery. Have patients and you will find someone that will love you.

Answer 2

You are still young, don't rush into a relationship. Widen your social circle, get yourself involve in volunteer work will open your horizon and you'll see things in a different perspective.
You grow up in an "unhealthy" family and your life is all about the negatives. All these thoughts had protected yourself from getting hurt. Even to the extend of not trusting anyone.
I grew up in a family where my parents are like enemies. Sometimes, I felt that I'm being used like a knife to hurt the other. While I was bearing hope that it will end, the more disappointed I get. Everything around me is black. I'd yearn for love but every relationships failed. I've learnt my lesson, and I'll be more selective when the next relationship comes.
Its only when I open up myself (of course not going around telling everyone my sad stories), listen to other people's problem and how they resolve the situation, helps me think maturely.
It's going to take time but worth the effort. Hope that your guidance angel is able to find you.
Good luck :)

Answer 3

I can't blame you in the least bit. If you honestly are too picky, which is a possibility if you can't see past flaws, then I will be the last person to blame you with such a troubled past. I am so sorry for everything you have been through, and I hope that you'll be alright. About the boyfriend issue though, just remember that nobody is perfect and that everyone will have some flaws. But if you love and care enough for a person, you can always make due and see past those flaws to the sweet, loving person they really are.

Answer 4

I don't think yhou are being too picky. You are only 17! That isn't exactly an old maid! You SHOULD be picky. If you aren't then you are going to end up just like your mom, like so many other girls too. Give it some time. If you are having relationship issues in a couple of years, you might want to think about seeing a counselor to help to sort out some of your issues. In fact, it wouldn't hurt now if you are really bothered by this. But I think you should spend time just getting to know what you want out of life and a partner. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I read it all, you have to understand love is about taking a risk sometimes. The chance of getting your heart broken is something that is put on the line. You aren't being too pick you're being careful about who you want to be with so you don't get hurt. If it's major things then no you're not too picky. If it's small reasons then I think you need to take a chance because you would be being too picky. Just make sure the guy is treating you right with respect and being honest with you.

Answer 6

I'm sorry. That couldn't have been easy growing up in such an extreme environment. I suggest lowering your standards for dating, but not for love. Ignore the little things to get a boyfriend, and then at the first sign of a real problem, like doing drugs or cheating or sexually harassing women, etc, ditch him right away. You're bound to find one with no real problems sooner or later. Good luck.

Answer 7

Honey, we are all going to get our heart broken at least once, but would you rather have your heart broken or never know what it feels like to love? Relationships are trial and error. You will never find a man that is absolutly perfect! The thing is you have to love them with their flaws and all! You certainly don't want to grow old and never know what it is like to love. I have loved and lost before and I have had my heart broken, but I know there is nothing in this world that is better than loving someone and knowing that they love you in return. You can't be so picky, but yet still be picky about the men that you decide to date make sure that he has a stable life and a stable job, and a good personality, and is a good influence on people, yet is willing to go out and have a little fun and I mean good clean fun like dancing and movies and good things. Don't stress on the little things, because that is what makes us who we are. I know you will one day find a wonderful man that will sweep you off of your feet and his flaws won't even matter anymore those things will be nothing to you. When you have been with someone for a while you will also get used to their flaws, and some flaws are fixable but you have to be willing to change some of your flaws for that person also because neither of you are going to be perfect, but if you love someone enough you won't mind working on your flaws with each other. Make sure when this time comes you work your flaws out positively, by talking to him about it. Let him know that it bothers you but you really do like him. I wish you good luck and I am here for you if you need to talk.

Answer 8

Ignore the others. I think I can imagine how you feel. I'm sorry for how life has gone for you. It is good to be on your toes, and there is certainly nothing wrong with being picky. Just look for those red flags, and the things you really couldn't live with. Sometimes you can deal with the little things better than you think. Are you going to college? If so,..pursue your education, and I think everything else will fall into place.

Answer 9

Go to the town hall of whatever town you're living in, and ask if they have a counselor available in the family services department of your town. This isn't DCF, it's just a counselor for alot cheaper than a normal therapist. You need to work through your trauma and fears before you can be in a healthy relationship.

Answer 10

I don't think you are picky, you are just very curious. You have witnessed a lot of messed up things...so you're being careful. I would advise you to..just give it time. I believe you'll find that person that you feel comfortable with, it just takes time and patience. And try not to be so defensive, you'll be fine grl. Best of luck :)