What is wrong with me?

Question

I was diagnosed with severe depression, BPD, and ADHD when I was 15. The last time I was treated for depression was 5 years ago. I was living in Arizona 8 months ago and I while I was there I became addicted to meth, went to jail, was homeless, etc. So I moved to another state so I could get my life back on track but I ended up homeless again.
I met an amazing man and he took me off the streets and got me clean. I've now been clean for over 3 months, I am in love and things are going great for me but I for reason I feel horrible most of the time. I feel very anxious, guilty, depressed and scared all at once. I'm having horrible mood swings. I can't stop thinking about all the bad things that happened in Arizona. At night I am either extremely tired or I can't sleep at all. I've always been depressed but I never felt any of these other things until recently. What is wrong with me???

Answer 1

Woah.. doing meth with all those metal disorders?? Bad choice.. (not that I'm judging: I smoked meth for 4 years)... but anyways, it's probably a combination of the drugs and the mental stuff, it'll get better, trust me, getting off the drugs just takes a long time to get your head and your life back together. If I were you, I'd get therapy or some kind of treatment! Good luck!!

Answer 2

Although I've studied and have a degree in Psychology, I'm not a doctor and so I can only speculate on what you may be feeling or what's going on.
First of all, I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through so much in your life, and I'm very happy to hear that at least you're in a good place right now. Depression is a natural occurrence after going through the ordeal of a drug addiction and being homeless, but because you have a history of depression, it may be a more serious condition. It could be a chemical imbalance or just a result of your situation, but only a doctor can really determine that.
As far as your feelings of anxiety and fear, they probably stem from your experiences with meth and being homeless. It seems that you're scared of losing all of the good things that you have in your life right now and you fear that the cycle will only continue. It's like fearing for the worse because, from your experience, it seems inevitable. My advice for that would be to just concentrate on "now." You can't change the past, and the future hasn't happened yet, so there is no point on focusing on either. You have to realize that you have more control than you realize, but let life deal with the rest. Start believing that maybe things happen for a reason. You may not know why right away, but sometimes things just fall into place and you have to have faith that it will continue to happen. Sometimes bad things have to happen in order for us to appreciate what we do have and how fleeting life is. Enjoy every moment of it!
In terms of your guilt, I think that it's part of your insecurity with the man that you love. It seems like he is such a great person, and given your background, you don't feel like you deserve him. Don't think that way! No one is forcing him into your relationship and so I can only assume that he really does love you. Thank your lucky stars that you were able to find someone that special, even at your lowest. It can only mean that the great times will be even better.
Finally, whether I'm on target or not about everything that I've said, I still think that you should seek counseling. You can take any drug in the world to help your depression, but it won't make what has happened to you go away. Talking to someone and dealing with these issues will go a long way for your recovery. You can't move on until you can uncover the sources of your behavior and begin to change them. There's nothing wrong with you...you're not alone.

Good luck...feel free to contact me if you'd like.

Answer 3

Well first of all, if you have only been clean for 3 months you are still going to be experiencing depression from the meth. It takes almost a year to completely get over it and to start feeling normal again. Try to get outside and do some activities that will keep you rmind occupied and help make you sleep easier. You may need to see a dr. so he can prescribe you something until your anxiety subsides. Good luck to you and your new life. Quitting meth is no easy task and worthy of celebration.

Answer 4

It sounds like you may need medication to balance you back. Meth is a terrible thing to kick. It can take years to get back on track. I wouldn't be surprised if you're still coming down with your emotions the way they are. Alot of people never get over the meth monster. It takes away the part of the brain that simply enjoys life and things you like to do. I would see a psychiatrist to talk about medication to stabilize your mood and get your chemical balance back in motion.

Answer 5

Your mind is showing you the things that have happened don't worry just think about the good times ahead of you. in time you will be ok

Answer 6

Hi Cambria,
I used to abuse all kinds of drugs and alcohol. Because of that, I had a lot of legal problems and bad money problems.

Anyway, I would switch from abusing (or being addicted to) one drug to another, and then to another when I realized that one was bad for me, and so on.

For the past few years I've been extremely depressed, but alleviated that by smoking a lot of cigarettes and by hardly ever sleeping (depriving myself of sleep) and by playing addictive video games and doing other stuff online, plus getting really drunk every now and then (not everyday, but just whenever I started to feel like getting smashed). I did that, I guess, because it was a lot less expensive than drugs, and because I really didn't want to end up in jail any more than I already had been. I always felt like I had to avoid reality though, because if I didn't I just got all stressed out, angry at the world, and even more depressed/suicidal feeling.

So, a couple months ago I quit smoking, quit playing video games and anything else that seemed like an escape that I had been doing before, and naturally I felt ridiculously suicidal, depressed, angry, anxious, stressed out, agitated and basically like I would snap any second. Probably how you feel now, having lost your main form of escape. Not only that, but at the same time my best friend for the past 4 years or so (and my primary drinking buddy) stopped talking to me, and my gf for 9 months (and my all time favorite gf) broke up with me, going back to her ex! I felt so agitated and suicidal that I knew I had to do something fast. Well, quite strangely (for me), I got a job, and now I realize even that is an escape in a way, but at least in our world, it's an escape that is acceptable to other people, and something I get paid money for! I guess the best way of looking at it is that it's not a self-destructive type of escape. I do feel less stressed and depressed when I am working a lot, it takes my mind off things, even though I also feel like I am being raped or treated like a slave by the meager amount I am paid. At the same time, I realize that since I am in the USA, I get paid about 10 times more than most people in the world for the same amount of work, so even if I have it bad, there are people that have it a hell of a lot worse than I do.

The thing that made me want to stop escaping from reality was a girl I met. I was in love, I felt like life would be worth living with her. For the first time in a really long time, I felt that life wasn't something that was better to avoid than to participate in fully. Well, I didn't change fast enough for her, sadly, I was still quite screwed up when she broke up with me, but I was motivated by the whole series of events to straighten up my life, to learn to live with all the negative emotions, to make my life livable and to succeed and excel at whatever I can excel at, and to eventually find someone else to love and spend my life with whether it is her or someone better than her. It's that short time of happiness that I had with her that motivates me to keep on trying, to not give in to the temptation to get and stay really wasted and start avoiding reality again. I figure if I enjoyed life once (like I did with her), I can enjoy it again (by myself, or with someone I really like), I just have to work through the hard parts, the unpleasant parts, and eventually it will all be worth it. If not, nothing is lost.

Anyway, I hope that helps you. Good luck to you. I think what you are going through is not really that uncommon, but from my own experience, it does suck :-( Make your life better for you, as fast as you can! Don't turn back to drugs or any other type of escape, that just prolongs the pain and wastes your time, in the end. However, if you have to escape, choose something less self-destructive than so-called "hard drugs"!

Answer 7

It's just depression and anxiety. You need to be on medication that stabilizes your serotonin levels.

Try Paxil.

Answer 8

2 the hospital

2 pointz 4 me

Answer 9

well your body has experienced so much and now that your "normal" its trying to find its way back...It has to deal with everything its been through. forgive your self

Answer 10

what wrong with me???