I am a full tiem step mother, and have raised my stepduaghters since they were 3 and 4 years old. the bio mom has popped in and out a few times, but hasnt really seen them for about 6 years! she is 37,000 in arrearages. and the girls have had to see a psychiatrist on a few occations because she decided to dissappear. i know the laws, and know that im not their bio mom, but i do think that as far a kids go love conquers blood. the bio mom is now deciding that she wants to become a part of thier lives again..im scared of the heartbreak it is going to cause them in case she decides that this isnt the thing. and im scared of loosing them to her also..ive spent alot of time getting them to where they are now, and love them as my own. what would you all do??
2006-08-14 10:19:32 · 8 answers · asked by mommyof5 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
she can never replace what you have done!!!!!you don't need to worry about that.just explain to the kids that they need to realize what may happen and to be prepared for that and you need to support their choices.if you try to discourage them from seeing her they may resent you so don't
2006-08-18 04:05:32 · answer #1 · answered by marcialee_1968 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not only a full time step mom but a foster mom also. In your statement "love conquers" is true but love also covers, meaning they cannot see what you see. All the children know is that she is their mom and there was some bonding. Regardless of how much time she has previously spent with them does not matter, the fact remains that she wants to now spend more time with them, it does not matter how much money she owes,love has no price. You may think that it is not good for them, but you must "lean not to your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him (God) and He shall direct your path". Monitor the visits soon they will come to their own conclusions. Time tells all! Don't worry, rest in this, you love them and I guarantee they love you back. Oh yes, one more thing, we cannot control the heartaches our children are going to experience, if that were the case we would shield them and take it all from them, but we both know that if we did that, they would not be able to function in the world as it is today.
2006-08-14 17:55:14 · answer #2 · answered by Bernice J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I am the stepmom to a 7-yr-old that has been with me since the age of 2. His biological mother has made phone calls but there have only been sporadic visits and years apart. She recently took us to court and got supervised visitations. You have to know that at the end of the day you are the mom they depend on! You are the mom that will be there and they know that. Please seek some counseling not only for them but for yourself too. They need a chance to work through the feelings that they have about thier bm and visits are a way to do that. She is not a threat to you--they know who they will come back to but that doesn't mean they won't desire some kind of relationship with her. Just keep doing what you are doing and know that you are not alone and the counseling really is worth the time and effort. Please post again to let me know how the visits are going.! Prayers to you! ps in our state support and visitation are two unrelated issues.
2006-08-14 19:15:06 · answer #3 · answered by confused by court order 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact the court system and set up a plan through a visitation center.
My daughters father is required to visit 8 weeks straight for 8 hours. Then he allowed an overnight everyother weekend. If he chooses to disappear I can contact the court for relief again.
2006-08-14 18:22:15 · answer #4 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u just have to be there for them.
i am a step mom to 3 kids (plus my own 3). they have 2 moms. 1 mom i have no prob with but the other should not be allowed to have kids. last summer her 6 yr old died because she did not give her her medicine she needed for seizures and had a seizure and choked to death. the police wanted to press charges but couldn't get enough evidence on her. she's lost her kids once already because of not giving the medication.
i have to watch my boyfriends children go their & it breaks my heart because when they come home, the 1st 2 days they spend it throwing up...don't know why.
u just have to keep on loving them & when they grow up, they'll remember who's been there...
2006-08-14 17:41:37 · answer #5 · answered by gemfaith79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just keep doing the excellent job that you are doing now...pray for them. Pray for the bio mom. And kudos to you for raising these kids as your own...you know they pretty much are.
2006-08-14 17:26:01 · answer #6 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get them back to the councellor and have them talk to the children.
In the meantime, continue to be the same loving, caring parent you've always been. They need to know that you will ALWAYS be there for them. They will always love you for being the caring one in their lives.
"Keep your eyes on the ball and the scoreboard will take care of itself".
2006-08-14 17:33:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a heart breaking and wrenching situation but unless there is reasonable grounds not to let her have the children, you really cannot do anything.
2006-08-14 18:02:56 · answer #8 · answered by waterdancer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋