Last week, she & my sister helped me move to a new town for college. I was stressed about the move, & worried about the unknown factors in starting over in a new place. I had a tense mood throughout the weekend, but basically kept quiet throughout.
When their flight home was delayed, I offered to come pick them up so she wouldn't have to wait in the airport all day. When I finally found the airport and got there, my sister wouldn't even come with me, and my mom kept telling me all the way home what a horrible sister & daughter I was, & telling me to just bring her back to the airport. At that point, I finally reacted, telling her how she was adding to my stress and basically being very mean.
This morning, after a week of her not answering my calls, she calls me & says she has to go to the heart doctor today because she's in pain as the result of me. I don't know what to do, I am very upset that she would try to manipulate me by blaming her health problems on me. Please help!
2006-08-14 09:53:21 · 25 answers · asked by dandelion86 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She is angry with you because you are leaving home. It's a somewhat natural (albeit overreacted) response to the situation. It will blow over with time. If possible, talk with her doctor and explain the situation and maybe he can explain the condition better to her.
2006-08-14 10:00:58 · answer #1 · answered by xtowgrunt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you and mom need some space from each other for a while !!! Try letting 2-3 weeks go by with no contact at all, so both you and she cool down. Then eventually give her a call and ask how things are going back at home. If she starts up again about you being the cause of her health problems, politely tell her enough time has passed by and that her health problems should be under control by now and if they aren't she has other issues going on that don't center around you, and end the conversation. When my daughter gets moody and catty, I usually tell her to go home and don't bother coming back until she can speak to me in a civil manner. A few days later she'll call or come by and apologize, and all is forgiven and forgotten.
GOOD LUCK !!!
2006-08-14 10:35:28 · answer #2 · answered by "N"saysable 1iric 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore her. She is just trying to blame you for her health problems. Her helping you move didn't cause her heart problems. If she does have a heart problem it's probably because of an unhealthy lifestyle, age, or heredity - not you. The fact she would even try to guilt you for something like that is terrible.
Tell her you love her and hopes she feels better soon. You don't have to listen to her bs, but you should at least show her you are a mature adult and respect her.
2006-08-14 10:01:03 · answer #3 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a crock dear. Medical science has proven that heart problems come from poor diet, high cholesterol, lack of exercise, smoking, drinking in excess, family history, genetic composition and other things not related to "getting on someone's nerves" as you are accused.
Get a new phone number that isn't listed so she can't call anymore. After going some time without "having you on her nerves" she might then appreciate you more.
On the other hand, you could tell her to "go to Home Depot, get a ladder, and get over it".
2006-08-18 07:53:58 · answer #4 · answered by Captain Cupcake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are we related!?!?!? I think we have the same mother... I just try to brush off anything my Mom says as she, in general, likes to place blame on anyone and everything other than herself. (I am of course the reason my mother can't maintain a lasting relationship, can't have a good time, is miserable, is fat, is unhappy... blah blah blah!) Your mother's heart pain has NOTHING to do with you and is a biological reaction that is an accumulation of the long term effects of poor diet, health, lack of exercise and to some extent stress (which probably has less to do with you and more to do with her own insecurities)
Forget what your mother said... Keep on with your life and a week or two from now inquire as to how she is feeling... don't bring up the argument as it will only give her another opportunity to place blame. Your mother's health is no one's responsibility but her own!
2006-08-14 10:03:54 · answer #5 · answered by annathespian 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure why your mom kept calling you horrible for picking her up from the airport. Is there more to the story than this? Your mother, like most, just wants attention from their daughter but is acting very immaturely. I would tell her: "Telling your own daughter that they cause you health problems, when all *I* did was offer to pick you up from the airport, is vindictive and cruel. If I'm such a horrible daughter, then please don't bother talking to me." Pretty soon, she'll realize how silly she was.
2006-08-14 10:00:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sound like the family from the hot and stinky place. Don't let her put all that crap on you. If you let them get away with dumping on you all the time then it is difficult to make them stop. And they will if you don't answer calls, don't phone and don't communicate in any way after you tell them to act like adults and treat you like the one that you are. There are self help books about this and also for being assertive. I would take the time and read one or two.
2006-08-14 10:03:40 · answer #7 · answered by madamesophia1969 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your mother may have a screw loose. If you want to maintain a relationship with her then I would send her a get well card, saying that you hope she is feeling better. It's not taking responsibility for her heatlh, but it does show you care. Furthermore, if I were you, I wouldn't cut off ties with my mother, but I would try to make the relationship less important in my life. For example, by making really good friends and having an active life. The less you have to depend on a toxic person the better.
2006-08-14 10:01:12 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like the old biddy is trying to manipulate you, keep control over your life.
She wants to try and blame the heart maladies on you in order to make you feel guilty. Don't let her do this to you or you will always be under her thumb.
Just tell her, "Mom, close your ticket booth because I'm not booking passage on the Guilt Trip Express."
2006-08-14 10:01:46 · answer #9 · answered by Albannach 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ignore to inform us why your mom stated you've been a vindictive human being. Your action, smashing the windshield of her automobile, is information that you're a vindictive human being. you want a therapist AND anger administration.
2016-12-06 13:15:43 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people try to blame there problems on someone else, it's human nature. (like oh I never had this problem till you came along) and that's a bunch of bull S#*t. it does sound like you're mother is being self centered and is looking to you to be the escape goat for her problems, if she smokes their one problem, if she eats alot of fatty foods there's another problem, everybodys health is factored in on alot of things, stress, smoking, the air we breath, busy schedules, not getting enough sleep, work, and the list goes on forever. don't let her get to you so much, eventually she will come around and start talking to you again like nothing happened, but it is all up to you wether you want to talk to her, and if she ask what your problem is stand up to her and tell her that you are a grown wowen now and you don't need to be treated like a child. I hope everything works out for you.
2006-08-14 10:09:32 · answer #11 · answered by erniemigi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋