He is mine but yet he called her...?

Question

I have been going out with my boyfriend for 5 years now and we are very much in love. I also have a friend who lives out of state who I am close with, but not in a romantic way. I communicate with this friend through text messages and my boyfriend saw them and didn’t like what my friend was saying to me even tho I didn’t take it the same way my boyfriend did. So i told my bf that those messages didn’t mean anything to me and thought nothing of it. The text messages continued and so my bf went out to a bar and gave a girl his phone number hoping that I would answer when she called him. I did. He said it was to open my eyes to make me see how he was feeling. He also said that he didn’t talk to her again, but he has. Just twice over the phone and he admitted it to me.

He said the only reason why he talked to her was because it felt good to get attention from someone just to know you are still attractive. And i do understand that.

What are your opinions?

Answer 1

if you truly love him,listen and actually hear his words. He told you how his feelings on the text messages. There are two of you in the relationship, not just one. It's cool to have friends, still when things are being said that makes the other uncomfortable, then out of love,you should put him first. He let you see what it feels like, by showing you what you are doing,and you didn't enjoy it either. Love isn't a game. Now both of you are doing and something that hurts the other. Is your love worth risking over words to another, even if you aren't the one saying them? Where is the respect for each other and your relationship? Friends are great, but He is your b/f, shouldn't he come first? I wish you the best, 5 yrs is a long time. Congrats.

Answer 2

Tough one. You might not think of your friend in a romantic way but what about him? How often do you communicate with this friend? How did it make you feel when you answer the phone and that girl once on the other line? Now, if he lied to you about talking to her, I will be worry. I really can't understand why it feels good for him to get attention from someone else. He should be content if he loves you and been with you 5yrs. What does he care what someone else thinks if his cute or not, he loves you right as long as you think his cute and give him attention that should be enough. I just think that when you start missing things that happen when you were living the single life something is starting to go wrong in your relationship. Just my opinion.

Answer 3

Sounds like both of you are playing mind games with each other and that's cruel. If you truly love each other, this madness must stop. You shouldn't be getting text msgs from another dude and he shouldn't be exchanging numbers with another chick. The two of you need to communicate about your feelings and then squash this nonsense. Address the issues that are present such as: trust, respect, honesty, and expressions of desire. If you've been together for 5 yrs. you should know each other well enough to be frank. Go that route. You have invested your time and your heart here, don't throw it away without an attempt to salvage it. Good luck.

Answer 4

This is a danger zone. He has allowed another woman in, when he seemingly hasn't even been tempted to before now. I would really be curious to know just what was said in these text messages to send him to a bar and deliberately give his number to another woman with the express intent for you to find out when the call comes in. I believe you have left out a part of the story that could be crucial in helping you get a good complete answer.

Answer 5

i believe he is insecure. you should be able to talk to you out of state friend whenever and about whatever you want, it might help if your b/f and your o/o/s friend become friends themselves that way your b/f wont feel so insecure. he cant legitemize giving his number to a hot girl at the bar hoping you would answer to make you see how he feels because it isnt the same scenario. for one he knew the girl all of 5 minutes not 5 years. you can still work with this because he didnt lie to you about talking to that girl. but find out from him what it would take to make him feel comfortable with you relationship with your o/o/s friend. tell him that you feel uncomfortable with him talking to a girl that he just met but that it would be different if he had been talking to her for 5 yrs if he wants you to stop talking to your o/o/s friend all together find someone else that will understand because it will just become this vicious cycle that will get worse and worse oh and fyi he didnt need to actually go out and give a girl his number he could have asked you how you thought he felt and you both could have had an adult disscusion about it.....doing what he did and then continuing to talk to that girl (and you can tell him this)just make you trust him less and less and less.....and without trust your relationship is on very shaky ground

Answer 6

Hmmm, sounds like you both have some insecurity issues. I don't see a problem with you keeping in touch with your friend from out of state, but apparently your boyfriend does. It's your call, but you might want to tone down the text messaging and what not. As for him giving his number to a girl so he can feel "attractive", I think that is crap. That's not to say that he shouldn't be allowed to talk to other women, but he is just using her to make you jealous and help himself to feel like a hot piece of a*ss and it all seems very childish and ridiculous to me.

Answer 7

He's rather insecure and needs to deal with that...his behavior was understandable in a small way (the desire to know you are still appealing to the opposite sex) but also childish and petty...

If he doesn't trust you, why are y'all still together? The issue is only likely to get worse over time...are y'all both rather young? It may be that even though he cares for you, after 5 yrs of being together, he's wondering what else is out there and what he might be missing....

Answer 8

Well, I really can't blame him for being suspicious. Are you still text messaging? If you are, then that's probably the reason he's still talking to her. I don't think that you got the point across when you told him that you and your friend are just friends. Talk to him about again, and try not to get annoyed with him, because then he won't listen.
Make sure he understands, and then hopefully he won't be so jealous.

Answer 9

I slightly went through the same thing. My friend was attracted to me also. My boyfriend (now husband) didn't like it but he didn't say that I couldn't talk to him. He knows that you have to keep your friends. He didn't even thing about doing the same to me because 2 wrongs dont make a right. As long as your friend knows that you dont feel the same everything should be okay. Your boyfriend needs to trust you more. If you don't have trust you dont have anything. Dood luck.

Answer 10

Games are for children!!! He obviously is not satisfied completely with the relationship you and he share. I would give him his options you or her if he chooses her you are better off because everything happens for a reason and this just means there is someone out there that is so much better for you than he is. But if he chooses you than he needs to CHOOSE YOU and stop talking to her no matter what it makes him feel. Good Luck!