so i'll do my best to explain this. I'm back with my ex-girlfriend since about 6 months ago. we dated before for 4 years and at the end she decided she'd rather be with another guy. so we were apart for 2 years and finally started things up again. it was going good but i found her diary and i admit i made the mistake of reading it. however the reason for that is i saw her writing in it and saw where she put it. in the past i've know her to only put things in her diary that are things that we should discuss instead of ignore. in this case it's regarding her loving me but loving the guy she left me for more. it goes on to say that she has decided that since her feelings are stronger for another guy that she has decided to no longer speak to him. we were planning on getting married next summer but i think i need to end it. i refuse to be the "safer" option, as she put it. i know it was wrong for me to snoop but i've done that before, she had to expect that i would in this case. any advice
2006-08-14 09:20:19 · 9 answers · asked by adman 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I got 99 problems and a B$%^ aint one.
2006-08-14 09:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by ccameronbeaty78 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know that really had to be hard to learn. But what's wrong with being the safer option? She did make a choice of her own free will and that choice was you. She may say she loves this other man more, and she may even think that right now. But something had to be wrong with that relationship if she chose you over him. I know this from personal experience. I was the exact girl you are talking about a while back. I chose not to be with the man I truly believed, and still believe is my soul mate. I totally and truly love the man I'm with now and I would never leave him or hurt him....and yes, I chose him because he was safer. The man I'm with now is aware of this and accepts it because he knows I love him. If I didn't love him it would be different. It would be just using him, and I'm not.
However, it is your choice and only you can decide what you do from here. If you know you cannot live knowing this, then maybe you do need to move on. I recommend you talk to her some about it (no need to tell her you read the diary). Just ask her if she still has feelings for the other man. If she lies about it....well then there is a whole other set of issues. Please tell her in the beginning though that you want only honest answers. BTW, if she directly asks you if you read her diary...you have to fess up.
Good luck.
2006-08-14 09:31:02 · answer #2 · answered by THP 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. Shame on your for invading her privacy.. that being said, I'm a bit of a hypocrite. My boyfriend made me suspicious and I read his emails and found that he was contemplating leaving me for his ex.. I ended up forgiving him in the end, but I felt traumatized. A lot of heartbreak over nothing - snooping is lonely. I'm still suspicious but I've decided to rely on communication to express my insecurity. We're adults, we should act like it.
You need to talk to her.. and be honest about reading her diary. She will resent you for it, but at least the issue is out in the open. You can't heal unless you ask all those lingering questions that reading her diary has opened up. Maybe the end result will be that you need to end this relationship. Maybe you will forgive and get married and be wiser for it.
I've written very evil things in my diary just to vent.. my boyfriend would be very hurt if he read them, but it's just my emotion in a moment speaking when I was very hurt - I don't really feel that way today. A diary is not always an honest representation of the truth - she made a hard decision and maybe she was just using her diary to cope while she was emotional
By the way, she made the right decision - the safe bet is the best bet. Some women go for dangerous types.. and it's hard to learn not to. My boyfriend was the safe option, and I love him more than anything.. I will never regret my decision to stay with him. If you want her to be completely honest with you, you have to be completely honest with her.. and you can't if you're hiding information because you're too scared to tell her about the diary.
2006-08-14 09:30:24 · answer #3 · answered by Spiked Coffee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude... u have commited the eternal sin... reading ur gf's thoughts... specially how she feels about you compared to the other guy... (i made a similar mistake, and suffer from the consequences to this day)...
listen man, women's brain works totally different from a man's brain... "safer" to them is almost the equivalent of you going for a girl who's perfect in bed but not with the ideal "resume" that you would like to show your friends, parents...
it's kind of like you read a legal document in another language and are trying to gauge your rights or obligations... bad idea...
the best thing you can do, is talk to her about it... but even then, i doubt if she will be able to satisfy you with her answer... "safer" for women is not the same as it is for men... you are not a second choice, just someone that she trusts more... the other guy can pull her strings a little better than you can... (probably an ******, women generally tend to have stronger "emotions" towards *******... but the nice guy is always the winner in the long run)
having said that, marriage is a big big decision, and if you have any doubt what so ever, screw my advice (or anyone else's for that matter), and go with your heart... it is better to be overly slow and very catious on this front...
2006-08-14 09:35:03 · answer #4 · answered by Another Addict 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
End it. If you're her consolation prize she's not playing fair. Nobody likes to say it out loud but people actually to stick to the safe streets. . . . It's better if you take your own path and inform her that she shouldn't be doing this to you. Plus you need to tell her you read her diary. Sure you may get smacked or something but it's only fair, you should know better than to read a girls' diary. That's where girls escape from people like you, like a place where you can just get all that crap out of your head. Plus it reminds you of certain things for future referance. You're kind of a jerk for reading it but you're pardoned from your jerkiness because she had something in there that was invalueble to you. But still you shouldn't have. . . .
2006-08-14 09:28:14 · answer #5 · answered by rkjackal02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to first fise up to reading the diary. Then second let her know that you are not the "safe " option and you refuse to be. Explain to her that you want out and you are going to marry her to take her back. I am sure that you are good guy and you do not need this in your life. She should know that marry someone to be safe is not going to create a happy relationship. If she is that delusional then you are not missing out later on in life.
2006-08-14 09:28:12 · answer #6 · answered by Hotbox25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!!! Dang man that had to have hurt u deeply, but um lemme tell u, im only 15 but this is my take on it, leave her, u shouldnt settle for being second, u should be her first especially if you guys are going to be getting married, uh uh, u deserve to have ALL her love not half or some. End it now before you end up severely hurt. hope i helped.
2006-08-14 09:28:29 · answer #7 · answered by Here2Help 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok ask her out next friday reason she in all probability be busy all week so attempt the weekend. do no longer ask her out the 1st probability you get reason that could make you appear to be your obsessed. additionally discover out whilst she has no longer something to do on the weekends so which you adult males could have a date. If she keeps on turning down on your proposals for a date then she's way too busy for a relationship. possibly she purely desires to be associates reason she has no time for having a bf?
2016-10-02 01:59:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah i think you should go with what u have been plaining too...
2006-08-14 09:27:27 · answer #9 · answered by April 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋