To spank or not to spank?

Question

Do you spank your kids? how old is to old for a spanking? I personaly don't, found it doesn't work as well as other things, but don't get me wrong I have tried it.

Answer 1

Spanking is one of those things that has to fit the moment. I've seen way too many people spank a kid for nothing...and then let them get away with murder.

Parents think they can EXPECT the kid to know when in fact the parent's job is not to TELL The kid what they need to know, but EDUCATE them. You set a rule and when the child breaks the rule, there are consequences. Sometimes the consequence is missing out on a favorite TV program, other times it's a week without phone calls from friends. Losing a favorite toy, or a trip with friends. Time out works with some, with others it does not. It's important however, to always tell the child what was wrong, why it was wrong, and DISCUSS with them how to do it differently in the future. Ultimately, what a good parent wants is for the child to behave correctly becaus they LEARNED to behave correctly, not becuase they are afraid of the parent.

When I was in school to become a teacher,they gave us nothing about spanking, but I can say that it should be something which you adjust to the child. Too young would be an age when they do not understand the concept of "consequences". Too old would be when you can no longer force them to submit to the spanking.

If parenting is done right, you shouldn't have to spank a kid more than once a year at most. Usually teh threat of the spanking keeps most kids in line. HOW you spank is what really drives the lesson home.

Never spank when you're angry. Spankings should be deliberate and well thought out. (If for no other reason than the long period that Junior has to think about the spanking between the time you say "When we get home, you're getting a spanking..." until the moment arrives.) As with any consequence, NEVER threaten what you are not willing or WON'T carry through on. If you SAY there's going to be a spanking, there had better be a spanking. If you tell a kid "I'll turn this car around!" and you don't ever do that, then they realize you are just a bag of hot air (obviously, you threatened something which you had no plans on carrying through)...

I recommend always using your hand. It's important to feel how hard you're spanking as well as making it more personal. (Yes, I have used a belt, but I searched out a soft wide belt that would be punishment in mental visual terms only, not in actual force to the child's behind.)

At the time of the spanking, I make the kid sit alone with me and discuss what's been done to bring on the spanking. I make them repeat back to me in their own words what was wrong, why it waas wrong and how they plan to fix it in the future.

The number of "swats" and the amount of force depends on the kid. You really have to have a handle on your own emotion to do this, so again, never when you're mad. I make the kid bend over and hold on to their knees, a chair, or the sofa and I count out each swat loud and clear. (If the kid jumps in anticipation of the swat, as they sometimes do, I add a swat and I tell them this.)

When you're done, the punishment should be done. No discussions of it at the dinner table, no mentions of it with anyone else. It's done. Hugs are important here, to show that this is a discipline of love, and not of anger (again, in case you didn't catch it above, never spank in anger. - and yes, I've done it, and it never helps the situation.)

Ok, there are my opinions.....

Answer 2

I just say to each their own. Whether a parent uses spanking as a last resort, or they don't feel the need to spank at all, I think it's fine. Just whatever works for each individual family. But of course, there should be limits. I definitely think it is abusive to hit a child with something like a belt. You should never use anything but an open hand. The point shouldn't be to really hurt the child, just get their attention. And I don't think that a child over five or six should be spanked. There becomes a point when they are going to be aware and self conscious of their bodies, and smacking their bottoms is really humiliating and degrading. And by then, they have good enough communication skills to where you can explain what they did wrong anyway. When they're toddlers they need a consequence that's quick and to the point, like a time out or a swat, but older kids can actually remember what they did for more than a few minutes so something like grounding or loss of privileges is more effective.

Answer 3

Yes we do as a last resort. I would say to old would depend on the child, I hope never to spank past 10 but would up until high school. How you spank and why, makes a difference on how well it works. Spankings need to hurt but not leave bruises, welts or permanent marks, other then temporary redness. For us it is the last resort after everything else is tried, therefor is rare.

Answer 4

I do spank my 3 year old son when he needs it. He is always warned before he gets spanked. Time outs don't work on him and to me time outs are a joke. The oldest I would ever spank would be about 13. After the age of 13 other things would work. Nothing is wrong with spanking as long as they have clothes on (no bare bottoms) and as long as you don't do it in anger.

Answer 5

I babysit my nieces and nephews and yes, I spank them. The oldest is now 8 and he knows what the limits are and knows that if he gets The Look its times to shape up. But, if he did not listen, I would still spank him. The youngest one that gets spanked just turned 3. Spanking is the only thing that works with him. He is to little to reason with or to know The Look or what it means. I have never left bruises or even red marks on the kids bums. Its more of a punishment to let them know they are in big trouble than about causing pain. Just a few light swats on the bum to get the message across.

Answer 6

Definately spank them. Time outs only teach them defiance. Only use spanking after a warning or as a last resort though. Do NOT use time outs. Those are usually the alternative to spanking, and trust me I've seen what kids who are put in time out end up like: Unruly and walk all over their parents.

Answer 7

They're too old when they laugh at you and say, "That didn't hurt..."

I don't spank my son; my parents spanked me as a child and I didn't have a problem with it before I became a father, but my wife had a BIG problem with it, so we agreed not to spank our son. Looking back, I'm very glad we decided the way we did about raising our son -- now I can't conceive of INTENTIONALLY causing physical harm to my son. The idea of corporal punishment has also become a bit of a joke in our household, my son (now 4 years old) laughs and laughs whenever I tell him I'm "gonna give 'im a whuppin'!"

Answer 8

not to spank. it's not necessary. i swatted my kids on the butt back when they were little with my hand. i was younger and less experienced as a mother. (stupid is another word that comes to mind). I found out, with patience on my part, repetitive behavior, and standing my ground works a hell of a lot better.

The last time i spanked my 8 year old was maybe when he was 4. All that did was make me feel bad. it never resolved anything. I have not needed to spank my youngest who is 4 now.

if parents took the time to parent their child instead of using resorts that only demean the child, then (not maybe) their kids would behave better. and time out was never the best option. Temper tantrums were dealt with on the spot. This often required me to stop what i was doing immediately, taking my son's face and lowering myself to his level and looking him dead in the eye. with a stern voice, i'd tell him to stop this behaviour immediately. There was no "or else". he would sniffle a little bit, but would contain himself. My oldest, gee...he talks back here and there, but overall, he's pretty well behaved. One parent even made a comment he was too well behaved (how that is possible i have no idea) but if all my kids turn out like him, i'll have one every other year!

Answer 9

Too old for a spanking is past their Kindergarten/toddler years (maybe around 7 or 8?...) If a child doesn't get by then, that what they did is wrong, it's time to try another method of discipline.

Answer 10

I have tried it too. My daughter is 6 and I felt I was out of other options and resorted to spanking. But it doesnt work for her and I dont reccomend it. I feel that it teaches kids to hit. Time out works good for us but you have to be consistent. Its a hard job raising kids and feeling like youre doing the right thing. Some people are too hard on their kids and its hard to find the balance.