Would berevament counselling still be effective after 8years?

Question

My boyfriends sister died in a car crash 8years ago and never had any counselling. He still hasn't come to terms with it as I don't think he knows how to handle it. Would counselling be effective after all this time?

Answer 1

Been there and know how difficult for him and you.

I have no belief in loads of counselling. However the evidence is clear. Say 5 sessions to talk to someone who is not part of his situation and in confidence can make a real difference. It can help to explore unresolved issues and in addition sometimes confirm, that actually he is coming to terms with his loss. the reality is you never get over such events. You learn to cope with them.

So a big yes to a few counselling sessions and many GPs can refer him.

The alternative can be guilt, confusion, difficulty in getting close to people, depression and so on. Worth the investment of a few hours I suggest!

Answer 2

Yes, your boyfriend should probably get counselling if he has not come to terms with this incident.

Counselling is not going to wave a magic wand. If your boyfirend is still thinking about the crash it is always going to be a central part of how he thinks about his life. What counselling should hopefully do is help your boyfriend understand what happened and integrate it into a worthwhile attitude to life.

There is a lot your question does not say, for instance the circumstances of the crash and how old your boyfriend is. Without knowing this it would be irresponsible to advise exactly what would best help your boyfriend.

It may well be that patient loving from an understanding companion is what will help your boyfriend as much as anything.

Answer 3

Yes, counseling would be beneficial. But, he has to want the counseling, or it will not work. He is probably having difficulty letting go of the anger, and it is having an effect on your relationship. That is probably why you wrote and asked for advice.

Most people can get back to "normal" in 2 years after a tragedy. If they are not anywhere near "fixed", they may have a problem with loyalty. He may feel that keeping the anger is being loyal to his dead sister. It is a sign that he loves her dearly. I know this is not healthy, but he probably learned some of the behavior from his parents.

Check out his family and their way of dealing with problems. Do they actually deal with issues, or do they sweep everything under the rug? This will help you in dealing with your boyfriend. All it sounds like he needs are a few healthy tools in his box. Once he finds out a healthy way of dealing with his grief, he can begin the process.

Now understand that you can't rush the process. Once it begins it may take 2 years. It sounds like this might be the case since he has not really "dealt" with her death.

You may also be experiencing "detachment" with your boyfriend. He may be having difficulty with his current relationships as a result of not dealing with a past loss.

I wish you all the best of luck in your quest. No solution, although it may be the right one, is ever easy.

Answer 4

my sister died 10 years ago and she was only 15 years old in a shooting accident. it was a very big shock for the family.
i went for counselling and i am so glad i did. i loved her so much and still misses her. if i feel like this i am sure he feels worse not gone through the proper grieving proses.
i hope he'll find the courage to seek help as it needs to come from himself. don't push him but just encourage him to talk about it. the way you can help him at the moment is giving him time to speak his mind and say how he feels about what happened. make a point of it at least once a week, so that he don't get to the point that he is bottling up and get a chance to release some of his heartacke
God bless

Answer 5

It's never too late. If she never really dealt with it at the time then the grief can go on for years and years. I had some counselling after a similar length of time and it helped.

Also there are some good books around on the subject. Look on Amazon for books with have good reviews by people who have followed the advice and it has actually helped them.

Answer 6

There is no time limit for grief. Counselling even after 8 years would still be effective as it will allow your boyfriend to talk abou how he feels. He may not need many sessions but equally he may benefit from regular appointments. Every person copes in their own way, but it is important to know how to deal with it.

I hope you can broach the subject with him and that he explores the option but dont be offended if he refuses to think about it, grief has to be acknowledged before you can start to heal.

Fingers crossed xx

Answer 7

I think so. My brother died in an automobile accident in 1976. And, I finally spoke with someone about in 1989. It helped a lot.

BTW, you never "get over" or "deal with" a loss like this. It may hurt a little less each day, each month, or each year, but it will always hurt. I have wept recently over the death of my brother and it was 30 years ago. What you can do is to accept it and to forgive yourself for anything that you think you might have done wrong whether real or imagined.

Answer 8

Most definitely, the counsellor will help him come to terms with it. It may be 8 years on but the feelings are still there and he needs help working through them. I have just completed a counselling course and this will stay with him unless he deals with it, we push things away but they dont leave us, only cause more problems. Good luck xx

Answer 9

I believe that some sort of counseling would still be effective for him. I know how I would feel if it were one of my siblings, and you never truly get over something like that. Your sister/brother is one person who spent everyday with you growing up and it would be like losing your mother or father, you just can't get over it. He does need counseling to help him function with the day to day. just be supportive of him, and tell him he will see his sister again some day. if he is opposed to counseling maybe a support group would work better for him.

Answer 10

My mother went through grief counseling 10 years after my father died in a plane crash. She hadn't let herself grieve because of the belief she must be strong for me. It helped tremendously even after all that time. For her a chance to find some closure....and for me tangible proof that I wasn't the only one absolutely devastated by his death. It's never too late to grieve and cry.