My daughter has the idea that I don't love her and did many dirty things to me. I have two daughters as different as day is to night but love them both equally in different ways. Feel jealousy has stemmed clear thru life as youngest daughter born less than two months after my husband had to go in service. Naturally, a baby required more time as Phyllis was 3 yrs. but just a real doll. I had no car to drive so we walked little over half mile one way to shop and pushed buggy. Also, kept up a house and yard so wasn't easy for me but I did spend time daily with Phyl. Won't go into detail as to all she has done to me but it's been like a knife right through my heart.
2006-08-14 05:55:52 · 14 answers · asked by Mixed up 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It sounds like she has been talking to Michael Chimpson, which is never a good idea...
2006-08-14 06:00:08 · answer #1 · answered by John Blix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You "sound" as if you tried to care for your daughters, but what you obviously do not understand is that daughters cleave closest to their Father and boys cleave closest to their Mother. If the father was away in the military, both daughters suffered the entire time that he was gone. If the three year old was Phyllis, that explains why she feels a void. If the infant never experienced the withdrawal of the father then she would be perfectly adjusted. But if the 3 year old had the love of both of you and then suddenly her champion is gone and you are devoting much time to the infant you can see where equal was not sufficient.
Parents do not understand the dynamic of mother/son, father/daughter. This is constantly the crux of teen angst and most parents do not understand it. It is far too late now to fix it, you have to realize first where the void appeared, accept that you did not appropriately fill it, due to your own hardships, which she may never understand - then let her know that you thought you had done the best you could, but you just were not aware of what she was going through.
The hurtful things she has done to you that you call (many dirty things) were her cries for your attention. When a child feels bereft of love, they will seek negative attention (that they know is guaranteed, rather than the love that they feel may be withheld. So that negative energy issued in their direction is better than none.
Pride may not allow you to make this gesture, but if you apologized to her for all of the fears you did not acknowledge, all of the loneliness you did not attend to and your insensitivity in not realizing that she was in sheer agony for affirmation of love during her father's absence and the birth of the new baby.
Tell her that you only now got a clue and if she chooses to hate you, you will be hurt, but will know where she is scoming from, but that you hope that you can build a better relationship from this point on. **This is the part where you attempt to hold her and both of you cry in one another's arms for an indeterminate amount of time.
2006-08-14 15:11:15 · answer #2 · answered by gravelgertiesgems 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Phyllis is 3 or 4? any age under 6 sounds like they dont know any better. Kids like attention for themselves. If possible, have phyllis play with the younger daughter so that you're not always spending time with 1 and not the other. Maybe even have her take care of younger sib while you watch from a distance.
2006-08-14 13:05:53 · answer #3 · answered by leikevy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a daughter, who has relationship issues with my mother...I don't know how old you're daughter is but I can tell you that no matter how you think you raised her or loved her, for some kids it's not enough. You can't look at your child and say " Hey, my life was hard and I did all that I could to provide for you so why isn't that good enough?" Kids need more then the thought that their parents love them. It's one thing to know...it's another thing to feel it. Your daughter obviously needs to get in touch with herself because it sounds like she handles herself immaturly, but it also sounds like she may be getting it from you. You need to take the initiative and talk to her. Be real and tell her how childish she is being and explain to her that you don't fully understand her needs. If you two can establish an open relationship where you can talk freely without judging eachother you relationship can flourish...of course that's easier said then done...good luck with this, and all you do.
2006-08-14 13:15:11 · answer #4 · answered by Passionfire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to add more info if you need an answer............Good luck. Perhaps counseling would help. Sometimes instead of defending yourself, think of the other persons feelings. She is your daughter and even if she is wrong and doing mean things. It sounds like it is because she is feeling rejected. Your pointing out that she is wrong is only showing that her feeling are worthless and dont matter. Making her feel more alienated. Maybe instead say I can tell that you are feeling..............You must be feeling....tell her you love her. Make it about her. The more you agree with her. The more loving and responsive she will become.
2006-08-14 13:25:15 · answer #5 · answered by galbee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOOK as a daughter i understand. My mother has done the same to me. BUT i no longer let her rule me. GO on with your life. AND pray 4 her. BUT go on. LIVE your life. Maybe she will come around and maybe she wont. DONT waste your life waiting 4 her. ME personally i told my family if you dont respect me stay a way my mother included. THIS is what you may half to do to move on with your life. OTHER wise you will never have a life.IF they are still young you can change some things. IF they are older just let them go. move on. The neighbors just be nice to them.
2006-08-14 13:06:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a really hard question to answer unless we know the age of your daughter. Whether she is 6, 16, 26, or 56 matters in the way you deal with her, as well as to the way she deals with you. Is this new behavior or has it been going on for years?
2006-08-14 13:32:34 · answer #7 · answered by Kate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't know, but why would a person ask millions of people, that doesn't live next door, instead of going to the people of interest?
More than 1 person needs to grow up.
2006-08-14 13:03:09 · answer #8 · answered by spiritwalker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a parent, the most important thing you can do is keep loving her and show her you care. She will realize it when she gets older. In the mean time, send her to boot camp.
2006-08-14 13:00:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both need to talk. There is a lot of hurt going on.
2006-08-14 13:01:08 · answer #10 · answered by Unique 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋