8 yr old daughter seems to lack common sense. What to do? What to do?

Question

I have an 8 year old stepdaughter that lives with myself and her father. She is really smart but seems to seriously lack common sense! So much so that she will come stand in front of me with an obvious piece of trash from her room and ask me if she should put it in the garbage?? After she eats, she asks if she should brush her teeth. Just stupid questions all the time! It's really starting to get annoying. Lately when she does this, I've just been telling her to think about it and figure it out. Should I really have to do this all the time? It seems to me she just doesn't want to have to figure things out on her own. Last year in school she frequently visited the counselor's office for every little thing nothing important. I'm just afraid she ends up like her biological mother, who doesn't take care of her responsibilities and lets her parents do things for her kids that she should be doing. I don't want her to have to depend on everyone else to solve her problems for her.

No, I don't call her stupid or tell her it's a stupid question. I ask her what does she think she should do or how does she think she should handle whatever it is, then i help her come to a conclusion. I'd say 90% of the time it's things I know she knows what to do, it's nothing new to her. She has pretty much always been like this since I've been around her just not quite this bad until recently.

Answer 1

Well it sounds more like she is craving attention for asking goofy qeustions.. In her mind thier not goofy ones, she is just trying to get you to focus more on her..
Also children live by example and if the mother was so lazy and wasnt doing anything for herself then it's only natural that the daughter is following behind the mother...
since she is only 8 yrs old, she is doing only as she has been taught...The problem is since the mom has taught her this, you have to go in and reteach her before she gets older... I would strongly sit down with her and say In details ," here are the rules and here what you need to be doing for yourself, " and let her know if she cant figure out how to do something then she should ask but if she already knows how then she needs to do it..
Children will listen, tell her to not ask if she already knows the answer and let her know how smart she is and praise her when she does things on her own, that will help encourage her to keep wanting to do things more on her own....and not turn out like her mother....

Answer 2

Your step daughter may have low self-esteem, and it constantly looking for instructions and approval. It's also possible that she was in a a verbally or physically abusive environment, and she's afraid to do anything without seeking permission.

It'd be great to get her into an activity; something she's good at, that she'll receive the praise and approval that she needs. This could be soccer, or crafts, anything that she shows an interest in. She needs praise and approval.

It's also very important that you do not compare her to her mother, or berate her mother the way you did here. I understand that saying it here is not the same as saying it to her, but I want to point out that if you are making these types of comparisons to her, it will only make it worse.

Don't make a huge deal out of her asking for permission for everything. It may be annoying to you, but if you deal with it calmly and don't react, you'll find that she's more comfortable with making these little decisions on her own.

Answer 3

I totally understand what you are going through! I have 8 yr old twin step-daughters. They are both in counseling due to the fact that they just can't get along. I also have a 7 yr old biological daughter. The twins drag her into their fights and they are over silly things, like who takes the first shower, what t.v. show to watch, who has more, etc. The twins even get into major physical fights where blood has been drawn! We have the girls week on week off. So every other week we have no control over their behaviors or consequences. In addition the mom has turned the teachers at their school against us, so we get no support from the school even when we request information. So believe me I understand where you are coming from. I wish I could give you an answer that would solve the problem.

Answer 4

Is she timid? You said that this is your step daughter, maybe she is looking for ways of reaching out and talking to you and using these little things as an excuse to be in the same room with you or start a conversation. It sounds like she may be having a hard time adjusting to various things that are going on in her life and that she is find her place in the family that she is in right now, Her Mom sounds a little unattached and probably doesn't offer her too much in the ways of guidance. These little questions sound more like a hurting little girl looking for your approval. Kids can be very be annoying,I have 4 girls ..I know.LOL. especially ones that seem to be VERY needy. Just try to remember that you can help her in so many positive ways that she wouldn't have had the chance to experience if she didnt have you. Be as patient as you can. Good luck

Answer 5

she's 8, lay off of her. i thought i got a hint of it, but when you came out and said it at the end i was positive...this has nothing to do with her biological mother, and she isn't avoiding responsibility she's just asking dumb questions. either way she's only 8, you shouldn't even be thinking about those quirky behaviors as a path to dependence and irresponsibility

it's not a lack of common sense, she could just be trying to be annoying, kids do that. or, more likely, there are some issues she has with the divorce, her relationship to you, a need for attention, etc. all of which are things that a professional should discuss with you. maybe she sees someone telling her to do those things as a mom-like thing, and she's reaching out for you to serve in that role. even if she knows better, those aren't things she learned from you.

Answer 6

I have three kids at home and not a one of them have any common sense. I get tired of the endless stupid questions too. I think the kids today lack common sense because they're so much more sheltered than we were as kids, they have no street smarts. The more a kid can go out and play in the real World, the more common sense they will gain. Do you think my house was child proof as a kid? Hell no! I learned the stove was hot, I learned that poison tasted bad and made you sick, and that electricity could shock you all on my own, and it only took once to figure all of that out.

Answer 7

Mother might not be taking care of her responsibilities but this child is being nagged.
She is being controlled by someone. She's afraid to do things on her own for fear of doing it wrong & getting yelled at for it. So she is going to ask to make sure she's allowed to do whatever and that she is doing it right. She isn't being allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. She isn't allowed to be human.
She needs to see another counselor other than the one at school. There should be agencies in your city that can supply a free one. Ask your Dr.

Answer 8

some kids mature differently than other kids. But if shes has questions because she doesnt know what to do, then why dont you help her out by explaining why she should do this course of action instead of the other rather than telling her to think by herself. isnt going to help because she doesnt know what to do. You can't expect her to be perfect if your not willing to help her out in life. If you want her to be responsible, then teach her responsibility and hope you dont get upset even if the questions she asks seem stupid to you.

Answer 9

she just seems a little flighty to me, shes only 8. give her time. no 8 year old is going to have perfect common sense, she just seems a little naive. don't call her or her questions stupid though, that will make her feel horrible. hope it turns out okay.

Answer 10

I think you're on the right track already, by telling her to think!!! Allowing her to make some decisions for herself. Just continue to love her no matter what and she'll be find. She has you for a mother.