my husband and i are divorced, and he judges me constantly with every decision i make. My 7th grader - she is 12 - is asking to let her wear a little makeup and even tho i think it would be okay....i'm sure her dad will not only disagree, but decide that i am a bad mother for allowing it....any thoughts?
2006-08-14 05:05:15 · 32 answers · asked by shasta 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Children and youn people from an early age have to find thier identity, discover and experiment. As we do, they feel the need to take care of themselves, present themselves how they would like to and feel like they have self ownership.
Allow the make up - She will put it on when she is away from you anyway.
Your ex-husband should be making comments based on the welfare of your daughter, not his narrowminded opinion of you.
Follow your heart and take yourself back to when you were 12... what were you prevented from doing? why? how did you feel?
Jakki X
2006-08-14 05:17:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I read your Q- age 12 popped into my mind. So, I think you are right on track.
In 7th grade if my mom had told me that I couldn't wear a little bit of make-up (I was allowed eye shadow, mascara, and lip gloss only) I would've went sneaking behind her back and bought or stole it and probably've looked like a clown at school.
So, if you think it is ok that your daughter wear make-up at 12, then I would suggest sitting her down and having a serious talk about what is acceptable and what is not. Then you should take her to the store and help her pick out make-up that is suitable for her and what is appropriate. And finally, show her how to put it on in a way that is respectable.
If your husband is not okay with her wearing make-up at age 12 then talk to him and tell him that you think your daughter is mature enough to wear a little make-up and that you sat down and talked to her and she knows the rules. And explain to him that if he is still not in agreement, then she will leave the make-up at home and will not wear it while she is visiting him.
2006-08-14 05:18:03 · answer #2 · answered by < Roger That > 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I think young girls with make-up look more like wearing a costume than a beauty queen, and at 12 I would not be happy if a child of mine wears make-up...but she probably wants to feel grown-up and be up to her friends, or even mimic you and blablabla..
So, why don't YOU get her some "appropriated" make-up for a young girl? (some glossy pink thing or so). Maybe some shopping together for a little thing? Tell her father about it: If you say no, she will do it when she is out of your sight or with friends. Better say yes and have some control, so even she will stop using it because you approve it or bought her some things.
Also, make-up is more a matter of how it looks, than appropriate age. There are some 12 year old that looks like 16, or viceversa...
2006-08-14 05:33:07 · answer #3 · answered by Mel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am right behind you...I have a 4th grader. She wants to wear makeup as well. I only allow "lip smacker" or the like. No eye stuff or anything else.
The reality is, if she really wants to wear it, she will. I am sure one or more of her friends already do....
I would be more worried that she is focusing on make up and boys, and less on her school work. Maybe the compromise is to attach makeup to grades and school work. To wear makeup, she needs to maintain a "whatever" average (I'd say 3.0). If it slips, no makeup.
For me, as a dad, the bigger issue is watching my baby girl grow up...and they do it so fast. I am trying to keep my girls as young as I can....for as long as I can. They are pushing so hard to grow up so fast.
Finally I would say its better if she gets some help from you (and Dad) on makeup, rather than from her friends. That way she stands a chance of not looking like a street walker.
For all its worth- thats my advise
2006-08-14 05:56:15 · answer #4 · answered by Chris P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would make sure that she knows that true beauty comes from within. And I would be careful of how much I would allow her to wear. She is quite young and you don't want to upset either one! So that would be a hard situation! Make sure she knows how to use it, and I wouldn't let her wear a lot. Just a little makeup makes a person look better, too much, she looks plastic! A little glitter lip gloss and maybe a little eyeshadow might be okay.
2006-08-14 05:14:52 · answer #5 · answered by Lorla 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 12 is ok to wear *a little* make up...like powder, lip gloss, some eyeshadow and mascara- as long as she doesn't go overboard with the make up and it looks bad...When is her birthday? I would take her to the make-up counter at a department store for a make up lessonas a present. or even for a back-to-school surprise gift. The make up consultant will tell her the correct way of doing it and will hopefully not be too over the top with her. It would be a fun Mom & Daughter thing to do!
2006-08-14 05:12:10 · answer #6 · answered by sammy22005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what age you think is 'acceptable' for her to wear makeup, I can guarantee you, she'll wear it whether you allow it or not! She'll be buying it with her allowance, hiding it, and putting it on at school. I think it's better to let you supervise the makeup before she leaves the house so she doesn't go out looking like a clown, but that's just me. Hopefully, your husband will understand that teenagers and almost teenagers are going to do things that you wish they wouldn't when you're not around. He can hardly label you as a bad mother for this, but I know some people aren't as understanding as we'd like them to be. Good luck!
2006-08-14 05:10:48 · answer #7 · answered by dulcetpurr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that maybe by letting her know that you understand how hard it is at her age to fit in and be accepted, but that when she hits her teens would be a better time to start wearing a little makeup. Maybe lipgloss and some light eyeshadow, then agree with one other product like blush on her 14th birthday. And then maybe mascara on her 15th, eyeliner on her 16th and so on. Explain to her how hard it is for a dad to see their baby girls grow up and that it would be easier on him if she took it alittle at a time. Let her know that she is beautiful without makeup and that she doesn't need to look like she is 19 yet. Maybe now would be a good time to talk to her about boys. Don't mind dad, this is your territory in this situation. If it were up to dad, she would never wear makeup, never have boyfriends, never leave the house, date or even get to grow up. But you do have to take his feelings into consideration.
2006-08-14 05:22:33 · answer #8 · answered by ginger sue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you do, take her to a beautician or a make up counter person that you trust. If you don't know any, start scouting one out, explain your situation (without your daughter there).
You should be able to get your daughter to get a makeover with this person that is discrete and appropriate for her age (I'm thinking lip gloss, maybe clear mascara, something glittery etc.) If you get an "expert" to help her realize how little her beautiful young face really needs, she'll believe it a lot easier than if it came from you.
Best Wishes!
2006-08-14 05:19:35 · answer #9 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not a bad mother for allowing it, grade 7 is an appropriate time to allow "a little makeup." Better to offer supportive guidance to your daughter rather than have her feel left out with her peers, or become secretive and put on make-up when she arrives at school.
2006-08-14 05:18:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a girl becomes of age. Also, it is good to experiment and see what colors look good. Just a little lip stick, and not too much blush and eye shadow. I'm 22 and I hardly wear makeup. I look great without it. But just some blush and a light coat of lipstick and lip gloss does the trick. My boyfriend says I look great without any on.
2006-08-14 05:19:29 · answer #11 · answered by too cute 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋