A question for all the mothers out there.......?

Question

If your child/children were being abused by your boyfriend/husband and your child told you, whose side would you be on? Would you believe your child or husband?

Would you kick him out right away, no matter what? OR would you not believe your child, and make his/her life hell? Would you hate your child and blame he/she for everything that goes wrong? Would you say that your child is a liar.

Also, have this ever occured in your life? What did you do?

Also... My mother choose her husband over me!

Answer 1

I would believe my child and get rid of the guy!

Answer 2

I don't see any reason for a child to lie or make up a story like that. I would no doubt believe my kid, and my boyfriend/husband would be out the door faster than I can say GET THE FUUUCK OUT!! Any person that would abuse a child in any way be it sexual, physical, or emotional should not be around kids period. I can tell you that I speak from experience. My mom and dad separated when I was 5 years old. My mom let a boyfriend move in with us when I was about 7 or 8 years old. This bastard abused me sexually, but at that age I didn't understand what was going on so I never said anything to my mom, until I was in the 4th grade that in school they had a counselor come and talk to our class about abuse and strangers and what what to do. It was when they described abuse that it hit me, and I then understood what happened. SO I go and tell the counselor lady that same day because they encourage kids to come forward if they think that's happened. Well, by that time my mom had already been split up with the guy for at least a year or so and she couldn't do anything about it, but she had a looong talk with me about what I should have done and what she would have done. I guess I would side with my kid because of my experience with it. But, it's your kid, and no man or step parent is worth your kids safety and well being. If this has happened to you, I really hope that you do the right thing. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 3

I must say, that is a great question. I know this sort of thing happens a lot. I personally, look at it this way. God has blessed me with a child, which we all know not everyone can have kids so it is really a blessing, and it is my responsibility to take care of that child and protect him/her. There is no way on this earth, I would let any man come into my life and abuse my child in any way, shape or form. If there is the smallest inclination that this is happening, I would get rid of him. If I am not sure of what's going on and my child would tell me that he/she is being abused by my husband/boyfriend, I would believe my child, but at the same time, try to find out exactly what's going on but in a way that my child would not keep getting hurt while I am discretely investigating the matter. My child is my heart and no one comes before him/her.

Answer 4

As a mother, the child needs to come first at all times... If a child alleges abuse and comes and tells you... You need to believe that child.. 99% of the time the child is telling the truth...

There is no doubt that I would kick my boyfriend/husband out.. I would have an investigation going on.. If the child is lying it will eventually come out.... Never blame your child for what goes wrong... The adult is the adult and they should know better.. If the child was violated/abused he/she is already suffering, their childhood has been taken away.. They are emotionally damaged.. Give the child lots of love and support. Be there for them. Let them know they are safe with you...

It is always our job to protect our kids from any neglect or unsafe enviornment....

No this has not happened to me, but I know of people that have gone through it.

Answer 5

I think it depends on the age of the children and if it is their father or not. If it is a young child, I would ask my husband to leave until I got to the bottom of it by having the child seen by a psychologist, my husband as well and also have husband take a polygraph. I would never want to believe my husband could do that to his own child, or any child for that matter, but I would have to make sure. If my child was a teenager, I may have my doubts in their word, especially if they were having discipline issues with their dad, however, I would probably take the same action as mentioned above. This happened to me. My mother believed my step father instead of me and to this day still does. I hate them both for it.

Answer 6

This did happen to me and it was extremely painful. My mother sided with my stepfather, defended my stepfather and told everyone that I was a "crazy" troublemaker. I tried going to other relatives and friends; however, my mother convinced everyone that I was a liar. Then I called a teen-help hotline for some advice about calling the authorities.

To answer your question, I would NOT allow anyone ot abuse my children and if my kids told me they were abused, I would believe them. I did not allow my children to be mistreated because I knew how painful it was when my mother betrayed me, blamed me and didn't protect me. However, I have discovered that it is common for parents and bystanders to take the side of the abuser. People want to protect their illusions. If your mother admits to herself that her boyfriend/husband is an abuser, it "dirty's" her in some way. She doesn't want to admit that she made a poor choice in a partner, so instead she defends her choices and calls you a liar. I know how much this hurts.

Please seek help from someone willing to listen to you, VALIDATE your experience, help you and protect you. Keep telling "safe" people (a school counselor or other trusted adult) until someone believes you and helps you.

I know it takes a lot of courage to "stand in the truth" about abuse; however, the only way to stop it is to get help.

You can also call the Child Help National Child Abuse Hotline - (1-800-422-4453) then push 1 to talk to a counselor.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I completely agree with Linda. I would believe the child and get rid of the husband or boyfriend. I would also speak with the child regarding the type of abuse first and have them checked by a doctor, then call the police and have them thrown in jail.

Answer 8

I would believe my child...whether my husband/boyfriend was guilty or not...for my child to say something like that at all...is a huge sign that they're not happy...that's too risky to not take action right away and find out when its too late...its never happened to me...but I have family and friends who have been a abused by there parents and a whole decade later...they're still suffering from that...horrible situation!!

Answer 9

I would IMMEDIATELY ask the boyfriend/husband to leave until the matter has been settled. Guilty or not any good man would go under these circumstances. Then you have to do what the law states and report it. If that child is lying (and I pray she is not), she will have ruined a man's life and she will be in a lot of trouble herself. If you truly think she is lying call a therapist to see her as an emergency, they are trained to help in these matters. But your partner has to go now! If you don't make him go, you can go to jail too.

Answer 10

What? My child of course! I wouldn't even have to think twice about it, he would be outta there in a heartbeat. My child is the most precious thing in my life and matters more to me than anything else. I would never blame my child for anything she did not have control over or wasn't her fault.
This has not ever occured and I hope it never does.

Answer 11

Well, I have been on both sides of this kind of. I had a b/f who was mean to my oldest son and yes I got rid of him immediately. However, my oldest son went through a real bad spell during puberty and became quite the, well, dishonest child. Telling people that I was being verbally abusive to him as well as my current b/f--none of which was happening. However, the solution was counseling, and lots of it. Bottom line was everything he was dealing with, and had dealt with in the past (natural father not being involved in his life since the divorce, etc), was coming out toward me as he felt it was my fault. The way to get revenge on me, he thought, was to make me look like a terrible mother. I agree that all kids are blessings but we must remember that none of them are perfect.