Why does everything my teenage son say to me sound like he is yelling or angry?

Question

I know he has an attitude problem and we have worked on this but every response he give to simple questions sound like he is angry at me or of course the attitude of "how stupid are you?" I probably am not as in tune to what is going on as I could be but i work two jobs and sometines i have to ask things

Answer 1

How do you respond when he gets like that? Psychologically it's not much different than communicating with my 5 year old. If she is snotty or upset and I calmly talk to her about what the problem is, or how rude she is being, the situation is usually diffused.... if I have a short fuse at the time and respond in kind, the situation is guaranteed to escalate and not be resolved.

Sometimes it's hard to react calmly when you're having a bad day (who wouldn't working 2 jobs), whether it's with a 5 yr old or a teenager. I don't mean use kid gloves, but there is alot to be said for tone of voice and body language....

HTH

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Answer 2

My son actually says, "How stupid are you?" Teenagers can be very rude if you tolerate it. My son is 16 and yes he knows everything. Everything I ask is an invasion of his privacy. He is probably lashing out at you for not being home enough. There's not too much you can change about that but maybe when he's in a better mood you could plan some time together even if its just for a short time. I would suggest however that you don't make promises that are unrealistic because if you can't keep your "date" that will only anger him more. He wants your attention but only the way he wants it. You think you are paying attention to him by talking about his life. I do the same thing, "how was your day, or what is that your doing on the computer?" I get, "get out of here or its none of your business" I check to see what he does on the computer so I know its just a game that he plays. Runescape. So I try to talk about the things he wants to talk about. Like how do you play that game, can I play too? He was actually interested in telling me about the game and how cool it is to him.

Answer 3

Stress..Likely In School...Or He Really Wants To Be In A Military Boot Camp. Lol-We'll See If He Has An Attitude Then...Ahaha

Answer 4

Teenagers know everything, and have little patience for those of us who don't! Seriously though, mine does the same thing. When I was growing up, if I raised my voice to my parents, my father straightened me out immediately with a swat. I learned to respect my parents, but it was out of fear. I didn't want to be like that with my son, so I've always encouraged him to be open and speak his mind, and I've been much more tolerant with him than my father ever would have been. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of that, is a seeming lack of respect. They still love us, they just don't know how to respect us. I should have worked on that with him from an early age, but I guess I just didn't realize that I had to, because I believed that somehow my values would be his, automatically. I now realize that children have to be taught respect, at an early age, just as they are taught manners, through love, explanation, and example. My son and I are working on it, together, and progress is being made. Talk to your son. Ask him if he loves you. Tell him that his behavior hurts you, and you don't feel that you deserve it. It just might be that he just doesn't know any better.

Answer 5

Well we have three teens, all different temperaments, personalities, etc but you know one thing they all have in common? They like to argue(especially our two sons!)with me/us and one of them, always seems angry. I figured out, that this is the period of time where they want to make their own decisions, wish they were independent(but aren't yet)and their peers are or are becoming way more knowledgeable and important than us!!Anyways, soit is all a part of separating themselves(or trying to anyways)from you as the parent. I say nobody can prepare you as a parent for this time, but the more you understand who they are, and what is happening, the slightest bit easier(far from easy times, oh please, I think we could all write our own chapters on teen years alone,lol)to handle. You need to be strong, be consistent, and yes even in the midst of his making a point or anger, still give him your unconditional love. You know what drives one of our sons crazy? In the midst of his arguing(I think he personally enjoys a good argument, clears the air, ya know?LOL) and oh yes, always at least five to ten times a day they all make the point, "Are you stupid or what?I will turn to him and say, "Oh you know what, even when you are arguing, you are just so darn cute, I just love you!" He then of course either is cracking a smile, or you know being a teen, has something else to say. I say, buckle up, for this wild ride of life through the teen years! Try to make the best of it. Now I will say that sometimes if your teen is constantly irritable, angry, sees no fun in life, etc, it is a sign of depression. It shows various forms in the adolescent years, then you want to get him help, behavioral therapy, possibly meds. but I sure can't make that call from here. You'll know as a parent! Hang in there, good luck! Just know, you are not alone, we are all here, trying to make the best of it!!! : ) Keep smiling!

Answer 6

I think 90% of the teenagers are like that, I have a 18, almost 19 years old brother and we just cant talk like normal people, if I say something he doesnt like he starts yelling, he was always like that.
I was also like that when I was around 17, because I was finishing school and was very lost about what career to study and everybody kept telling me to do this or that... its something that all teenagers go throgh sooner or later.

Answer 7

Are you talking about my son or yours? My son is 14 and is acting like this too. I think you need to let them speak but put them in check about who they are speaking too! If the problem is serious he may need professional help. If you are working two jobs, he may be irritated with you that he doesn't have enough time with you. Even though he is a teenager he still needs his mom! Good luck!

Answer 8

He's a teenager and sounds angry. Maybe at you for not being home enough, or maybe a life in general. Can you try to get "in tune" with him. He's your son. He's worth the effort.

Answer 9

Teenage boys need to establish their own identity. He is trying to become his own man which is healthy. He just doesn't know how to tell you to back off politely. My 20 yr-old son has softened so much in the last two years, but he was tough from 16-18. Hang in there... good years ahead.

Answer 10

'Cuz he's a teenager? I was like that a lot with my mom, not because I was particularly angry with her, but because most of the time I was irritated at being asked questions I didn't think she needed or wanted to know about. It's a little about asserting independence- he doesn't think you need to know everything about everything about him anymore. It's really just a phase, I think. I talk to my mom (very cordially) all the time now. :)