My parents and siblings are totally embarrasing. My mom is constantly picking her nose or scabs? My step dad is just ugly and disgusting. They both wear dirty, stained clothes. Their house should be condemed. It is filthy and cat hair all over. It smells so bad you can't breath or want to eat there. I don't want to hurt their feelings. I have tried buying them clothes and cleaning their house. I am going to be getting married and my boyfriend's family is perfect. They are upper class people that have a little money. I don't know how to introduce them to my family. His family is very family orientated. My boyfriend doesn't even want to associate with my family because they are so gross and how they act. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. My boyfriend does have good reason not to accept them and he tries because he loves me. He just had to clean the toliet after he overflooded the toliet with skid marks. What should I do? Seriously?? How do other people handle this sort of thing
2006-08-14 03:26:03 · 19 answers · asked by Femme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
THERE YOUR FAMILY SO YOU GOTTA LOVE THEM , HOWEVER I GUESS DONT GO OVER THERE AND EXPLAIN TO HIS PARENTS HOW THEY ARE BEFORE YOU HAVE THEM MEET...
2006-08-14 03:33:17 · answer #1 · answered by MARY B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you feel this way about the family " BEFORE" the boyfriend?If you did then I'd say you've decided distance is the best for you. However, if you have only worried about your parent's situation sense he entered in and he has said he will not accept them, then I'd wonder in how many other areas of your life will he not accept. Careful...
However, one can choose not accept a behavior or style and still love the people. You don't say if your parents are diabetic. If they are and if they are in ketosis there will be an over powering clinging sweet floral smell. It will permeate every room. If this is happening they need medical care. I would not put the two families together at all. In today's families I know of many who only meet on the day of the wedding and at the births of the grand-children. And I'd get married with just my best friend's present. I'd take pictures and videos and give them to the parents on both sides.
Good Luck
2006-08-20 00:32:58 · answer #2 · answered by Makingwishes 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a very successful young lady since you have overcome the negative aspects of your upbringing.
Obviously, your parents are sweet and loving, and you did get that part, and that's what your fiance loves about you (and everyone else, I'm sure).
Pretend your parents are just eccentric. Invite them out to a low-key, not too expensive restaurant (like chili's or applebee's) with your intended in-laws as their ONE meeting at a time that is convenient for you. Prepare your new family by explaining that your parents are bohemian and eclectic in their approach, but that they love you madly and that you appreciate them for that.
Don't bother being ashamed of them or embarrassed by them--each person is responsible for their own hygeine and habits once they are grown. Be grateful that you know how to keep your own clothes clean and go on and enjoy your new life!
You'll have plenty of opportunities to almost be embarrassed when your little ones pee all over your leg! LOL
2006-08-14 03:38:21 · answer #3 · answered by nora22000 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how long you've been together but I would like to ask how - or should I say why - would you go through with a marriage to a person who is in total disgust of your family? Don't let the glitz of what his family has fool you. No family is perfect I don't care what they have. You are an extension of your family yet you come down so hard on them. Instead of turning away from them, why don't you try to help them? If your boyfriend doesn't want to associate with them now, he will surely alienate you from them in time too. Or maybe he will come to resent you because he may be afraid that you will turn out like them?What are his reasons for not accepting them? What will you tell your children when they ask about your side? you talk about not hurting feelings, but you are doing exactly that to your own family. I'm afraid you will come to regret your decision later. Think twice.
2006-08-18 08:20:26 · answer #4 · answered by mamajo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, my personal love life is not my specialty BUT I'd like to say how I handled it in the past was if I met someone I liked, I'd feel them out a bit for a while, see if they'd be unkind after meeting my family. Then I'd eventually take them to see where I used to live. If they were kind, considerate, well-behaved and respectful to my family and about the property and stuff, then they were alright with me. If not, I'd be pretty heartbroken and soon part ways.
You can have an "upper class" person but they should also be "upper class" mentally and emotionally. Otherwise how might they treat you someday when they're angry? It will always be there in their mind that they're better if you pick someone who is not just disgusted by your family...but refuses to be around them. He sounds uncompassionate.... Sorry.
I hope this answers your question.
2006-08-22 03:12:58 · answer #5 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, we can't pick our family. You need to have a long talk with your family and let them know how their behavior makes you feel. Don't "confront" them in an accusatory way, just let them know that it you would appreciate them making an effort to raise their standards. Ask yourself if there is something you can do to help - maybe help them clean the house? Tell them that they are important to you and you want them to be a huge part of your life but that it makes you uncomfortable when they do not use proper etiquette and are dressed inappropriately. If they are not willing to make an effort, decide how you can spend time with them where the would not be a conflict. Such as dropping by their house on a Saturday afternoon for a visit. Hope this helps!
2006-08-20 13:15:15 · answer #6 · answered by Melissa B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could try introducing your family and his family in a public place, therefore, you wouldn't be embarrassed by the way there house is kept (or unkept). You might also ask your family to be on there best behavior and let them know how important this is to you. Suggest that they buy new clothes for the occasion.
2006-08-21 18:37:29 · answer #7 · answered by lisa l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds disgusting. I would arrange for the families to meet outside of your families house, like at a restaurant. I would be up front and honest with your soon to be in-laws. They should know you well enough to know that you aren't the way they are. There is nothing you can do to change your parents, unless you want to put them up for one of those television shows on TLC like clean sweep or what not to wear
2006-08-21 05:33:11 · answer #8 · answered by purpleama456 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you need to deal with this family member in a calm and gentle way, because it sounds like he has somewhat of a temper. Explain to him that everyone has their own opinions and just because there's someone who doesn't agree with them, doesn't mean he has to express his anger/feelings towards that person. Tell him that you respect him and his opinions and you're just trying to help him.
2016-03-16 22:12:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are your family--good bad or indifferent. You boyfriend's family isn't perfect--they just seem that way to you right now. Sounds like they are a bit tidier, though!
The way you deal with it is--loving them for who they are, and take it one day at a time.
2006-08-14 03:53:09 · answer #10 · answered by Love2Sew 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like to me you already know that you cant do anything to change them and he cant either so if he loves you enuff he'll do whatever it takes to deal with it even if it means coming into there home with gloves and a face mask because in order for you 2 relationship to work both familys have to unite it will never change
2006-08-14 03:36:58 · answer #11 · answered by Cure_osity 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋