I found out my dad adopted another foster child. I found out through my cousins and really I haven't technically been told by him or stepmother, another name just appeared on the birthday card. I had to let my brother know and he just shook his head. Granted we don't keep in touch with Dad. But he's recently emailed me wanting an update on my life. I'll probably email back, but I'm feeling oddly guilty since I haven't acknowledged his recent graduation from seminary. My stomach hurts over this, even though the last time I contacted them, I was rewarded with a request to make a donation to a charity, and hardly anything personal was written on the form letter. Should I feel guilty? How to acknowledge his graduation and not apologise for how late it comes?
2006-08-14 03:16:21 · 6 answers · asked by SnakEve 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you can, be honest and tell him how his actions (and inactions) make you feel. Nothing to lose by the sounds of it...
Sometimes, as much as we would like them to, relationships with parents will never be what we want.
A prayer from the book "Toxic Parents":
"I hereby lay to rest my fantasy of the good family. I hereby lay to rest my hopes and expectations about my parents. I hereby lay to rest my fantasy that there was something I could have done as an innocent child to change them. I know that I will never have the kind of parents that I wanted, and I mourn that loss, but I accept it. May these fantasies rest in peace."
2006-08-14 03:35:31 · answer #1 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should feel guilty at all. Your dad is an adult and should act as such. He should be the one telling you about his life and in return you should tell about yours, but if he only makes requests for charity, then you shouldn't be expected to elaborate on your life. If it is possible, the next time that you e-mail him, tell him you would like to know more about his life, tell him congratulations on the graduation, never mind how late it is, and yes it is worse being the last to know about your dad adopting, I, too have been in a similiar situation.
2006-08-14 03:30:07 · answer #2 · answered by heathermcdavis19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest.
Update him on your life, explain how you forgot his graduation, and wish him well. Explain how you learned of the new foster ,and also wish them all well.
Peace. That's what you want, peace. Honesty is the best way to move forward. Now, what you're really worried about is how HE will react to your honesty, but when all is said and done, HIS reactions are HIS responsibility, not yours. REgardless of how he reacts, your feelings are just that. Yours. (And, while we're at it, let's point out that FEELINGS are neither right nor wrong. THey just are. )
Be polite, be brief if you feel you must be brief, but be honest above all.
2006-08-14 03:24:18 · answer #3 · answered by Marvinator 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not living the life of a religious man if he is not in contact with his children. Don't stress over it and give yourself a break.
If you want a relationship with your dad then by all means, contact him. If not then don't worry about it.
Why would he adopt more children when he isn't a father to the ones he already has?
2006-08-14 03:24:25 · answer #4 · answered by AuntieKJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont feel guilty. your dads being a di ck jst mention it casually like "yeah but now ur graduated you can do..." or something like that. dont congratulate him on it. ask him who was the other name on the card, is it a new pet? thats a weird name for a dog dad, why'd ya call it that?
2006-08-14 03:24:06 · answer #5 · answered by paulamathers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel guilty. Sounds to me like he is the one who hasn't been working hard enough at having a relationship with you.
2006-08-14 03:32:05 · answer #6 · answered by Kris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋