Stepson problem....?

Question

My stepson came to live with us about 2 1/2 months ago. I will be the first to admit that no, I didn't think it was a good idea. I didn't feel that financially we could support another kid, we were already having difficult time trying to juggle careers, home and family with what we already had in front of us. However, I couldn't just flat out tell my husband no, obviously that is his child so I had to support his decision. But I just cannot connect with this boy. My husband was not in his sons life for about 3 years (LONG STORY!!) so I only really knew this kid for 9-10 months before my hubby was asked to take custody. His son does not respect me as a parent. He had made it clear to me that his dad is his only parent in this house.He tries to get out of every chore I ask him to do(I have to track him down and stand over him) and he is a smartmouth to me.As a result of his treatment, I really don't like being around him at all. Anyone else dealt with this from stepkids, and how to deal?

Answer 1

What is this kid's father doing? Does he not realize that it is up to HIM to discipline his son? I suggest you sit down and talk to your HUSBAND and tell him that in order for this to work for ALL of you HE has to participate in raising HIS son. If he is unwilling to do so then maybe a foster home would be better for the boy.

Answer 2

Well I don't know how long he has been living with you or why your husband was asked to take custody of him, if his mum didn't want him he's hurt and thinks that all "mums" are the same and that sooner or later you'll get rid of him too. If it was for any other reason then he probably thinks you're trying to take his mother's place and that will make him angry with you. Either way you should make it clear to him that you are treating him as part of the family and so he has to take responsibility for that and do his chores etc. he has to take the good and the bad, your husband should make this clear to him too. You should also make sure that he knows that you are not trying to replace his mother but you are part of the family just as he is. A little love can do wonders and you shouldn't make it obvious that you don't like being around him, actually try to be around him just as much as you are with any other member of the family, it's tough I know but you are the adult and the only one who can really make it work, and if it doesn't at least your conscience will be clear, you'll have tried your best. I don't know your stepson's age but if he's in his teens it will be even more difficult - try your best, no one can ask for more. Good luck.

Answer 3

I am not a step parent but i do have a 13 yr old that has had the same sorta thing. Her father dint want her til he decided to get married when she was 7, court said i had to share. well she was the same way with her stepmom as well actully she still is a bit, unfortunatly you are the Stepmom" your stepson is going thur some hard times and you didnt tell us exactly what happen, there are somethings going on with him that he probley just dont know how to handle. How old is he? Be patient with him he will come around, he also has to get comfortable with you and his dad. He is an outsider and he needs to find his place in his famly.

Answer 4

Before the situation goes too long and too far, lucky for you it's only been 2 1/2 months, and before your marriage is in jeopardy, you need to have a sit down with your mate. Establish some rules, guidelines and consequences. Make sure your hubby knows you are behind him 100% and you need him to back you 100%.

Once you have your 2 forces in agreement, sit down with the child and lay it all out for him in no uncertain terms. 'You are responsible for this and this. You will behave in a respectful manner in this house. If you do these things, we will have not only a peaceful house, but you will reap the benefits of it. If we have issues with each other or the rules, we will sit down and talk (as a family) because when yelling, no one gets heard. We will always listen to your concerns as long as they are given in a respectful manner.'

When going over rules and consequences, it's always a good idea, whether a natural or step child, to include their input, and keep them reasonable. Keep good thoughts and believe you can succeed in blending this family together.

Answer 5

First you and your husband need to sit down and talk to him, and all decisions either one of you make the other parent should back you up. If you stand together as 1, the child will have no other choice but to listen. I am sure your husband is trying to be easy on him out of guilt for not being there for his son for 3 years. He can never go back and he has to step up to the plate and set ground rules and respect for you, should be at the top of the list. Childern will play both of you against each other to try to get their parents back together, You both have to stand your ground! TOGETHER! Its the only way it will work.

Answer 6

Good question!

Best answer: Read the book Parenting with Love and logic! (by Fey & Cline)

It will change your life!! The trick will be getting your husband to read it as well - if you both are on the same page you can solve all the problems!

It does take about as many months as the kid is old to see the best results!!

Good Luck!

Answer 7

I trust the guy who stated do not take it in my opinion. An 8 yo seeming to love one a million/2 sibling extra effective than the different is jealousy which will in hardship-free words reason you grief and paranoia. you received't also be astonishing on that assumption. I also trust the guy who stated practice your self on the thanks to take care of the mixed relations. i think the gap delivers to the problem and ought to opt to stay in the route of the newborn besides. contained in the interim, I also beloved the advice of creating the using day interesting; playing highway video games, preventing off for newborn-pleasant events, etc... you may say "Billie, I heard you're saying you don't love the force so I got here up with some issues to split the vacation and make it extra relaxing. Are you waiting to provide it a try?" also do no longer ignore that 8 is so youthful and this newborn might want to no longer be to blame for giant judgements. Dad might want to artwork issues out with the ex to have set visitation it is unwavering. a at the same time as and levels... this newborn ought to opt to stay with dad and also you finished time in a pair years. purely relax and do the great you may to love him unconditionally.

Answer 8

I used to be a step-kid, and I think you need to look at it from his point of view. He is obviously older and there fore has an attitude. You should not be dealing with the problem, if you try then you will only make an enemy out of him and he can make your life hell if he wanted to. Tell your husband he needs to take care of the problem. He lives with dad now, he needs to follow dad's rules even if one of them is to listen to you. As long as you don't beat him and call him obsene names, like my step-father did you should be fine. He is obviously going through something that you don't understand, and probably never will.

Answer 9

Your husband needs to set him straight. Also you need to maybe do more things with him alone. It may be hard for you. Without his father telling him you have equal say and that he will back you up in whatever decisions you make when he's not around it could be impossible. Try doing good things once in awhile with the boy alone.

Answer 10

I think your husband needs to sit down with his child and have a father ,son talk as it won't do you any good unless he see you confront him together unitedly and tell him the rules of the house. You aren't alone as it has happened to me with my stepson to but i told his father what had happened and he told him that he wasn't going back to his mother and he had to get a bridge and fall over it as he wasn't going any where and he had to abide by mine and his dads rules while he is here. Since then he has changed.