A question to all parents of teenagers about alcohol and drugs?

Question

Which would you find more worrying?

Scenario 1: Your teenage daughter tells you her boyfriend smokes marijuana - and she has tried it.

Scenario 2. Your teenage daughter has been riding on the back of her b/f's motorcycle - and he had been drinking alcohol.

I have recently had both of these told to me by my somewhat rebellious 19 year old daughter. The scariest? - my vote is for #2 - it's hard to die from smoking pot, but riding on the back of some drunken idiot's m/cycle is positively lethal. Although I don't particularly like her hanging out with potheads, at least she isn't in peril of her life. I went a little ballistic at #2, but I don't want to scare her off from telling me what she gets up to.

I am curious how other parents would deal with this.

Thanks for all the responses - I appreciate it. Re. the fact that she is taking to me about this: I put that down to the fact that she knows that I wasn't the most sensible of teenagers myself - I did my fair share of hell raising (my folks still tell the tales), and I'm no stranger to motorcycles, drinking and drugs.I am lucky that I managed to raise such a beautiful person, but I am also worried that she follows my example.

Answer 1

First of all - it's great that she tells you anything at all. So be happy about that. Secondly, you are right. Scenario 2 is the worse. Lastly, I rather scare my daughters then tell them through my silence that it is okay to ride on the back of a motorcycle with someone who has been drinking. I rather her be a little quieter with me than to to be dead. Good luck to you - you're doing great so far!

-GirlShrink

Answer 2

Scariest is senario #2. It really isn't great and its usually hard to stop. Try taking a holiday with her to get away from it for a while without being suspicious. Pot is most of the time a phase, everyone tries it. It also sounds like sooner or later your daughters bf will stuff up all by himself. If he does that again though, i know if i was her mother i would call the cops on him, cos it may mean that your daughter will hate you for it, but at least she will still be alive. Weigh up the consequences.

Answer 3

I'm not sure on this question. but I can say this. Never lose trust in your child. Be there when they need you, not the other way around. Our job as parents is to guide our kids in the right direction. smoking pot is bad, riding on a motorcycle with someone under the influence is worse.

Answer 4

first be thankful your daughter is telling you this... she is crying out for you to acknowledge that she is an adult now.. second she wants to have a closer relationship.. let her talk.. and then tell her in a quiet way that you love her and don't want to lose her.. tell her why riding on the bike is dangerous.. but more then that.. tell her why it hurts you to know she did this but love her enough to hug her and tell her you are glad she is home safe... she needs your love... also you might want to point out that her boyfriend was in a lot of danger too and you don't want to see anything happen to him or any other innocent person who may try to avoid him and run off the road and getting into a wreck.. maybe even with a child in the car.... Hope this helps.. :)

Answer 5

Welcome to parenthood, all I can say is to love your daughter no matter what, try to talk and listen really listen to what she is trying to say. Hopefully you will both come to some common ground, I am sorry I am not much help, no person or book can prepare you for parenthood, it is trial and error! My daughter came into this world nearly 16 yrs ago, we fell in love with her at that moment of birth ,at this time we have a really good relationship, I have been warned any day soon now, she will bite back and I am dreading it, just do your best and hang in there. good luck.

Answer 6

Well, pot is just a way to relax and have a good time, forget lifes problems... Driving a motorcycle drunk or getting on one with a drunk driver is a death wish...
I'm 16... I like to drink, but I would never be that stupid, I learnt not to even get in a car with a drunk driver (after we nearly hit a police officer one time, the car stopped within a foot of him)... I like to blaze, and it's not really a big deal if you do and its much safer getting in a car with someone stoned than someone drunk... I also do harder drugs, which are fun! I dont like hallucinagens to much tho... Meth is fun!

Be thankful your daughter isnt me!

Answer 7

Number 2 is the obvious choice. If you replaced alcohol with pot there, i'd be a hell of a lot less worried because people on it tend to be able to drive well if they've practiced at it. Plus they tend to drive really carefully.
Personally I wouldn't worry about the whole pot thing as long as it doesn't interfere with things she needs to do.

Answer 8

First of all give your daughter credit for even telling you....not very many teens would do that...Maybe she was telling you in hopes that you would tell her how to deal with bf's drinking
I agree #2 is the most lethal ...If she has confided to you maybe you should tell her that that was dangerous and that you would appreciate it if she didin't do it anymore

Answer 9

i would agree with the alcohol situation for the time being,,,at least you know about it but at 19,,well,she really doesnt have to tell you anything,,,all you can do is try to get her to look after herself and maybe invite the boyfriend over so they both feel welcome enough to just hang out at home,,at her age its better to know than for her not to tell you because you are overcautious as she will see it.all you can hope is that this relationship either improves or they split up.

Answer 10

You need to explain the difference between the degrees of danger she has subjected herselt to. Therefore she can identify the acceptable ones and make better choices for herself.