I don't know how to cope with my father dying in a few days time?

Question

They've discovered a malignant tumor and there is nothing they can do anymore. They discovered it far to late and they can't help him. My father is getting weaker by the day. I'm feeling so tired and empty at the moment and I don't how to cope. Can somebody help me?

I want to thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me.

My father died yesterday (14 august). I feel sad, but also glad for him at the same time. Finally he has peace after a painful struggle the last few days. Now I have to cope with not having him around anymore. It feels strange. I guess it hasn't really sunk in yet.

Answer 1

just enjoy the time with him , make sure he is comfortable, and just enjoy the time that you have had with him.

I would make sure that you , feel like you can go and talk to people, and tell them , how you are feeling, dont forget , its ok to cry

Answer 2

I am so very sorry to hear that you and your dad are going through this terrible time. I don't know what to say to you, but when I read your question my heart went out to you both. My dad is in his 80s but is healthy at the moment, but I know that one day soon I will be in the same horrible situation as you are now and I dont know what I will do either.
Have you got a close friend or family member that can be with you while you are with your dad - i think you will need strong shoulders to cry on. I think that all you can do is be with your dad until the end and there is nothing that you can do but live through this. You will be tired and empty - it is part of the grieving you are doing while you care for and prepare for your dad's passing away. And to be honest, I think if you really could take these feelings away you would feel like you are abandoning him. There is no easy way to cope with a death - it is painful and it is traumatic. I think that you need someone to be there for you to hold on to when it gets too much. But it is obvious that you love your dad and with you beside him he will feel that he is not alone - he cared for you and now when he really really needs you, you are there for him. Now would be the time to make any peace with any fights or squabbles between you - let him and you separate in peace and in love.
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Answer 3

When you lose a loved one you start a journey that has to begin and end without them. Its rather like entering a dark tunnel and feeling lost and empty wanting the sunlight again. It doesn't come for a while, you carry on and sometimes you stumble, sometimes you walk freely, at times the ground beneath your feet is rough and you may fall in the darkness. You have to continue whatever comes and then when you least expect it you see a small bright chink and you begin to walk towards where you know the light is. Grief has it's stages and its better days and its sad days, it has to be faced for you to come through the loss emotionally sound. Talk about your loss, recall happy memories, and when it hurts too much go and cry in privacy if you prefer. One day the pain and the emptiness will lessen have faith in that.

Answer 4

Hi Mike.

Been reading some of the other guy's answers. They've said every thing I could and more. Lost both my parents now (well I am 55 years old!) My Mum's death was more bearable as she was very old and had been ill for a long time so in a way it was a relief she was no longer in pain, but my Dad's death was a sudden heart attack when he was only 65 and as I'd moved 100 miles away hadn't been very good at visiting so felt like I hadn't said 'goodbye' properly, I still get upset about it to this day. Hope your last days with your Dad were very special. It's something we all have to face (loosing our parents) as we will have to face one day our own leaving of this world. Two things man cannot avoid are paying taxe's and dying.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Mike, You will get through this, as I did.

God Bless.

Mike H.

Answer 5

No, I can't help you. I have never had to deal with anything that awful. I can't begin to imagine the pain you are going through right now. I really feel for you and I wish I could say something to make it better. - I'm not sure that you will find answers on here. Do you have a family member that you can talk to? - Perhaps you could support each other?

There must be a counselling service for families of terminally ill relatives, search google to see what comes up - I guess all they will do is listen - but sometimes that can be enough.

Be strong, and I hope you get through this OK. I'm sure you will.

I'm really, really sorry to hear your news.

Answer 6

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My eldest brother died of lung cancer in 1998 and it had spread to the brain, it was so sad to see him wither away. Can I suggest that if your dad is able to, go and try to have some fun days together.
Spend time talking to him if he is too weak for more pyschical stuff. Recall on childhood days (you haven't mentioned how old you are). Have you talked to other family members?
How are they coping with all of this? Remember, they are feeling just the same as you.
I can only speak from my own experience and that is as a family we were always there for each other, it does help.
I wish I could help you more but I hope your dad will find the peace and rest that he deserves.

Answer 7

Thank him for being your dad, acknowledge all the wonderful things he has done for you, and given you in the past. He will still be giving to you in the future, after he has gone. It's only his body that is dying, not his spirit or memory .His love and kindness will be with you forever, so thank him now, tell him you love him and you will be strong for everyone around you, It's OK to feel like the world has fallen apart, lets face it, it has. It will get less hard (not easier) to cope with, but you can always talk to him anytime. All you have to do is close your eyes and remember and he will be with you. Don't try and hide your loss and upset, grieve, it must come out, and sooner is best.
Hope this gives you some support.

Answer 8

Somehow, from deep down you will find the strength to go on.
Treasure the time you have with him. Ask him if there is any last errands he want run.. this will also give you a task to do and made to feel helpful.
Allow your family and friends to help you , draw strength from them.
The hospital will also have counsellors who are there not only for your father but also for his family ... talk to them...
The counsellors will also have the names of groups you can talk to later who can help you with the grieving process.
You are not alone.
Most importantly and it goes almost without saying... spend time with your father, talk to him, listen to what he has to say , I mean REALLY listen as these will be moments that will probably become special memories later.

I am so sorry to hear of the situation you are in and I wish you and your father and your family all the best in this sad time of your life.
You will find the strength.... when you need it the most..

Answer 9

I just went through this exact same thing. I felt very alone as I was his primary caregiver his last couple of weeks and my family was in denial that he was dieing. Everyone who tells you to just be there for him, and try to resolve any conflicts, say all you can possibly say. They are exactly right. Tell him how much you love and have loved him, how proud you are for all he has done, etc.....
There is nothing easy about this and coping is close to impossible. Just try to console yourself with knowing that you are not alone. Ask God to help you and your father have the strength to get through this. I also highly recommend keeping a daily journal. I didn't and have tried to go back and recreate but my mind gets so blank. Now I want to remember every moment since things all happened so fast. God Bless you, time I hope will help.

Answer 10

i'm so sorry to hear that your father is dying. I cant imagine what your going through but i'm sure that if you talk about how your feeling you will feel better. Bottling it up will only make it worse. My mother was seriously ill a few years ago and i was finding it very difficult but talking things through with my close friends really helped!
Try not to think to much about what is going to happen and enjoy spending time with him. talk about all the fun things that you have done in the past.
Try to see that the fact that you will have the chance to say goodbye to him is a good thing as so many people who loose loved ones never get that chance!

I pray that the next few months will not be too hard for you!

Answer 11

Awww sorry to hear about this. Though i think the best way of coping is what you are now doing...reaching out. Know that their are people here for you im sure your family of course is and friends but all of us will or have already lost a loved one. I did my grandpa not long ago and the way i coped with it was by talking and also spending time alone to go over my memories of him. I tried to remember the good times only and not how he looked toward the end. If you believe in God to me it makes it alot easier also. God Bless