When is enough, enough?!?

Question

After 30 years of marriage, my father's side of the family still has not accepted my mother. To this day they emotionally and verbally attack and abuse her. When is enough, enough? How can we respectfully say, "ENOUGH!" Please help!

I don't necessarily think my dad "allowed" it all these years. Of course he loves his wife (my mom) and provides all the love she deserves and loves her more to cover the love that she should get from his side of the family. My dad loves and respects his side of the family. So, he's kind of stuck in between. On some days, I feel like, maybe dad should have done more...

Thank you everyone for your kind answers. Take care and God Bless!

Answer 1

It would seem that you dad should have put his foot down several years ago on this issue.

He needs to tell his family that if they can not except his wife and show her respect then they do not respect him.
And he also needs to remind them that when he married your mother before God that he promised to FORSAKE all others.
Which means that he puts his wife above all others including his parents.

If they can't respect your mother more then he needs to stop going around his family until they can.
Not only are they disrespecting your mom but they are disrespecting your father and their children.

Answer 2

First of all what would make them feel like they have the right to make another human being feel this way? It really doesn't say much for his side of the family.....what is it that your mother did that made them feel this way. Does your mother stand up for herself or has she let them get away with this mean behavior? The saying: you are only a victim if you can't protect yourself, but if you allow something by choice then that is exactly what it is; your choice. If I were her I wouldn't go one more time being emotionally or verbally attacked by them, she needs to put a stop to it. They will then realize that she demands respect that she feels she deserves......who said they had to like it and why should she care, they didn't. If I were her I wouldn't waste any of my valuable time on such unloving people.

Answer 3

Of course your dad loves his wife and his family, however, his lack of action is enabling his family to continue abusing his wife. He has to take a stand and let his family know this is the woman he chose to marry and she is the mother of his child;his family needs to respect her or he will not submit her to any more abuse. In short, if his family can't respect her and her feelings, he will not be coming around. We can't make anyone like us, but everyone deserves respect.

Answer 4

Two things : First it seems you and your mother are so desperate to have your father's family to accept you, which is totally unacceptable thing in this era where woman can set her mark with her daughter or son much dependently as the society is always welcoming those who are have apt determination and resolving power. Thirty years is certainly not a mean period, and what probability you have with yourself that even after accepting both of you over there, that you are going to live there with respect and head high? Absolutely no....because all you will have to live there as second-rate citizen only.
Second thing is : Since you are putting this question on "Open" platform it seems to me that you are well educated, firm, independent nature and sensible....so what I wish you to do is, let them have their own way of actions (or state of inaction), and make if possible to keep your mother in smiling mode by your work and valuable living standard. Here in my country - India - though the tradition is "Male-domination" family system, but still in past years, girls are coming forward to have their own saying in family matters as well as in society. World is full with ample opportunities for both sexes with equal share. I do not have ideal of your nationality, but makes no difference once you get feeling that you can march ahead with your own sources and potentiallity, you or your mother will never have chance to feel like "When is enough...?"
Best Luck !!!

Answer 5

I am fifty two years old, married to my wife for 17 years, and her dysfunctional family has yet to accept me, though each of her siblings has been married and divorced at least once. I told my wife recently that I may only have around 25 or 30 years left on this planet, and I wasn't going to spend any more of them doing things I don't like, including going around her family!

Answer 6

honey u cannot change them.I have been there and still there.they take all the fun out of us.the more we listen to them the more they give us. the trick i have learnt is if nobody can stand up for u u urself shud stand up and let not others ride on you.Your mom shud try to give them a stern response for all the abuse.the more u bend the more they make u bend. there is no maximum.they take immense pleasure in seeing us bend.So dont rely on anybody to support but urself.
let your mom start to say enough this is it Then they will back off.

Answer 7

You say enough by encouraging her to sever all ties with these toxic people. Your father should understand and not put your mother through any more of this hell. Shame on HIM for allowing it all these years!!

Answer 8

Tell them how much it hurts you that they cannot except your mother. Tell them you enjoy their company and love to be around them but you want to leave when they talk about your mother who you love unconditionally. If I was in your shoes and after I said that to them they did not stop I would not see them.

Answer 9

Tell them what they're doing is a sin but that God still loves them.

Answer 10

say it as soon as possible, and tell them that they should be ashamed of themselves for being so selfish and rude!